I went to my 4th individual DBT appointment today and came half an hour early for the intake for the DBT group. Thing is, the group is led by a different therapist than the one I'm doing individual therapy with. I had run into this T. in the waiting room and talked to him on the phone a couple times (he seems to be head of this particular practice) but I hadn't really met him before.

He comes in and asks me all these questions and I answer and it's all fine and good but then he says he wants the details about how I want/wanted to kill myself... e.g. by what method?

Excuse me?? Am I weird but this struck me as quite a personal question for someone I just met 5 minutes ago. Maybe he's used to it because he says most of his patients are suicidal but I just found it very.... invasive. I said why does that matter? And he said he just wanted to know. I told him I couldn't tell him. I wasn't comfortable sharing that information.

He said, if you can't tell me you can't be in my group.

WTF??

Finally we worked it out that I could tell the other T. and she could tell him but then I didn't (tell the other T.) because the subject didn't come up and I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to tell her about how great I've felt over the past week.

I said, look, the context here is that I was on an anti-depressant that made my brain chemistry go hay-wire and that's why I've been suicidal for the past 4 months and I just finished tapering off it and I just had my first week feeling like my normal self again. I'm not suicidal. I'm not depressed. I want to take your class and learn the coping skills because I feel it would be really helpful.

He said he didn't think we were getting off to a good start. I agreed.

sigh...

[kitten2012]

Originally Posted by Lillylillie

I went to my 4th individual DBT appointment today and came half an hour early for the intake for the DBT group. Thing is, the group is led by a different therapist than the one I'm doing individual therapy with. I had run into this T. in the waiting room and talked to him on the phone a couple times (he seems to be head of this particular practice) but I hadn't really met him before.

He comes in and asks me all these questions and I answer and it's all fine and good but then he says he wants the details about how I want/wanted to kill myself... e.g. by what method?

Excuse me?? Am I weird but this struck me as quite a personal question for someone I just met 5 minutes ago. Maybe he's used to it because he says most of his patients are suicidal but I just found it very.... invasive. I said why does that matter? And he said he just wanted to know. I told him I couldn't tell him. I wasn't comfortable sharing that information.

He said, if you can't tell me you can't be in my group.

WTF??

Finally we worked it out that I could tell the other T. and she could tell him but then I didn't (tell the other T.) because the subject didn't come up and I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to tell her about how great I've felt over the past week.

I said, look, the context here is that I was on an anti-depressant that made my brain chemistry go hay-wire and that's why I've been suicidal for the past 4 months and I just finished tapering off it and I just had my first week feeling like my normal self again. I'm not suicidal. I'm not depressed. I want to take your class and learn the coping skills because I feel it would be really helpful.

He said he didn't think we were getting off to a good start. I agreed.

sigh...

That's a lousy day for sure! I guess he doesn't have to be a nice guy to be good at it though - I hope it turns around for you.

[shezbut]

No, that isn't a good start!

What a rough experience to have with one of the teachers.

In my experience, my DBT teachers never wanted us to get into specifics (of S.I., attempts, or details of abuse) in the group. As it would be counter-productive for the group to be reliving their traumatic past. I don't recall my visit with the counselor prior to joining the group ~ I vaguely recall seeing a person for like an hour, but I don't remember any of the conversation. Sorry!

I hope that the group goes much better for you than your intro to this a-hole did. Take care!

[nicoleb2]

Wow. that sounds terrible!
I never had to meet with the leaders of the DBT group I go to. As long as you see a dbt T in the office they are at, you're good, so my t already knew all the gory details of my pathetic existance.

He did tell me we didnt have to share details in the group thank god (i was picturing scenes of group therapy from One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest) so that's reassuring that it sounds like its set up more like a class.

But it left me wondering how in the world I'm supposed to talk about really personal stuff with people I have no connection with, details or no. And what's my relationship with this group leader gonna be if I only ever see him in group? And yet he'll expect me to be able to talk about these things? Maybe the idea is you're not supposed to consider that personal/private anymore? As in "hi, my name is ___ and I tried to kill myself." etc.

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by Lillylillie

He did tell me we didnt have to share details in the group thank god (i was picturing scenes of group therapy from One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest) so that's reassuring that it sounds like its set up more like a class.

But it left me wondering how in the world I'm supposed to talk about really personal stuff with people I have no connection with, details or no. And what's my relationship with this group leader gonna be if I only ever see him in group? And yet he'll expect me to be able to talk about these things? Maybe the idea is you're not supposed to consider that personal/private anymore? As in "hi, my name is ___ and I tried to kill myself." etc.

That's really bizarre. I've never talked to anyone that has had any kind of experience like that. Self Harm / Suicide, are discouraged topics and topics that quickly moved on from. The purpose of the dbt group is pracicing skills and then discussing how effective using those skills were.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Lillylillie

I went to my 4th individual DBT appointment today and came half an hour early for the intake for the DBT group. Thing is, the group is led by a different therapist than the one I'm doing individual therapy with. I had run into this T. in the waiting room and talked to him on the phone a couple times (he seems to be head of this particular practice) but I hadn't really met him before.

He comes in and asks me all these questions and I answer and it's all fine and good but then he says he wants the details about how I want/wanted to kill myself... e.g. by what method?

He said, if you can't tell me you can't be in my group.

If I were in your place, I would have wondered if the guy were manipulating me into giving him juicy details so he could get off on it!

why would he want details?

Am I missing something here?

Why would he want that information? To assess the bpd condition? And not wanting you in the group for not telling sounds extreme. I don't know how many power happy t's I have been thru.

Billi

Yeah, I don't know now. He said the idea was to help them stop you if you try to do it again, if you get suicidal again. He said wouldn't you want us to stop you? I thought no!! No I wouldn't want you to stop me and that's exactly why I don't want to tell you my plan!! No I'm not sharing that information. It's my baby, my decision, I just met you and I'm not giving you that much control over me!

I wouldve given up that info to my old T but not to these new people.