[become_UNmasked]

i've found myself slightly depressed and not interested in doing anything lately. it could be because i'm also fighting a sinus infection though. my thoughts have wondered to some people that have left my life rather abruptly for no particular reason. one was a therapist i had in high school that was wonderful, but for some unknown reason he quit his practice. he's the only one that i felt truly understood where i was and how to help me. i'm afraid of anyone else counceling me. not to mention we can't afford a therapist for me for now.

another person i'm having a hard time letting go was there for me and was the one that pushed to get me the help i needed two years ago. he had a falling out with my husbands best friend and decided to "un"friend us all. my husband saw on my lap top i've been looking up his personal blog and asked me to stop having anything to do with him (it's not like i was talking to him) at any rate he mentioned taking me to therapy if it happens anymore because i can't let go. i'm not opposed to therapy before it happens again, but i'm afraid i won't be able to find one like the first one i had. it was like he used a special type of therapy on me, where i didn't realize what he was doing until we were done with the issue i was having. does that make sense?

yes it makes sense..

my dearest therapist had a stroke and couldn't work no more,..

but he challenged me like no-one else...I guess it took its toll on him

he broke down... and he wasn't the only one...

now I don't say much to doctors...

I miss him

he was excellent...

I liked the way we talked...he understood me...

now he is gone

[become_UNmasked]

how do you find a good therapist? i've seen two that haven't worked out, one was abrasive, and the other too passive...

most and everyone are strangers

until we look them in the eyes..

maybe sit down with the hubby and imagine his worries to his face...

I bet he likes you a whole lot..

it's just we need help to feel..

if we feel others feelings.....

it comes so easy

they have problems to..

...walk in with pretend confidence if you must...

don't let them think you are easy...

no smiles and goodbye!

maybe break down on the spot!

never be ashamed of the stress

share it with everyone you meet...

I have had passive professionals also...it was instant and upsetting..

everytime I walked out I felt like I made them feel better about themselves..

meanwhile I suffer ..

my advice..

listen to people like me...as you asked the question..

I respond because I know

I walk along death regularly......we need therapists that LIKE us...

therapists that are a little eccentric!..


not just working

I sat with a guy..someone I should trust..

I was describing my pain,... and what I go through...

but I could see like a FLASH of recognition...his eyes drifted ever so gently

and 2 days later he was dead from an overdose

we are safer sometimes with a personal consult!

...what happened to him affected me


trust your heart....

maybe I'm full of crap..

i don't do therapists anymore

it's not thieir fault

[Wysteria]

Originally Posted by become_UNmasked

how do you find a good therapist? i've seen two that haven't worked out, one was abrasive, and the other too passive...

Hey Become Unmasked,

I sure hope that you feel better soon. Being sick always makes us a little more depressed and lonely feeling. Trying to find a good therapist is always a little hard. I think that you can ask a lot of questions, but in the end, the connection will either be there or not and you will know it after about 4-6 weeks of therapy. Definitely give it a good fair shake and try to be open and honest and see how they respond to you. Do they seem to make sense and draw you out and give you some sense of hearing and listening to you? Do you feel some sense of safety with you and do they seem professional and to have good boundaries? Do you feel like they genuinely care about you and ask good and relevant questions overall. Do their business practices seem in order ie billing and appt setting? Does your gut seem to say that they are safe and that their surroundings are a safe place or can be a safe place? You will get a feel for it after a while. It may definitely not all be in place, but you will sense if the potential is there and if there is sincerity in their eyes. If not, don't be afraid at all to move the heck on and find the right one for you... A T that is not afraid of and has a good attitude about working with people with BPD is important. If they seem pained by it or want to put you in a box or category by your diagnosis then leave.

I hope you find just the right T to help you in your path towards healing and a better life..

Wysteria Blue

[become_UNmasked]

i just want to talk to someone that will truly understand what i'm going through right now. i'm not sure we can afford a therapist, no insurance. we're struggling to even get groceries right now.

i have that un-ending feeling of emptiness.. and i don't feel like doing anything but i feel "happy" in that peaceful sorta way????? idk.

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by become_UNmasked

i just want to talk to someone that will truly understand what i'm going through right now. i'm not sure we can afford a therapist, no insurance. we're struggling to even get groceries right now.

i have that un-ending feeling of emptiness.. and i don't feel like doing anything but i feel "happy" in that peaceful sorta way????? idk.

A few things....

Are you in the U.S. ?

(maybe you tried these) You might want to try googling "therapist sliding scale", check with Social Services and see if they know of anyone that works with low income, as a last resort if you belong to a church you may wanna see your pastor.

Finding a therapist that you relate to and feel comfortable with is difficult, however in your situation where you have no insurance it's not practical to be picky. You take someone that you can at least tolerate. It's kind of the mindset something is better than nothing.

Several years ago I was fired by my psychologist. I know this is hard to believe, and I was heartbroken for about 5 seconds, maybe 10, probably 8. Anyways, I went with this other guy, and initially it was awkward, I found him to be somewhat hard to open up and talk to, but I stayed with him because I was distraught and just didn't have the energy to mess around with trying to find someone else. It became easier, and I'm still with him today. I've been with him longer than other therapist. In fact, he probably knows me just as well as I do. If I had the energy and wasn't in such rough spot at the time, I would've gone with my initial impression and dumped him. I would've lost out on what has now become a great relationship.

The point of this story is you passed up on one therapist that was too aggressive and another that was too passive. I'm not sure how long you spent with either of them, but it's possible one of them may have been a good fit. The person that you connected with so well is gone, but there's someone out there that's just as good. It might just take more time with someone to discover this.

Good luck to you!