[absorbingpain]

Dear Mom,

For years, I never understood you, nor did I understand why I felt so crazy. I have my sister to thank for Christine Lawson's book, Understanding The Borderline Mother. Now all I feel is anger. I look at myself and wonder how different I would have turned out if you hadn't been such a nut...and if I didn't hate you. I'm having so much trouble getting through this book, but with every page I read, I feel more and more like this was written by someone who knew you. That's how accurate it is. I'm haunted by images of all your friends, my teachers, my classmates, neighbors, and many others who never did a ******* thing to help me or Heather. I'm sure Steve was a victim too, but he was always your favorite, so I don't think he experienced it quite like Heath and I did. I remember being so scared to go home every afternoon, and no one did anything. How many times did I go to school with bruises, feeling like I provoked it, like I was in the wrong, and having that feeling validated when DCFS said they couldn't do anything because the reported incidents were too far apart....countless times. I remember you telling me that I should just commit suicide because then you'd finally be proud of me....and years later you calling me crazy and making things up because of course you would never say such a thing. Why didn't anyone ever rescue me from that hell? Now here I am, with a child of my own, and none of my doubts or fears have been eased. You're still the same horrible person you always were. I am having trouble accepting the fact that you know not what you do. I'm so tired of feeling like I have to please you and accommodate your every emotion. I know I deserve a life of my own, but I don't know how to shake the codependency. I hate you. I hate what you've done to me and my brother and sister, and I hate what I let you do to my daughter...thank the gods she's only two and I can still get her out while there's time. You're nothing but poison.

Me.

[Travelinglady]

I'm not even supposed to be on the borderline page--my therapist told me to stay off of it! But I couldn't resist when I saw your thread listed. I am glad you're getting in touch with your anger. It took me years of therapy to reach mine--as a child of a BPD mother. I developed (mild? high-functioning) BPD as a result and spent even more years in therapy--even two bouts of DBT. But, now my last three therapists and a psychiatrist say they see that I have "gotten over it." A cured BPD, I claim.

I had to write a long (many page) list of offenses my mother caused me, and finally forgave her and burned the list and then actually buried the ashes! Again--this came after a long time of therapy.....

Best wishes......

And to anyone with BPD, there IS hope for you. You are responding to the world with the personality you had to develop to survive. But you can get better, if you are motivated and stick with therapy. I also recommend DBT!

I had to get that in, because I will try my best to stay off this page from now on... Thanks!

[absorbingpain]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

I'm not even supposed to be on the borderline page--my therapist told me to stay off of it! But I couldn't resist when I saw your thread listed. I am glad you're getting in touch with your anger. It took me years of therapy to reach mine--as a child of a BPD mother. I developed (mild? high-functioning) BPD as a result and spent even more years in therapy--even two bouts of DBT. But, now my last three therapists and a psychiatrist say they see that I have "gotten over it." A cured BPD, I claim.

I had to write a long (many page) list of offenses my mother caused me, and finally forgave her and burned the list and then actually buried the ashes! Again--this came after a long time of therapy.....

Best wishes......

And to anyone with BPD, there IS hope for you. You are responding to the world with the personality you had to develop to survive. But you can get better, if you are motivated and stick with therapy. I also recommend DBT!

I had to get that in, because I will try my best to stay off this page from now on... Thanks!

Thank you so much for sharing this...it helps a little to know that I'm not alone.

I want to say that this thread is NOT a way to offend or make a stab at anyone on this forum. I hope it will bring release to some people...especially since BPD can pass from parents to children. Those letters you'll never send, the thoughts you aren't able to share with your mother or father, you can post them here if you see fit.

[NuckingFutz]

great letter. Wrote a similiar letter to my mom who has NPD. Your letter was beautiful.