does there come a time where ya' just go..."ok! I am sick"

.....in a few hours I will be manic and panic
my brain is looping negativity
it's not my real life

I will need to sleep and during the process I will perhaps have nightmares

it would be nice to fantasise about death

but I already gave up on that one

so here I am on the other side

tortured

I really am sick

mentally ill

it's obvious to me

and now I have gone ****ing global with it

this scares me but it's too late