[Clare76]

I was diagnosed BPD two weeks ago and as yet am on no medication.

I have been feeling OK the last two days and was begining to enjoy some stability and then literaly 20mins ago I could start to feel my mood change, and its still plummeting!
It feels like Im falling off an emotional cliff and I get scared cuz I dont know where Im going to land.

How can I go from loving my family and wanting to be with them,
Wanting to see my daughter at her drama club in an hour
feeling excited about a new project,
looking forward to a quiet evening with my husband wrapping christmas presents.

to..

Hating everyone in sight! (I soo want to write that in red capitals lol )
Wondering why the heck I even got married and had a family!
Trying to remember why I want to fight with traffic in the cold and rain to see a drama group?!
Wishing i lived on a deserted island somewhere so i could be left alone, but not wanting to be lonely!
Wishing the world would disappear with me on it.

So Ive taken myself to bed and am hiding from everyone and everything hoping this doesnt mean the begining of another depression cycle.

Please tell me there are some really, really, great drugs that can make this easier.
Thanx Clare xx

[become_UNmasked]

clare i know how you feel, i can't count how many times i've switched like that.
medicine does make it easier, the lows are nearly that low. stability is possible, i promise it just might take a while to find the right anti-depressant or mood stabilizer for you but with patience (of which i have none) stability is possible.

[cboxpalace]

Please tell me there are some really, really, great drugs that can make this easier.

You mean like illegal ones?

Sorry to hear about the mood swing, and the cold/rain certainly isn't helping any.

Hopefully things will start looking better soon!!

[Clare76]

Thank you unmasked.
So there is hope?

Still falling,
Im going to miss the drama thing.
Just another reason why I suck at being a mum or just a human being

[become_UNmasked]

you don't suck at being a mom or a human being those are irrational thoughts.
can you make yourself go to the drama? maybe it would help pull you out of your depression a bit? or would it cause you more angst to go?

there is hope, just hang in there.

[Clare76]

Thank you unmasked
I missed the drama group thing.
But,
My beautiful little daughter never ceases to amaze me.
She is only 10 and so has no need to know all the gory BPD details.
All she knew was i was feeling "poorly" so while coming home she asked to call into the library where she rented a DVD to help me feel better.
How blessed I am.
I really worry, I hope she doesnt suffer or become screwed up cuz of my poor mental health? God I hate this.

[become_UNmasked]

awww she sounds like a doll!!!!

i worry the same about my son. he's only 2 though so i have a while before he really "feels" my mental health issues!!!

i think we all hate this, it's learning to love ourselves and not allow borderline personality disorder to define us. we are not all the same.

BPD sucks!!!

I know how you feel, Mood swings are so horrible, I get them all the time, I go from wanting people around me to wanting to be on my own almost everyday, Hang in there

[become_UNmasked]

the worst is when your with people and one minute your pleasant and the next you just want to hit something and go off and then your depressed about changing your moods so fast while with people... *doh* sooo annoying.

[ECHOES]

Something happens to cause those sudden shifts. It takes some time working with a therapist to understand what they are about. Something often frightens us, but we may not know what that is, we just react. Your therapist can help you learn about this, about you. No medication will do anything for it.

[Ashleigh28]

I agree with Echoes, something causes a shift. Little things that the normal person wouldnt be phased by, affect us. A real or imagined fear, a snag in a shirt, seriosuly the stuff that sends me swinging is insane!

Hang in there!!

[DespondentDaisy]

Originally Posted by Clare76

Thank you unmasked.
So there is hope?

Still falling,
Im going to miss the drama thing.
Just another reason why I suck at being a mum or just a human being

Oh, don't say that! I'm sure you great! Like they say, you're only crazy if you don't worry that your crazy- I'm sure you're a great mom because you're worried about being a good enough mom. I hope you get those moods under control (or get on some mood stabilizers)

[Clare76]

Thank you everyone for your kind comments and support.
Good to know other people understand.
For the past 15yrs my family have had no idea how to react to my sudden mood fluctuations, come to think of it neither have I! lol
Going to have to learn what those triggers are.
Thanks again, really, really appreciate it