[beauflow]

I haven't been diagnosed as bipolar or bpd, but I had posted this question up in bipolar and got a concluded response of it's not bipolar by others in the forum, and a fellow pc member sent a message saying perhaps post this question in bpd, so here it is.

I 'm sorry if this upsets anyone. And yes I am recently looking into therapy,
I am still getting some things in order for me to see a therapist., it is one reason why here recently I'm trying to organize my thoughts and memories. Making a list of things to talk about and this is one of the subject.

As I mentioned I haven't been diagnosed with bipolar or bpd or anything, but I seem to have signs with mood swings, depression and all.....
The otherday I started a real look back on me a little and pondering and writing things down and realize I have had homicidal thoughts coupled with suicide thoughts many times.

Is homicidal thoughts a trait of anything?

I read and hear suicidal thoughts and threats and actions are a characteristic of bipolar and of bpd, but homicidal thoughts don't seem to be bipolar and I'm not sure with bpd.

just to say my stand on this: I believe it is never right for anyone to take a life of another living breathing human, just so we are clear on my stand on this. Its immoral and wrong... None the less sometimes I get thoughts.

Any imput is appreciated.

Hi there,

I suppose the question that comes to mind is: Do you like having these homicidal thoughts? Or do you hate them?

If it's the latter, I used to struggle with intrusive thoughts about homicide and suicide. Intrusive thoughts are actually a big part of OCD. People with OCD who struggle with only obsessions, like intrusive thoughts, have what some call "Pure-O"...which is basically OCD with no compulsions.

I received quite a bit of therapy, and learned how to manage my thinking. I haven't had an intrusive thought regarding homicide or suicide for a while now.

[Forgive77]

I'm going to have to agree here. I've had homicidal thought...but have never acted on them, nor would I. As long as you aren't loving the thoughts or really wanting to act on them I think you're on the right track to helping yourself. which it seems like you are. I have obsessive thoughts or OCD with my thoughts only, and I'm in "thinking training". It's working...but it's slow. I usually only have those thoughts when I want someone to go away...either I want to go, or I want them to go.

[protector1973]

yeah theres sociapath who has kidnapped my son for last 14 years, she has always been the source of my homcidal thoughts.

[Forgive77]

Originally Posted by protector1973

yeah theres sociapath who has kidnapped my son for last 14 years, she has always been the source of my homcidal thoughts.

OMG....I know that's not supposed to be funny....but I laughed out Loud. Sorry.

[Forgive77]

Actually....I used to want to burn my ex husband's house down. Things have gotten much better....haven't wanted to do that in about 7 years.

[beauflow]

melissa I am sometimes in the middle, over all I do hate the thoughts, but there are times they give a release. Its twisted and I hate the part of me for this.

Forgive77: like you it is usually ppl that I want to away making my life utterly hard to live at a times. Or sometimes just the ppl that are constantly giving me a hard time, continue complaining about me or has utterly hurt me in a way...

Protector: Omg I don't blame you for that. I know that I'm not one to say much. hugs to you and I'm so sorry that you and your son have to go through such a horrible thing. Yeah my abuser when I was young I sometimes think on but I with him and if others I get in thoughts that pop out, I try to remember ''karma'' will get them theirs... I have a ''karma'' thinking that is odd but none the less it helps for me....

Thank you all for your in put.

Wish you all well thoughts

[Forgive77]

If the thoughts are enough to give you a release...then I think you're okay. They have meds for intrusive thoughts...and as long as you're just happy to think boom...they're dead...and you're done...it's okay. But, if you're planning it out, and it excites you...problem. Either way you need to see someone like you are going to do. =)

[missbelle]

well I am totally twisted as well... I live in a senior community and some of them are total veggies. I call this the vegetable garden. Oh I have definately had homicidal thoughts. I won't act on them either but boy how I think of them. Its a great stress reliever for me!!

[Forgive77]

Originally Posted by missbelle

well I am totally twisted as well... I live in a senior community and some of them are total veggies. I call this the vegetable garden. Oh I have definately had homicidal thoughts. I won't act on them either but boy how I think of them. Its a great stress reliever for me!!

