I think I might borderline personality disorder..

I have been reading on a website the symptoms. Some of them have matched what I feel. People don't be harsh I know I can't be diagnosed online. I need an idea if I have it.

So... I do hold grudges and I become sensitive to rejection. I went for a job interview and it was a no. I felt hatred for that boss. I think people dislike me.

I prefer being on my own and I like to be in my own world. When I was younger, I used to make up stories in my head. I used to make up characters too. I can't socialise well. If I think someone ignore, I think I have done something wrong or they might dislike me. Now someone just went offline and I said hello. Now I feel like I dislike them. I pushed people away. That's why I don't have much friends.

I become easily frustrated and I can't socialise well. I can tend to be self centred and my emotions are strong and I can easily be excited. I am worried about what other people think of me. Oh yeah I can become very angry and I can't control my feelings.... THEN that's when the self harming comes in. I either do something to hurt myself to get rid of the anger. Oh yeah and I did a quiz on here and it said I have borderline traits.

What do you lot think?

I have all those symptoms [plus others, and all in my own way], and it is recognised I'm dealing with personality disorder symptoms/issues. BUT I am not diagnosed with Borderline, or any other personality disorder [I also meet the criteria for Avoidant, which it sounds like you have some of, too.]
It seems that the medics see my insecurity etc as part of deeply entrenched depression and anxiety.

Thanks for your reply.

It really sounds more Avoidant to me, but I'm not an expert

I do avoid people. I hardly go out with "friends" anymore.

I agree with you but im not a professional. I experience some of the symptoms (in my own way) as you have and some different ones too. I have a therapist but i havn't been diagnosed with it. I wonder if it would be a good idea to bring it up

You would have to get an professional assessment to find out your diagnosis. Sometimes it's not very straightforward and there could be multiple things going on. I'm not sure if you have insurance coverage, or go to school, or know of a clinic where you could get assessed at a reduced rate.

^ She's in the UK. The NHS do psychiatric assessments for free. Eventually, unless it's urgent.

Ok, I probably shouldn't be posting, but I'm a bit confused about the difference between borderline and avoidant vs. Personality types. I do a lot of research on personality typing (MBTI and Enneagram) and ISFP's, INFP's, and Enneagram type 4, and probably 5 too, sound a heck of a lot like these personality disorders, yet it's their own personality type. So I don't understand how these are issues. To me, happycheeks, you sound like any number of those types, and I would know, those are my types (MBTI ISFP/INFP, and Enneagram type 4w5), and I relate to pretty much everything you've said.

Enneagram type 4, very very strong emotions, can feel emptiness and wanting to find something else, feel like they're missing something. They're much more focused in their own minds rather than the world around them (especially the 4w5's are, it's insane). From my experiences, and what I've read, there's also a great struggle with socializing, so they shy away from it. These are probably the typical Avoidant people. They may also be quite frustrated with society, I know I am (YAY FOR THE BOHEMIAN lol).

For ISFP's and INFP's (not saying that's your type, you need to find that out on your own) they're probably some of the MOST introverted personality types you can find, especially the INFP's (the idealists), and being an introvert there tends to be few friends you can really connect to.

In relation to your post, happycheeks, I relate to practically EVERYTHING you've said, right down to the making up stories in my head and coming up with multiple characters, this is probably typical type 4 stuff, as they idealize and create idealistic selfs, characters basically. They're also super creative, so creating stories in their heads is pretty easy and probably far more entertaining than the world around them, I know it is for me.

So, I'm not sure there's even a problem, but then again I don't know anything about Borderline and Avoidant other than what I've read, or anything about you other than what you've posted, and those two personality disorders seem to correlate very well to the personality types I've mentioned, so I don't fully understand the difference.

Here are a couple links for you to take some personality typing tests, the enneagram one is pretty simple, the MBTI, in my opinion, is a bit more difficult, they'll tell you your types based on your answers.

http://www.enneagramquiz.com/quiz.html

http://16typequiz.com/quiz.html

Here are two parts of the forum you can look through to get more info, find others you can relate to and talk to

http://personalitycafe.com/forum/

http://personalitycafe.com/enneagram...-theory-forum/

Ok, I apologize for the long post, and I apologize that it's not what you're looking for, I know you're looking for a mental disorder type answer, but maybe these can help you understand yourself a bit better, maybe it'll make more sense than trying to place yourself in a mental disorder. If then you still don't find what you're looking for, well then at least nothing was wasted because chances are you did at least find a little something in what I gave you.

And if you do think there's a mental disorder related problem rather than a messed up personality type (and I actually love being a enneagram type 4, I love the strong emotions, so I don't see much issue, even if it does create hassle) then do as you know you should do, see a professional

Best to you,

AniveCsebure