[become_UNmasked]

i was thinking, does idealization mean when the person does something wrong we are able to completely look past it to the point that the wrong action doesn't matter? or does it mean we don't see the wrong action for what it is, wrong? does it matter how bad of an action it is?

i miss having a special connection with someone, which i'm only guessing means i miss having someone to idealize??? or maybe i just miss having friends in general.... i'm just trying to figure this whole thing out, make sense of it all. *sigh*

[Ashleigh28]

For me, when someone I idealize, does something wrong, I make excuses for them. That person also has no faults, if someone points them out, I make excuses for that as well. And at the time i don't think of them as "excuses"... I will make all the problems or issues have rational explainations that aren't that persons fault. No matter how wrong the action, I won't make it their fault.

As for the second part, I have no advice. I have no family around, really only have two friends around me... So I struggle with the same feelings. Know you aren't alone.

[become_UNmasked]

the only person around that acknowledges my diagnoses is my husband. so really he is all i have. lonely doesn't begin to describe how i'm feeling. i'm glad you have a few friends around. i have acquintenances (spelling?) but nothing on a personal level.

is it wierd to miss idealizing someone? having someone understand me in such a way no one else can understand?

[Ashleigh28]

Its not wrong to want that in any way shape or form. People crave acceptance and love. Friendship is simply that... I would seek out friendship and if you end up idolizing someone, so be it. My best friend for the past ten years is bipolar. (so when i tell her stuff, she totally gets it)

I moved out to California, four years ago, and I moved all around the state for a job. So, My closest friends live an hour away and my family 3,000 miles. So, like you... I have a significant other who i rely on for everything. Its not fair for him, which is why I talk on boards like this. Helps me identify to other people, so I am not always talking to my boyfriend about my crazy. lol.

[become_UNmasked]

if i had places to seek out friendships in person i would. i'm a stay at home mom all the time. i don't go anywhere w/o my son or husband. i'm very clingy to my husband and hate doing anything alone. it's hard for me to make friends that way and i find i idealize men easier and faster than any woman i could be friends with which is also scarey in terms of my marriage

[cboxpalace]

Wow, I'm a guy and find it easier to relate to women..

This part isn't going to be too helpful, but be thankful that you at least have a husband that you can share experiences/conversations with. I have no friends or SO.

I think idolizing someone may mean different things to different people. Whatever it means to you the perception that you have of them probably isn't accurate. You're making them out to be better than what they are.

A couple of weeks ago I lost contact with someone that I probably idolized, and maybe still do. I'm not sure. We'd chat for hours online about her issues and mine, as well as, anything else that came to mind. I'm in the U.S. and she was in the U.K. I miss terribly the conversations that we'd have, and just feeling a connection to someone. It also didn't hurt that she was a woman and I loved the thought of an English accent.
I perceived her as my equal. I realized that she had her own issues, but where I think my peception was flawed is that I saw her as being totally innocent and could do no wrong to anyone...

She said that she wouldn't abandon me, and she did. I guess in addition to missing our conversations, I'm somewhat in shock about what she did to me. So I guess I did idolize her, and now I'm seeing this fault within her, but at the sametime don't wanna believe it's true.. <--- not sure if this makes sense or not.

[become_UNmasked]

i think i'm idealizing someone again. which means i'm splitting with my husband.. not divorcing but putting in a catagory good or bad... i can't analyze the one i'm idealizing because i don't really know him that well, we just talk all the time and he's a listening ear. so how do i stop idealizing him? i don't want to cause problems for my husband and i.

[become_UNmasked]

i realize i've wanted to idealize someone.. i've wanted them to be female so i could have a sorta best friend.. UGH