Met a BPDer in a BPD forum who has turned my life upside down

Beana77 · Jan 04, 2012, 03:26 PM

That's funny what you said about being devalued and discarded. I do think of it as etched in stone and irreversible. That's how it's talked about in most of these forums and in some books. When I read about narcissistic supply, it really resonates with the way I feel D regarded me. I don't want to believe that, but when you read something and it sends a chill down your spine, that's usually not a good sign.

He had every right to discard me actually. I laid multiple guilt trips on him and pretty much acted psychotic. He was cold and invalidating in response to my emotional pain, yes... but nobody should have to put up with that.

Beana77 · Jan 04, 2012, 10:32 PM

I really hate the title of this thread. It sounds so "victimy". I just made up that word.

unaluna · Jan 04, 2012, 11:02 PM

I would go with victimmy. Otherwise i'm seeing vic-TIE-me. And timmy is ALWAYS cute, it just is not present in enough words! But it's your word! I'm just playin'!

Beana77 · Jan 04, 2012, 11:48 PM

I get that. Let's go with Victimee. In any case, I don't like the title of this thread, and I don't want to be a victim.

Beana77 · Jan 17, 2012, 10:21 AM

No contact since December 26! I'm making progress...

I'm finally starting to feel anger instead of just sadness. I met up with a girl that I met in another forum and she commented on how I seem really kind hearted and caring from my posts. While I appreciated the compliment, this made me think that this is why D targeted me and reached out. I seemed like just enough of a sucker to take his bait. I'm not a stupid person, so why do I do this to myself? It's like I see the red flags and I run toward them instead of away.

I think of him as a narcissist now, more than borderline. Maybe he's just borderline with N traits, or both. His lack of empathy and ability to coldly discard me without looking back leans toward the N side.

Forgive77 · Jan 17, 2012, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beana77

Thanks everyone for the great feedback. I haven't figured out how to receive notifications via email so I didn't know anyone had replied until I just checked.

On Wed we talked briefly (he was drunk) and he asked that we wait until the weekend to talk. I texted him on Thursday and asked why we have to wait until the weekend to talk. He replied on Fri, "because I'm really busy and some people don't respect me time...". Wow. I didn't respond, so a few hours later he texted me and said "now is a good time if you want to talk". I didn't call which for me is a huge victory. I also didn't want him to know that once again I had no plans on a Friday night.

It feels like I'm playing a game, but I hate that everything is always on his terms. I suppose I need to talk to him about the miscarriage at some point. There isn't really anything to say.... he wasn't available when I was going through it, so why should I care that he's now "making time" to talk about it. Of course I shouldn't have told him via text, but come on... have some perspective on the situation buddy.

So... I'm not ready to walk away completely yet, but I need to send a message that I can't be treated this way. I think I mentioned that my therapist thinks he's a narcissist. Is it common for narcissists to be misdiagnosed with BPD or is it just that narcissism can be a part of BPD?

We had a post on here months ago about how BPD people get with Narcissists. Look back 3 - 4 months ago. It's there, and you'll prob pee your pants!!!

mcl6136 · Jan 17, 2012, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beana77

No contact since December 26! I'm making progress...

I'm finally starting to feel anger instead of just sadness. I met up with a girl that I met in another forum and she commented on how I seem really kind hearted and caring from my posts. While I appreciated the compliment, this made me think that this is why D targeted me and reached out. I seemed like just enough of a sucker to take his bait. I'm not a stupid person, so why do I do this to myself? It's like I see the red flags and I run toward them instead of away.

I think of him as a narcissist now, more than borderline. Maybe he's just borderline with N traits, or both. His lack of empathy and ability to coldly discard me without looking back leans toward the N side.

actually his ability to coldly discard you might piont to something much worse...like sociopathy or something. No expert here, but watch out.

Beana77 · Jan 17, 2012, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcl6136

actually his ability to coldly discard you might piont to something much worse...like sociopathy or something. No expert here, but watch out.

My understanding is that narcissists devalue and discard very easily. This is a great example:

. Best devaluing and discarding scene in a movie ever!

Is it okay to post links in this forum?

Forgive77 · 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beana77

No contact since December 26! I'm making progress...

I'm finally starting to feel anger instead of just sadness. I met up with a girl that I met in another forum and she commented on how I seem really kind hearted and caring from my posts. While I appreciated the compliment, this made me think that this is why D targeted me and reached out. I seemed like just enough of a sucker to take his bait. I'm not a stupid person, so why do I do this to myself? It's like I see the red flags and I run toward them instead of away.

I think of him as a narcissist now, more than borderline. Maybe he's just borderline with N traits, or both. His lack of empathy and ability to coldly discard me without looking back leans toward the N side.

Oh boy...Am I late to this one!!! Hi sweetie!! We haven't met cause I've been gone.

I've read as much as possible.

You are NOT a narcissist. A Narcissist wouldn't care to look at themselves....I'm not sure you're even Borderline if you didn't kill him. LOL Here's the deal...congrats on not talking to him!!! He's a scab. That's the nicest way I can put it. RUN. You ever seen that movie..."He's just not that into you." RUN! He doesn't sound like he's working on himself...If he's not doing what he's supposed to be doing...and not holding himself accountable...um...you are...so....you're working on yourself which makes you over think your feelings. You seem pretty lost....esp if you now think you're a narcissist. You've lost your sence of self. You need to write down how wonderuld you are, and make a list of all the good things you are, and hang it up. Your realationship started on a computer...why would a text suck? I mean really? The guy is a douche bag.

