I was just abandoned. I know it was probably my fault but I don't know what I did this time. My problem is is obsess, for months, sometimes years about the person. It brings out all the other BPD traits. I need some solid coping skills or thoughts, or just a word of encouragement would be fine. This is the fourth time I have gone through this. My best friend abandoned me 15 years ago, and I still make an attempt to make amends on a regular basis. My BPD is more or less under control until I reach out to someone and get too close. Then all hell breaks lose. The person who abandoned me has already called the cops on me and said he was going to get a restraining order against me, and I'm scared I'm going to do something stupid. Please, anything. I have started DPT training but I'm still in the beginning stages, and I can't see a therapist right now because we are in the process of moving.

[fletch33]

Carmasia,

It is never easy to be abandoned, especially when you have a disorder whose one criteria has to do with abandonment. I have had friends and boyfriends leave me before because of my disorder. They even explicitly told me so. It really is no fun to have this disorder and to be in constant fear of being abandoned, and then to have these fears trigger the other negative parts of the disorder that tend to push people away. I know how it feels though, you aren't alone.

I think the best way to deal with the abandonment is to realize that it is a natural part of being human and that you cannot blame yourself just because you were abandoned by someone. The more you worry about it in the first place, the less you will be able to enjoy the person and the more the rest of your symptoms will be triggered.

I hope that helps a little. I am sorry to hear about your loss. It is never easy.

[ChristySpirals]

Maybe try post-its. If you see it written down "Do not try to contact so and so..." it will make you think there is a reason I wrote that down so I will trust that part of my thoughts now.