[JeffHH]

Does my friend sound like he is a borderline?

I'm very concerned about my friend. He claims he has BPD, but I don't think he was officially diagnosed.
Here's some background information. He grew up in a very controlling household and his father was emotionally and verbally abusive. Everything he did was wrong, and this made him a very angry and rebellious person - however my friend was the nicest person ever. He always told me he felt abandoned by his family because whenever he needed them for support when something was wrong in his life they would bail on him and tell him he was a baby for not being strong enough. He would cry all the time. He had numerous relationships that all failed because he was cheated on. The last relationship ended about 2 and half years ago after a 5 year relationship. He was really happy during this period of time, however he always had anger issues about his family. He had an aunt and uncle that he was very close to and they died during that time this bothered him and also he was very close with the family of the girl who cheated on him - he lost them as well as when he broke up with her.

After he found out that his ex was cheating on him for most of the relationship I saw a really big change in him. He was drinking heavily and waking up in strange places engaging in reckless behavior. He started pushing me and anyone close to him away. When I did see him he would cry whenever he mentioned his family or this failed relationship. To this day he still cries whenever he mentions this betrayal. About a year ago he met a girl who he told me he really cared about and couldn't believe that he felt this way again - happy. However he would constantly tell me that he was afraid she was going to leave him and that it would be better if he left her first. He was obsessed by this. He dumped her a few times each time finding another girl before he dumped her, and once he dumped her he got rid of the other girl. Then he would go on a pattern of reckless behavior. He told me he was very unhappy without her but that it was best this way. He would ignore her. This last time he even told my other friend that he ignored her on purpose even though it hurt him to do so and he tried to get my other friend to tell the girl that he was dating many new girls, so she would no longer try and contact him.
Then he began to ignore me and my friend again. Throughout the last few years he goes through bouts where he completely ignores us. If I text him he will ignore it, and then a few months later he might answer me. but he no longer contacts any of us on his own. We always have to contact him. I invited him for the holidays and he wouldn't accept - instead I found out he went to complete strangers house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. He is always up and down. One week he will be sad and then he will have a few days of being happy and sad again. I see this from his Facebook page. He also drinks a lot. He doesn't mind going out with his co-workers for drinks but he refuses my friend and I. We all have been close since childhood. He pretends on his Facebook page that he's having a good time, but I saw him and he looks miserable. He told me he can't stand how he feels as if he's two people. He says that he always feels that he's going to be alone - which I don't get because it's him who pushes everyone who cares about him away. The only people in his life are acquaintances that he meets at bars or co-workers. He says he feels okay with them and then when he goes home he feels incomplete again. Sometimes he engages in reckless behaviors. He ignores his brother and sister who he always had a close relationship with as well. His reckless behavior is always worse when he starts ignoring this girl that he said he loves - but is afraid to be with. He gets so angry with her as well. He looks at her Facebook page even though he's not with her and if a guy writes on it he gets so jealous, or if she's not on Facebook he starts wondering where she is - yet he won't be with her, he says the feelings feel too familiar and even stronger. All the other girls hurt him and abandoned him and he said he can't risk it. But how can he love her if he ignores her this way? He also always suffered from low self-esteem, stress and anxiety. He was diagnosed with this when we were growing up.

I was just wondering if this could be BPD because it seems it just came on him suddenly after that failed relationship. Another thing if it is BPD does it even bother him that it hurts all of us that he blatantly ignores- it seems he goes out of his way to do so. Like one of my friends asked him something on Facebook and he ignored my friend and answered some acquaintance that he met on a business trip. It's almost like he did it on purpose making a show of it. And if it is BPD will he ever get better? I know he goes on and off to a therapist.

[Perna]

Hi, JeffHH, welcome to PsychCentral. We're just other people here, interested in or afflicted with our own mental illnesses so we can't really tell if your friend has BPD or not.

A couple of things though, most mental illness doesn't usually happen "suddenly" and it sounds like he has a lot of things going on in his life that could account for his behaviors, his broken relationship and drinking too much, etc. Too, maybe you have confused Borderline Personality Disorder with Bipolar Depression? That can present as a very up and down sad/happy illness.

I would suggest you see if you can get your friend to his doctor or a counselor of some sort to help him with the changes in his life and to see what's what. You sound like a very good friend to him!