[CombatBaby135]

Ok I’ve read more papers o BPD, than all my homework I’ve had... But I still can’t understand it, which irritated the heck outta me...

I’ve been struggling with this for awhile now and I’m hoping I can find some help here... As long as I can remember, I’ve ALWAYS idealized one person for months at a time... I usually do it to female, it might because I’m a lesbian, but I have always done this to anyone I first meet... In the beginning ill say like oh she’s nice, funny, and kind of cute... But once I spend a little more time with someone, I'll become obsessed... Ill dream, fantasy, everything... And the I finally say that I like them, but since its 'weird' to like your own sex they usually end up never talking to me again.. Like one time... I met this girl in my class. I sat next to her, and soon figured out she was Japanese... I then started to talk to her in Japanese, since I knew the language... I became her best friend in less the a few days... I then thought 'I love her!' and I soon would flirt, and have sleepovers, and everything JUST to be near her... I then finally told her... And she never said anything to me... Because I was too flustered about what I did... I sent her small notes saying sorry and saying I didn’t mean it blah blah blah.. And THEN I would give her a random gift on st. Patrick’s day, and her birthday, and every other holiday... After awhile she became boring to me and it didn’t seem like she hated to talk to me so I shut her out of my life... Next I moved onto her friend, which was surprisingly a bisexual... I told her I liked her and that I wanted to just be friends right now... She agreed and we became INSEPRATABLE, but I soon tried doing stuff and yeah you know... But she incidentally got a boyfriend, and said she only wanted to be friends... (Too long so I’m just going to end there...)

WELL I’m tired of writing and you should get the idea... I also lie constantly to new friends, I have a VERY bad temper when it comes to boys, and I can’t stand to live without the person I’m idealizing at the moment... Until she hates me of course...

So I need help... Please?

[shezbut]

It's not uncommon to love or hate someone. Not for us, anyway.

The problem comes with us giving in to our strong emotions and impulses. We tend to react to everything ~ every emotion, thought, etc. That makes our world go at top speed constantly, pushing either us (or those we care for) away pretty fast.

Recognizing the tendency that we have within ourselves is a big part of making a change. Another big part is making ourselves stay still and watch these moments pass ~ before we make impulsive decisions. It does take time. And we require some good (but safe & healthy) mood boosters to make it through the tough times. #1 - So we don't react impulsively. #2 - We can then see that there are good things in our life NOW. That this person or thing is not our everything in the world. #3 - Use mood boosters and T just to live day to day in our tough times & we'll eventually recognize that we CAN make it.

Hope that helps you. ((hugs))

[kashmir0]

Originally Posted by shezbut

It's not uncommon to love or hate someone. Not for us, anyway.

The problem comes with us giving in to our strong emotions and impulses. We tend to react to everything ~ every emotion, thought, etc. That makes our world go at top speed constantly, pushing either us (or those we care for) away pretty fast.

Recognizing the tendency that we have within ourselves is a big part of making a change. Another big part is making ourselves stay still and watch these moments pass ~ before we make impulsive decisions. It does take time. And we require some good (but safe & healthy) mood boosters to make it through the tough times. #1 - So we don't react impulsively. #2 - We can then see that there are good things in our life NOW. That this person or thing is not our everything in the world. #3 - Use mood boosters and T just to live day to day in our tough times & we'll eventually recognize that we CAN make it.

Hope that helps you. ((hugs))

exactly! i'm living proof that you can get better there's always going to be ups and downs but you can learn to manage it. what worked for me was realizing how i was acting and keeping control. it's like a car that spins out of control, you can either take control or crash.

[Symbiosis]

Shez, are you a therapist? Alot of what you said makes sense oh-so-clearly to me.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

ty for sharing, Combat.

I relate to a lot of your post, esp. dealing with loving people and obsessing.

And dealing with not ever being spoken to again by the one I love.

Ups and downs.

Billi

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by Symbiosis

Shez, are you a therapist? Alot of what you said makes sense oh-so-clearly to me.

No, I'm not a therapist. Thanks for the compliment though . I am just a fellow person who has sufferred with the effects for many years.