You wouldn't want to have his baby anyway...pardon my bluntness....(I've had more than one abortions)..two with a guy just like this dude. It gets worse, and the cops get called. THANK GOD you didn't have his baby. You'd be stuck with him like it or not for the rest of your life...it doesn't just end at 18 -21....its marriages, babies, graduations..and on and on with the child. He's in your life forever. At least he was a stepping stone for you to learn on. Also make a list of the type of man you would like. I did and I got my husband!! You have to have a set of rules for yourself, and a real list of what you want. Then it's easier to pre qualify everyone. If they don't match up...move on.

Hope this wasn't too much on you for the first time we met. Huge congrats on walking away...not start running, and block him from everything you can!!! Seriously. Make it so you can't contact him, and he can't contact you.

Forgive77 · Jan 17, 2012, 11:39 AM

ooops sorry. You said you think of him as a narsisit...ya...I agree with you there.!! You go girl...get really angry...and if you wan't to go slash his tires....

I'll help. LOL

Forgive77 · Jan 17, 2012, 03:54 PM

Hope I didn't scare you off or make you feel bad. That wasn't my intent. I just wanted to help. Hope I didn't cross a line. Sorry if I did.

athena2011 · Jan 17, 2012, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Forgive77

We had a post on here months ago about how BPD people get with Narcissists. Look back 3 - 4 months ago. It's there, and you'll prob pee your pants!!!

If I was a REEEEALLY smart narcissist, I would convince a high functioning Borderline to marry me and have kids with me, then I would quit my job and run a hobby business involving lots of leisure activities, and when questioned about the losses, say "But I've got a big fish I'm about to reel in, I can't stop now." And I'd find many different excuses to string her along every time she asked. Then I'd wait until she was really overloaded with work and kids and eat into all the family savings. Then if she tried to divorce me, I'd go after her for spousal support, drive her insane so I could keep the kids and collect child support too, with absolutely no intentions of spending the money on them. Then if she went on disability, I'd threaten to take half of that because after all, I've got to support my golfing habit. If I got a job while I was dragging out the divorce proceedings trying to wear her down, then I would threaten to quit it the second she got off disability so I could collect a bigger cheque from her. And I know she'd never pull or even threaten to pull these scumball tactics on me 'cause after all - she's BORDERLINE!

So Beana - have we scared you enough? Sorry to say, this is a true story...and the nightmare continues...

Beana77 · Jan 18, 2012, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Forgive77

Hope I didn't scare you off or make you feel bad. That wasn't my intent. I just wanted to help. Hope I didn't cross a line. Sorry if I did.

Not at all! I'm just seeing these responses now. I totally appreciate your feedback and agree with you. I just have to let it get from my head to my heart. I'm not quite there yet, but no contact is helping.

Beana77 · Jan 18, 2012, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by athena2011

If I was a REEEEALLY smart narcissist, I would convince a high functioning Borderline to marry me and have kids with me, then I would quit my job and run a hobby business involving lots of leisure activities, and when questioned about the losses, say "But I've got a big fish I'm about to reel in, I can't stop now." And I'd find many different excuses to string her along every time she asked. Then I'd wait until she was really overloaded with work and kids and eat into all the family savings. Then if she tried to divorce me, I'd go after her for spousal support, drive her insane so I could keep the kids and collect child support too, with absolutely no intentions of spending the money on them. Then if she went on disability, I'd threaten to take half of that because after all, I've got to support my golfing habit. If I got a job while I was dragging out the divorce proceedings trying to wear her down, then I would threaten to quit it the second she got off disability so I could collect a bigger cheque from her. And I know she'd never pull or even threaten to pull these scumball tactics on me 'cause after all - she's BORDERLINE!

So Beana - have we scared you enough? Sorry to say, this is a true story...and the nightmare continues...

I just read about a story almost exactly like this. So frightening. The one positive here is that I'm now on high alert for people like him and he got me back into therapy once a week. I know there's no guarantee I won't be attracted to narcissistic personalities in the future, but I won't let it go too far... hopefully. I do feel stronger though.

Forgive77 · Jan 18, 2012, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beana77

I just read about a story almost exactly like this. So frightening. The one positive here is that I'm now on high alert for people like him and he got me back into therapy once a week. I know there's no guarantee I won't be attracted to narcissistic personalities in the future, but I won't let it go too far... hopefully. I do feel stronger though.

It's awesome you feel stronger!! That's really great. Glad I didn't freak you out...

Beana77 · Jan 18, 2012, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Forgive77

It's awesome you feel stronger!! That's really great. Glad I didn't freak you out...

Not at all.

You're right about it being better that I didn't have his child. That would have been an absolute nightmare. He's actually pretty good with kids, but if he had his own I think it would be different.

Beana77 · Jan 18, 2012, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beana77

Not at all.

You're right about it being better that I didn't have his child. That would have been an absolute nightmare. He's actually pretty good with kids, but if he had his own I think it would be different.

Just noticed we both have 77 in our usernames.

I'm thinking that means we're the same age?