Asking for help

Flooded · Sep 13, 2011, 02:21 AM

How do you ask for help without seeming to be too needy. I detest neediness and never want to be like that so I'm struggling to have myself heard.

Gus1234U · Sep 13, 2011, 10:19 AM

there is a group therapy called DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), which is cognitive therapy for people with BPD. you can seek that out, or even educate yourself online. then you will be helping yourself, and curing the needy feelings, instead of learning how to disguise them as something else. best wishes... Gus

Flooded · Sep 13, 2011, 08:47 PM

Yeah, I have been reading *some* DBT stuff, but in all honesty, it shits me to tears. It's all neediness etc and I hate it

Thanks for your reply though

unaluna · Sep 13, 2011, 10:30 PM

What kind of help do you need? ie what "department" are we talking of? Why I don't like to ask for help is, for example, anybody who offers to "help" clean up my place, first thing they say is, let's throw all this ***** out. So the first thing they do is just take over, I guess, now you've lost all control, and you asked for it, because you asked for help. Or am I off base as usual?

Flooded · Sep 13, 2011, 10:43 PM

Nah, you're good hanky

and don't delete cos I've seen it!

I mean I don't know what my exact problem is. I know I have BPD, PPD, MDD etc but...I dunno, seems all too hard to explain now.

unaluna · Sep 13, 2011, 10:57 PM

So I tried out to be a car salesman - salesperson? - one time, and they gave us a whole bunch of psychological tests, and I was like, how come i'm in therapy for a hundred years and i've never seen one of these before?! they really tell you a lot about yourself. I don't know why t's think they're too good for them, or what. altho they can make you feel a little bad about yourself? but I would rather know what is expected of me. it's not like I don't KNOW - but it's nice to see it spelled out. which is all DBT does, really, spell out the obvious in a lot of ways.

Flooded · Sep 14, 2011, 06:07 AM

I just suck at verbalising how I feel. Emotionally stunted

unaluna · Sep 14, 2011, 06:53 AM

I do too. I haven't been able to get anything across to T's in literally DECADES. But every once in a while I find a book that speaks for me. One that surprised me was ED AND ME by Jenny Morgan. Because she was ana and I look like I eat football players for breakfast. But we have the same negative voice in our head. Honestly, I was like, when did she meet my folks?! I gave it to my T to read so he could see what goes on.

Mustkeepjob32 · Sep 14, 2011, 08:32 PM

I think maybe you keep thinking of the word "neediness" as a bad thing. All of us that are suffering emotionally and/or mentally NEED help so the needing is not the bad thing. But I think sometimes in our society, "neediness" is associated with "clinginess" which makes us think of it as negative. Needing help is never a bad thing.

Flooded · Sep 14, 2011, 09:15 PM

Yes, I think of it as a bad thing. I'm far to independent for my own good. That comes with the territory of being my own (and my brothers) parent from a young age.

However, I have reached out to my tdoc and I'm waiting for her to call me back when she's free.

Don't get me started on "clinginess"

Flooded · Sep 15, 2011, 02:21 AM

Soooo I spent 1.5 hrs on the phone with my tdoc. She is awesome

PTSDlovemycats · Sep 15, 2011, 05:43 AM

Did it help??

unaluna · Sep 15, 2011, 07:33 AM

I am so glad to hear it. Sometimes THEY need to do some of the work! Like when they mess up, whether it is intentional or not. My T stepped up when he messed up, and it changed everything. If we ever complained in the olden days, we just made things worse for ourselves. I don't think T's always get how this freezes us. I'm sure my discourse here has nothing at all to do with your call, so let me just say, Yay!

PTSDlovemycats · Sep 15, 2011, 07:36 AM

Good post Hankster!

unaluna · Sep 15, 2011, 07:38 AM

Thanks, I missed you cats, glad to see back!

porcupine2 · Sep 15, 2011, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flooded

Soooo I spent 1.5 hrs on the phone with my tdoc. She is awesome

Good for you - I'm glad it helped...

Flooded · Sep 15, 2011, 04:47 PM

Yeah it helped. Probably because I wasn't in the same room as her

Mustkeepjob32 · Sep 15, 2011, 10:03 PM

Glad you are doing well with your T. I know I need a good T.

PTSDlovemycats · Sep 16, 2011, 01:30 AM

Awesome!

BrokenNBeautiful · Sep 19, 2011, 12:49 PM

I don't like asking for help either.

I had to yesterday and I hated it.

I felt like such a toady; I couldn't stand it.

But I needed it.

I kept my voice down and told him, "I am 100 dollars short this month; you don't have to help if you can't. But you told me I could tell you if I had problems."

I could tell he was uncomfortable. I asked him over and over again, "Are you sure you can part with half the rent this month?"

He looked half sure.

But I needed it.

oh, I hate that.

And emotional support? Forgaddaaboudit. lol

I never ask for that anymore.

Billi

Menu

Asking for help

My Support Forums