[athena2011]

I look back over all my relationships - friends, family, husband, boyfriends, kids. And the one common denominator is that nothing fills the void. Your family can be present with you, you can interact with them, but it's all just empty. A significant other may be fun for a while, but in the end, it's never enough. You give and give and give. Nothing comes back. You feel like you are there for their entertainment. You stop giving, you stop entertaining, they're gone. They just don't care. Nobody does. WTF is wrong with you? Why is it so easy for everybody else? Why does everybody else get calls from friends? Why are we left out? The only way you can keep a husband is to do and give him everything he asks for....until you have nothing left to give. But then when somebody finally does give you the right kind of attention, it's still not enough. Because you've been neglected for so damn long. A half hour of stuff to say turns into 2 hours. Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone. I didn't get what I needed. Just a bit more time.

Doormats R Us.

Ghosts.

Empty shells.

Sucks to have BPD...

[tattoogirl33]

you know my take on this, 100% agree and know exactly what you mean. If I should ever come across a solution to this I will surely let you know.. and I hope you will do the same for me.

Originally Posted by athena2011

I look back over all my relationships - friends, family, husband, boyfriends, kids. And the one common denominator is that nothing fills the void. Your family can be present with you, you can interact with them, but it's all just empty. A significant other may be fun for a while, but in the end, it's never enough. You give and give and give. Nothing comes back. You feel like you are there for their entertainment. You stop giving, you stop entertaining, they're gone. They just don't care. Nobody does. WTF is wrong with you? Why is it so easy for everybody else? Why does everybody else get calls from friends? Why are we left out? The only way you can keep a husband is to do and give him everything he asks for....until you have nothing left to give. But then when somebody finally does give you the right kind of attention, it's still not enough. Because you've been neglected for so damn long. A half hour of stuff to say turns into 2 hours. Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone. I didn't get what I needed. Just a bit more time.

Doormats R Us.

Ghosts.

Empty shells.

Sucks to have BPD...

I know how you feel. The sense that nothing will ever make you feel OK; that this world was created for others but not for you. It's the Borderline emptiness that is hard to describe to anyone who hasn't felt it before. For me, it comes and goes. I've found listening to meditation CD's helps. I think a physical change happens in my body and brain functions that don't normally work, kick in.

I cannot rationalize why my life is the way it is and I cannot make sense of my past. The only thing I can do is to calm down my physical body and mind; when I'm more physically relaxed I don't think as much.

[ahiru]

some say only God himself can fill this void. but it's hard to feel it when you're feeling this way... some sort of paradox...

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by tattoogirl33

you know my take on this, 100% agree and know exactly what you mean. If I should ever come across a solution to this I will surely let you know.. and I hope you will do the same for me.

Thanks Tat. And absolutely...would let you know .

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by Stardustedforever

The only thing I can do is to calm down my physical body and mind; when I'm more physically relaxed I don't think as much.

This really struck a chord with me. Emotions go straight to my body. If some circumstance triggers my anxiety, my hands go from normal to blue in about five minutes, 'cause I've tensed up so much there's no circulation.

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by ahiru

some say only God himself can fill this void. but it's hard to feel it when you're feeling this way... some sort of paradox...

If I replace the concept of 'God' with 'Love', I think I agree with you. Love for others, love for self, being loved by others. I have experienced that only rarely in my life but when it happens it is unmistakable. At that moment, you are alive.