[frowningdown]

Hi. I am new to PC. I have been diagnosed with so many things in my life, I could not relay them all to you. Even so, I chose to begin posting here, in BPD land because reading your posts, this is where I most seem to fit.

In reality, I do not fit anywhere.

I want to say somethings in here that I have never told anyone. Ever. Not therapists or family or friends or spouses or priests or anyone. Well, my dogs know, but I have not told them, they are just observant.

OK the weirdest thing is not appropriate for children, so...






Ok. now are we alone?


When I get very anxious, I will hand pluck my pubic hair. Seriously. No tweezers or razors, just grab between my fingernails and yank.

OK, If that isn't weird enough, when I get very anxious and scared, I will use my fingernails and scratch my genital area until I have thin little bleeding lines.

I need to know if anyone else does this. I need to know if it "means" something, like I have a specific diagnoses or something. I need to know just how weird this is. I need to know if anyone else does this, have they been able to admit it to their therapist? if so, what happened?

I know that I have lots of mental and emo issues already. But this one I have never talked about. Because it is too weird, too strange and I fear it would prove to everyone else what I have known all my life: I do not belong on this planet. I do not fit in society and I am not fit to be here.

Please, even if you have to do something to hide your identity, please tell me if you do this or what you think of this. Does this confirm that I am not fit to be here? What do you think it means?

Waiting and scared.
Need your information more than I fear it though.

[Flooded]

There are many things we can do to SI. There are no rules as to what or how or where.

[Lil Ant Lady]

do you have any sexual issues at all?
i dont do this personally, or have ever read of anyone doing so until your post.
i can understand why you probably havent spoken of it but it is a form of self harm if you ask me. its just your way, i guess, of releasing it on yourself in the same way as those that cut/burn and in the same way that people binge and purge.
maybe opening up to your therapist might yield some insight for you?
otherwise, i wouldnt worry too much... its not a heinous thing - it just happens to be slightly different from the contemporary forms of self injury xxxx

[gashly]

I don't know much about it, but I've met a person or two who had been diagnosed with Trichotillomania, they plucked hair from their bodies. Perhaps that might be something to look into as well?

Frowningdown, I don't believe that what you're talking about is all that strange or unusual when talking about self-abuse. Many individuals pull, cut, hit, pinch or burn their private parts. I'm not trying to say that it is "okay" but it is pretty typical when it comes to individuals who self abuse.

That said, I hope that you have a therapist who is working with you on your issues related to self-hatred and other self hatred issues. You say that you "don't fit anywhere" . .. guess what, that's something that would put you in the category of BPD. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, find a good one. Find one that understands self abuse/self loathing/self hatred/ self hatred. A person doesn't hurt herself/himself unless there is an urge to destroy. Work to find out why you're doing what you are doing to yourself. .. .and if there is a part of you that says, "I don't hate myself! . . . I don't want to hurt myself!" . .. Ask yourself why you would perform an act on yourself that is painful, hurtful and physically damaging. . . .It is a question that always stopped me in my quest to close off my thoughts about how screwed up I was in regard to how I treated myself! Good luck!