[bpd2]

Hi, I'm new to this forum--only joined PsychCentral not long ago--and I just posted in psychotherapy forum (think that's the name). The posting upset me, and maybe I shouldn't have done it there. The topic was hugs from therapist. Here's the the question: do any of you also have a therapist who bans touching? If so, were you given an explanation? And if anyone has help for me in understanding this ban in a positive light, would you pass that on to me? I feel bad, sorry for myself, ashamed that I am someone he won't even allow to shake his hand.

[bpd mess]

welcome bpd2. i just read what you wrote over in psychotherapy. i'm sorry it upset you and i'm sorry your t won't give you a hug when you want one. i have a t that does hug and it brings up all kinds of transference issues. your t may just know what your issues are and may think he can be more helpful to you without opening up the can of worms that can come with hugging. have you told him that it makes you feel ashamed and asked him to help you understand it? that's what i would do. it's probably for your own good that he's doing it, but you may need him to explain it to you better so you don't feel bad. i'm not sure that put it in a positive light, but hopefully it helps a little. i'm sorry it makes you feel bad.

[bpd2]

Thanks...I do need to bring up the topic with him again, and maybe now would be a good time--because we're not in a "hugging place" right now. But it is something I hold against him--which is a road I'm spending 'way too much time on--justifying my anger. Uh....so maybe now isn't a good time??? because I would be using it as a piece in an argument?
Which brings up the issue of how complicated and difficult it is to address issues as a borderline, because of the ever-present possibility of manipulation. Dang it....As I try really hard not to make a mess of "talking over an issue" I silence myself because I don't want to be misbehaving, and I don't trust myself to know when my motives are reasonable, normal, legitimate...........and, here I go, off and running: linking every source of pain to any source of pain/shame...unbelievable!!

[bpd mess]

tell your t what you just wrote. in fact, if you can handle it, print this out and show it to him. maybe you can work through some of this stuff using the issue of hugging. my t made me mad a while back by something she did. she told me she didn't do it on purpose, but was glad it happened because it led to something i needed to work on. she was thrilled that it happened between us and not in real life because she could help me learn to work through it with her. boy i'm wordy today. sorry about that.

[bpd mess]

oh, and i wouldn't worry about getting mad at your t for the way he's handle this. he shouldn't be doing things that cause you to feel shame. that's wrong!

[bpd2]

Thanks, bpd mess! I will do this!

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by bpd2

Hi, I'm new to this forum--only joined PsychCentral not long ago--and I just posted in psychotherapy forum (think that's the name). The posting upset me, and maybe I shouldn't have done it there. The topic was hugs from therapist. Here's the the question: do any of you also have a therapist who bans touching? If so, were you given an explanation? And if anyone has help for me in understanding this ban in a positive light, would you pass that on to me? I feel bad, sorry for myself, ashamed that I am someone he won't even allow to shake his hand.

BPD2 I wrote you a response about this on your post in response to the thread in the psychotherapy section. Please see that one.