Exactly...good stress relief and a way to deal with it in your own mind without acting on it. They do go away for the most part....then it'll start again with no meds and additional trauma. But so long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone...I guess it could be a good coping skill to push the problem off of you.

[INeeDaDOC21]

Well beauflow I have BPD and I have suicidal and homicidal thoughts.. I also go as far as having these thoughts creep into my dreams turning into nightmares... What I personally do to make them go away even if subliminally I write them down in my diary.. it works. Jus try it .. if any.

[beauflow]

thank you, INeeDaDoc21, yeah I plan out things in my head sometimes like it's hard to explain for me or I guess share.

I think the emotions come out first then logic comes in where I'm like ''what would you do if you did that?''... My boyfriend was a little shocked about my sharing on this,
But ya know the, thinkin logically with thoughts helps, there are a lot of ''mistakes'' that occur which are why
Ppl get caught, my dad and I use to have conversations of this a lot.
Plus the logical thinking comes into play and I say: ''would this really solve your problem'' it is always no maybe a twisted no but no.
Thank you all!

Oh earlier someone said the vegie garden - Lmao that made me smile I'm sorry lol

Originally Posted by beauflow

I haven't been diagnosed as bipolar or bpd, but I had posted this question up in bipolar and got a concluded response of it's not bipolar by others in the forum, and a fellow pc member sent a message saying perhaps post this question in bpd, so here it is.

I 'm sorry if this upsets anyone. And yes I am recently looking into therapy,
I am still getting some things in order for me to see a therapist., it is one reason why here recently I'm trying to organize my thoughts and memories. Making a list of things to talk about and this is one of the subject.

As I mentioned I haven't been diagnosed with bipolar or bpd or anything, but I seem to have signs with mood swings, depression and all.....
The otherday I started a real look back on me a little and pondering and writing things down and realize I have had homicidal thoughts coupled with suicide thoughts many times.

Is homicidal thoughts a trait of anything?

I read and hear suicidal thoughts and threats and actions are a characteristic of bipolar and of bpd, but homicidal thoughts don't seem to be bipolar and I'm not sure with bpd.

just to say my stand on this: I believe it is never right for anyone to take a life of another living breathing human, just so we are clear on my stand on this. Its immoral and wrong... None the less sometimes I get thoughts.

Any imput is appreciated.

I'm glad to be appreciated. Pardon me while my ego indulges this adoration. I haven't been getting enough appreciation at home, it seems, what with my wife being busy and all. Perhaps I should hire someone to follow me around and tell me how amazing I am. To kiss my feet. To worship the very ground I walk. And then I could tell them, if they really wanted to show me how amazing I am, they could do [insert odd, menial task] to prove their love and devotion. Is that evil? I'm sure it's a sin of some sort. As to which specific sin, I'm drawing a blank. But I digress...

I have homicidal thoughts every day of the week. More so on Mondays, for obvious reasons. I ponder about nearly everything. And I probably have some sort of ADD, although I've never been diagnosed. Anyway... Occasionally, those musings lead me to dark places. For example, if I meet someone new and that new person happens to be an insufferable jackass, they may find me smiling quite sincerely. Unbeknownst to them, I'd be smiling at the thought of their immolation. That's quite natural, or so most "normal" people tell me, so long as one doesn't make these thoughts a reality, dwell on them, or make concrete plans.

Less common homicidal thoughts are those that are not the result of anger at the subject of such homicidal thoughts, or homicidal thoughts that have no particular subject at all (by that, I mean, you don't want to kill someone, you just want to kill). These are the intrusive and all consuming thoughts, such as looking at an axe at the local hardware store and imagining its use in an execution. Or, upon seeing someone you've never known, thinking how much better they'd look without a head. I have these thoughts sometimes too, albeit less often. And mine are more focused on opportunity. I, for example, will be wandering along a secluded path in a forest and come upon a couple who has lost their way. The husband has been injured and is unable to walk unaided. From that point, their survival would depend largely on their politesse. (If, from that statement, you surmise that ol' Mick has a God complex... Yes... Yes, I do.) However, my decision would have no more emotional depth than if I were choosing between 2% or whole milk. And, unlike most with this type of homicidal thought, I'm not bothered by them, and I don't feel compelled to carry them out.

