being assertive???

....I was doin' some work today and somebody asked me if I have alot of trouble saying no?.....and I said yes!

I've been trying to say 'no' since 2008, so far I can manage "I can't" "I'm busy" and "not right now"...

..sounds all too familiar Trippin!

I said no quite nicely last year some time...I think it was April, it felt immediately good, like empowering...but then suddenly I didn't understand it!
I had no back-up plan. I suddenly didn't believe I had any valid reasons for saying no.....and within half an hour my no turned into a yes definitely!
what a dimwit I felt.
It's as though there is more potential for validation in a yes than there is with a no..even if I hate what it is I am saying yes to...

what the??....

....I have said no before, but in such a chaotic borderline way that I never got asked again by them that got the no from me!

ugh! ..

I know exactly what you mean. And worse part is, no matter WHAT they're asking, they already EXPECT a yes...

Saying no comes easy to me as does the "you f**king idiot" that follows...

Teach me Flooded!!!

It's not actually that difficult Trippin. Practice in the mirror and to old ladies who piss around in the supermarket..it'll soon become second nature

Lmfao! Will give it a go

Old ladies can say anything they want and get away with it. And nobody says a word to them.
I can't wait to be one just so I can do that!

An old biddy once reached out a grabbed my sons cheek making him cry and she had the nerve to be horrified when I grabbed HER cheek and shook it just as vigorously. Old bag won't do that again I bet!

thats my problem being assertive sometimes i am a door mat because i cant say no, i am working on being assertive but its very hard

Well just add me to the list!! You're describing me perfectly. I can't say no either. On the spot it's always yes! And then later once I've had the time to come up with a socially acceptable excuse, I can say "oh I'm so sorry I can't ______ because ______." but I'm not really sorry, I'm just glad I've been able to think of a good enough excuse!! Lol, because if I can't think of one, then I'm stuck with my original "yes" answer

Cbox doesn't know what assertive means, unless it's me telling someone to go to hell. I know what that means and cbox is very good that, amongst other words. Me likes her post up above, and cbox thinks doglover is very patient, and sees no reason that her needs to be assertive, at least cbox thinks that. I also like him, and him thinks he is a very nice dubblemonkey. Cbox doesn't think think him needs to be assertive when he has innerbaby to fall back on. cbox uses this all the time and I like it, me find it very helpful. I think he should practice telling innerbaby to go to hell. This works for cbox, and him do it often. I also call his innerbaby much much worse names, and cbox likes it. He is also on a british mental health site and he is referred to as the King of ****s. Him thinks this is very funny, and I like it... He thanks him for writing this insightful post and I find it very helpful..

dubble... I discovered what speaking in 10th person means.. it means referring to the other person in 1st, 2nd or 3rd person.. I'm glad we got that figured out. It was confusing to me not knowing 10th person speak.. You'll see my post is written in 1st , 2nd , 3rd and 10th person... lol

inside joke people, cbox is really not that stupid..

LOL....thats awesome cbox!!
..you bypassed intermediate, and went directly to advanced communication techniques overnight!

seems the 10th person can be relied on to be assertive, while the first, second and third person catch up?

once again you have delivered your message with cbox genius!...I do hope cbox is happy with himself.

Flooded, you crack me up!

I would never have had the courage to do that! But I would not have been happy if that happened to one of my boys either.

I have a lot of trouble saying no, but I'm getting better at it. When my kids ask for something, I ask them to do something for me first. It's taken a long time for me to get to that, because asking them to do ANYTHING is agonizing. I tend to reserve it for 'must do's'.

But I found that their hearing is simply awful when I ask them to do something. I found that in order to get heard, you have to instill 'command' in your voice. It's an clear, unwavering, undeniable expectation that the other person WILL simply do what you ask. Any hint of it being an option cannot enter your mind as you say the words or you are toast. You must be louder than normal but not yelling, not angry, not nagging, not ready to give up.

My ex has this skill, although he does it in a nasty way. You feel like you're going to get ripped to shreds if you don't do what he asks (tells) you to do. And when I wanted him to do something, he was expert at saying no. He'd either say 'No, I'm not doing that' in the most snooty tone like who the hell are you to ask that. If he can't think up an excuse, then there's the handy dandy, 'I'll do it later'. And if you ask again when 'later' comes he'll angrily tell you "I TOLD YOU I'D DO IT LATER!!" with the meanest, iciest look in his eyes like you are his worst enemy and you better not DARE ask him again. So he never does it. Later = No, never.

Personally I prefer Flooded's very honest and up-front "F*** off!" In the long run, the least amount of pain for both parties.

My son was only 7 months old and while he did have the most delectable chubby cheeks, the filthy old bag should have kept her nicotine-stained fingers to herself. She could have just wiped her arse for all I knew!

I wasn't always this way but once the first baby came out of my vagina, the whole world was put on notice