[Trippin2.0]

*My dad died.
.
*My bf did a dissapearing act.
.
*My clique thinks getting drunk is better than hanging out with me, and don't concider I don't mind them drunk.
.
*My childhood bff has a life.
.
* Ditto for my sister
.
What was the point in wanting to live if there's nobody to share it with? Think this time I'll stay in my room permanently...

[Puffyprue]

Iam so sorry, maybe i dont know much about " abandoned" but i understand very well about " left out" .. different words but i think its feel the same

have nothing to comfort you, but iam here

[NYCDoglvr]

What about the people who are in your life? Perhaps it's a better idea to do a gratitude list. On your list there are no real abandonment issues. Your father died, natural causes. Boyfriend left: it's what guys do! Your friends have a right to drink just as you have a right to not drink. People having lives has nothing to do with you.

After a lot of work I learned to actually question abandonment. It hurt a lot less to get a reality check.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks.
Reality checklist:
* My father wished he was dead OUTLOUD for 3 months until a heart attack granted his wish( health was fine prior to that)
.
*My bf, who claimed to be my bff way before we started dating, 10yrs 2 be exact, ALWAYS promised he'd never bail, then bailed coz he couldn't fix me.
.
* My clique, apologized for abandoning me during my 12month depression, they said they felt helpless and I forgave them. I made the effort to reconnect, and we generally have fun. But they NEVER come looking for me, and they HAVE to pass my house to go anywhere. They have get togethers, go to the beach and whatn0t, but don't think of knocking on my door as they pass. Just today, I thought I overreacted and went to see them, they didn't ask me where I've been, or ask me to join. They just wanted to know if their kids were still at my house.
.
*My childhood bff, yes I don't blame her for having a life, but she doesn't even try including me. I'm ALWAYS checking in to see if SHE'S available, and she MUST pass my house too.
.
* My sister, lives 30min away, and too busy for me. Even when I dropped everything (like my DAUGHTER) to be at her side and help with her baby and household stuff during a difficult 2 weeks. When I asked her if we could hang out, she said 'idk'...
.
People in my life. Those ^^^ are it. Unless you count my douchebag younger brother whom I merely tolerate. There's only so many movies we can watch together, before we're at eachother's throats. My daughter is not exactly company. Oh and my mom, who lives in her own head 90% of the time.
* so it might not LOOK like abandonment to you, but it FEELS like it to me. And these feelings HURT.
.
- Gratitude list:
food,shelter,clothes,daughter.

[bpd2]

I was really happy to see that gratitude list at the end--because it makes ME feel better about trying to struggle with similar social isolation or loneliness, and knowing that it's very complicated to even try to take the smallest step to make any new connection when these old ones are so disappointing and sometimes heartbreaking. I'm tryiing to keep up with "homework" of gratitude lists and when I'm not really MAD about trying to do it, it feels really risky and I want to protect that little list. This is a big, big thing to put it out there. I'm pretty impressed with you. I love it that you did that.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks bpd2 *blushing*... I don't even want new connections, but really don't want the above mentioned either.

[bpd2]

I had trouble figuring out how to write that post . . . I wanted it to be about how the force I saw within you to keep up that desire to connect. I really appreciate what it takes to accept how much we need love when the relationships are so crazy for us. I want you to know how much I care about your struggle.

I wish I could take a walk by the beach with you, take a lot of deep breaths, get quiet, over and over, like those crashing, ebbing waves, then turn back to shore after a little cleansing like that. Just thinking about it just now felt great! Cool!

[Trippin2.0]

A walk on the beach would be lovely thank you you just pointed out something valuable. That I've been struggling to maintain these connections. It's true, I have, and I've been trying really hard. So that being said, I think it's fair of me to throw in the towel now, I don't have to feel guilty.
Thank you, I wish you didn't relate tho,

[bipolarmedstudent]

How is your back doing?

[Trippin2.0]

Hey bms still painful. I'm having trouble discerning between pain killers helping, or my pain tolerance increasing. Atleast it's not constant anymore, I get a break for a bout 3hrs, and when I sleep. ( so I'm trying to sleep ALL the time)
Thanks for asking

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Hey bms still painful. I'm having trouble discerning between pain killers helping, or my pain tolerance increasing. Atleast it's not constant anymore, I get a break for a bout 3hrs, and when I sleep. ( so I'm trying to sleep ALL the time)
Thanks for asking

I was looking for you back pain thread but I couldn't find it...do you have a link?

I was googling things it might be, lol.

[Trippin2.0]

Hi, I can't post the link with this idiotic phone. It's called 'I want to scream'. Think it's on the 2nd page. I really appreciate your efforts