[Genesis2012]

Hello all,

thought I would introduce myself to the forum. Sorry if this ends up a bit rambling.

I've been diagnosed with Borderline, I had an original diagnosis of Bipolar but it didn't quite fit (and I was heavily using alcohol at the time so it wasn't really clear until I'd been sober for a good while), then not so long ago I got really angry for a few weeks and ended up watching some really violent movies and things which I usually stay away from as I know that that sort of thing really ****s with my head. I ended up in hospital for three days after wanting so badly to cut my wrist, not to die just to make the pain in my soul go away.

While there I did some research on my experiences and saw it closely matched the borderline experience, so I took all my notes to the psychiatrist and we worked through what I'd written and through the disagnostic manual and pretty much ticked all the boxes, especially my childhood, being bullied all through school and a psychologically and emotionally abusive father (He ****ed with my head so much that at the age of six I had PTSD - tip for would be parents, don't tell your kid he's going to die because of playing with playdough and then reinforce it by continuing to tell him that he's about to die!)

Anyway, the result was a very affirmative yes in terms of diagnosis - abandonment issues, you bet, watch crazy stephen turn into a quivering self loathing husk of a human when you don't return his text after 5 minutes!

Self harm, well, I didn't realise that one can do psychological self harm as well as physical, like forcing myself to watch something I know will hurt my mind and of course physically, especially with very hot water, I know exactly how hot it needs to be so I don't scar!
Unable to cope with rapidy changing internal emotions, changing sense of sexuality every couple of weeks and on and on...

Anyhow, I kind of needed to get that out to make it a bit more concrete in terms of my understanding.

Sorry if this was a bit heavy, just learning at the moment.

S

[Trippin2.0]

S, hope you like it here!

[Forgive77]

Hi! Welcome!

Everyone here is really nice! Don't worry.....you probably never say anything too heavy for us to hear.