My bpd again! Man does it cause problems!

I th ought about adding this incident to the "you know you're borderline when...", but thought I would rather post this in a new thread.

Last night, Bruce (roommate not bf) and I went to an event and the plan was that he was supposed to have packed 2 sandwiches in his bag, one for him and one for me, for our supper.

I told him, "Thanks, Bruce. I will probably get hungry later."

Well, an hour later, we are at the presentation and gd it---I hear him munching away on his sandwich---and smell the ham.

My stomach is growling, I am so hungry.

I had expected him to tap me on the shoulder and ask me if I was hungry and instead, he had just started eating without me!

I was so mad I wanted to leave the auditorium.

I wanted to say to him, "Thanks a lot for not giving me something to eat and starting without me, you ****er!"

But I did not.

I sat there.

I thought angry thoughts.

I hunted in my purse for a mint that I did not find.

G*d I was mad!

But I did my DBT. I let my thoughts and observations float by.

I told myself I would deal with this after the presentation was over. I would keep my voice down.

Lots of bad voices went thru my head, "Did you misunderstand? You stupid ****, Billi! Why did you expect him to take care of you?! why are you so angry at him?!" and so on...

Well, I did talk to him. I said, "Bruce, I thought you had 2 sandwiches. Did I misunderstand?"

He goes, "Billi, all you had to do was ask! You let yourself get mad and suffer for nothing! Why did you do that to yourself and to me?"

I go, "Bruce, I do doubt myself a lot, esp. how I interpret things. And I was afraid to interupt you thru the movie. But I honestly wondered if I had misunderstood and I was angry at myself for not bringing my own sandwich and yes, mad at you for starting to eat without me if you did have a sandwich. I wish you had tapped me on the shoulder and invited me to eat, too."

He goes, "I didn't know you were hungry."

I go, "I told you I would be and I thought you would give me mine."

And on and on.

I guess the moral of this is not to read his mind or expect him to read mine.

I wish I had tapped HIM on the shoulder. But I was afraid of my own anger and his.

D**n bpd.

Sometimes I am not sure that nons have problems with me because of even harder communication problems! lol

Billi

Mood swings are inconvenient. I do that crap all the time. Congrats for keeping it together, even if you totally faked calm. Doesn't that still count as a little victory?

Good job at using your skills and not flipping the lid and start screaming...would of made for an awkward rest of the movie.

It does count as a victory! Good for you billi!

I do stuff like this all the time too though. Except I would be like sobbing there instead of faking calm. I wouldn't ask for my sandwich, just get very sad. That happens way too often.

I have been in similar situations and I wish I could have handled them as well as you have here. Congrats and much love and respect from me!

You did very well, Billi!! I'd probably be like (considering this a relatively restrained response), "Were you going to offer me MY sandwich at some point? Or did you lie when you said you'd made me one, too? *glare*" XD

Good for you, Billi! I probably would have gotten angry as well. I can just imagine all of the curse words flying through my head...mainly one that starts with f. But instead of saying anything, I probably would have just sat there , and wallowed in my own self indulgence. -sigh-

Me neither.

I wasn't sure how to deal with it at first. I was just going to suck it up.

But I was hungry.

And I was indignant.

And I knew I had a responsibility to myself and for my issues.

I had a vision of me acting "bpd" and sucking it up and sulking and suffering and my poor friend wondering why I was feeling ill and depressed and angry.

I could no longer put myself or him thru that kind of thing.

Billi

thanks! Laughin' with ya!

Oh, man.

I was cussin' in my head.

The dbt enabled me to just let it go thru and out of me.

and not all over the place.

and not holding it in either.

I was P***ed!

Believe me.

Billi