Another problematic homicidal thought is the "inappropriate anger" which leads to wanting to kill someone. I've never experienced this for myself, but I've seen others who regularly have these thoughts. If one has been a victim of a crime against humanity, it's understandable that one would want to see their victimizers suffer and die. But if one is the victim of a petty insult and wishes for their insulter suffering and death of the same magnitude as for the perpetrator of a heinous crime, that's extreme and unreasonable. Furthermore, it's indicative of long repressed rage.

The question is... Which type of homicidal thought do you have most often?

I'm going to assume, because you still haven't elaborated much on the nature of your thoughts, that they bother you and you're ashamed of them. Please tell me if my assumption is off the mark.

[beauflow]

Michael The Great:
I suppose some of my thoughts are "normal" in the realm of things (i.e. Thoughts come up when I: feel like being criticized too much or nagged at for long periods of time, emotionally attacked by another for what they say or do; feel of being cheated or feel like some one is being under handing, etc. etc.)

One that comes up mostly at work and out in public, is where I "see" some one being "under handing" towards me ... then I can easily envision smashing a skull into the curb or stabbing some one- not many are of shooting... I guess this would be feeling of cheated, which would be the "norm"....

Not entirely the thought of just going out and doing murders for the fun of it- that had dissipated since I stopped doing drugs and as I have grown- there would be sometimes I would have long thoughts on serial killers (i.e. how they would go about doing what they did and then think of a plan of my own). I know perhaps just morbid thinking at the time when younger and then drugs influenced the thoughts to be more so, Or perhaps just bordem?
These days these thoughts do not arise as they once used to... I can not explain- have not been in therapy so I suppose just the part of growing up and not doing drugs, is the cause of the stopping of their dissipation.

These days, these homicidal thoughts are more directed to people that I feel are "cheating me" in a way or being mean/rude/so on to me; I guess to be the simplistic of terms. So this would be of the "norm" I suppose-
But on after thought of it does not feel as if it is normal.
For Example: Why should I feel as if some one should die for criticizing me or constantly nagging me- There is a part of me that says "that makes no since, such a little thing and an extreme out come from it"

Yes I do feel ashamed of them- some times scared of them.
I think this may be due to some of my family members "black out when extreme angry and don't remember what they do"
I do not remember ever blanking out--- but i do notice that I tend to faze out and not remember where i have been some times or really what I have done in the time- especially under a lot of stress.. which then worries me. I know not to worry to much for as we all know- not everyone is like the family members

Please know that I do appreciate you describing in detail the difference of what is of the "norm" and what is "not of the norm" and asking-... I guess these thoughts are normal to a since; but some people are shocked on the dwelling on them and planning out- even if no reality comes from the thoughts-which then makes me feel odd again.
But after reading some posts on here and some do relate on it- I do not feel as odd- and thank you for that. I know it is a sick twisted thing in my head- not to feel odd and try to find others that relate.... I am sorry for asking or finding.

[beauflow]

oh and I get raging thoughts when driving, mostly these days with the damn bicyclists that think they are f**king cars! Ya know in the state I'm in they too are to obey the road signs like stop and yield. Some of these f**ckers just pull out in front of cars and roll on through the stop signs.
And as drivers we have to give them 3 ft. I understand safety bit this at times puts me where either I can't or I'm pushing another car to the right side going the opposite direction
Oh and I can't shout at the bicyclists about how they aren't cars and not to get front of my moving vehicle, cause I get in trouble

Ahhh! Sometimes I swear one day, oops, clip, sorry didn't see that you darted invent of me.... & I guess this rage is normal, I'm not the only one mentioning the stupidity of people but not many saying what goes through their heads I guess

[Flooded]

I'm like that in traffic too