...I mean would I really know?...for real?

have I ever been okay?....oh damn here I go again with the questions and stuff!

I don't even know why I am writing...I feel compelled ...it's irresistable to share in this place...

I have never really felt okay..and by that I mean relaxed...something in my borderline experience just refuses to let me relax.

I had this dream this morning and it was so eerie (not like the lake)...
apparently I had found myself most way up an enormous cliff...way up near the clouds ..it was cold and a couple other mad climbers were there with me. There was nothing to hold on to. I was pooping my pants. (not in bed for real)
I didn't like the feeling at all that I might fall.....and while these others were chatting away quite relaxed....I just leapt off! into nothingness... believing it had to be better than worrying about falling I chose to jump....and down I sailed...and there was no stomach sinking feeling ...it was quite pleasant..and I just waited as the wind rushed past....it was a long way down and I was not looking forward to the impact....and then WHACK!!....I landed real hard and what the?....I was still alive.??

I had broken my back real bad and it hurt a bit but I couldn't believe it that I was alive.

a few minutes later I was even limping away with some help from strangers and a couple people even clapped and said....well yeh mate!

It was the best dream ever ...

[summeryoga]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

I didn't like the feeling at all that I might fall.....and while these others were chatting away quite relaxed....I just leapt off! into nothingness... believing it had to be better than worrying about falling I chose to jump....and down I sailed...and there was no stomach sinking feeling ...it was quite pleasant..and I just waited as the wind rushed past....it was a long way down and I was not looking forward to the impact....and then WHACK!!....I landed real hard and what the?....I was still alive.??

It was the best dream ever ...

OMG, J, all those conversations we've had about being terrified to jump off the cliff into recovery ... You remember us talking about that? How scary it is to jump? It's a good dream, J, a really good dream. XO

[become_UNmasked]

:-) i think your sub-conscience is telling you it's ready to make the jump into recovery!!! that yah it's painful but you can do it and make it out alive!!! that's a great realization and dream to have just remember you can do it!!! and you aren't alone you have people clapping for you