handling difficult emotions , mood affected by others .

I ended up in hospital a couple of months ago .. I have a special needs child with challenging behavouirs . The lack of support I had around me , and difficult x husband and his intervereing parents got me to breaking point point a admission to the local hospital in my country town which only has a general hospital .. It was decided with my case manager a physic nurse that my x give me some respite .. I have since gotten alot more well .. My son is coming back to my care again and the plan is to do this slowly to avoid any relapse .. However my x husband is pressureing me to scrape that and have my son full on again .. I had him over night and he s very hyper at night and takes forever to get to bed . He also has out of control tantrums , and demands all the time wanting everything hes own way .. I give him time out when he does this , however the screaming tantrums go on and on . I need a break again , for a couple of days and said this to my x who just keeps putting on me , "you think you would want your son more .. ect and putting it like I dont love my son ... I keep getting down about this , also Im putting up with my once mother in law listeing to all my phone calls I have with my x . My x lives with his parents in a family bussiness . Im told all the time to take no notice , however these people keep affecting my mood all the time.. They know I have been in hospital , however they still put preasure and put their views on their son who has a go at me .. I dont know how not to let thse people upset me , I am sensitive person and this family are totaly insensitive .. I have at times been so angry that I feel like breaking my coffee cups against the wall or plates whatever ,, I feel the awful intense anger goes away .. However this is not something I want to keep doing , want to know other ways to express angry feelings .. I use to have really bad anger issues when I was a teenager , and frequently smashed plates , cups ect .. I have not had these feelings in twenty years and now Im getting them back all though no where as near as servere as when I was younger .. I have kept this away from my son , and have only done this when hes not with me but his father .

I think you're being forced to take on too much at once. How old is your son? I understand he has behavioral issues, but if what you're attempting to do discipline-wise isn't being reinforced by your X and his family, you're wasting your time since he knows he'll get away with it there and that you have a breaking point. No easy answer if they're not willing to help. Could you perhaps sit down with your X and come up with a set of rules and consequences with your son that you'd both be willing to follow? As for the taking forever to sleep, make a rule of no tv or video games after 6 at night. What uses to happen with my son is he's still playing the game in his head way after it's shut off for the night. One OTC thing you can try to help him sleep is Valerian. It works as good as a lot of the prescriptions in my opinion. You can buy it in liquid form or as an ingredient in a tea. My son has Aspeeger's syndrome and I'm I'm saying what I am from my experience with him. Best of luck!

hi my son has autism , and hes five and 1/2 years old year's old. My x husband and his family are very difficult to bring around to doing what I have planned for my son. They dont believe in my ideas of discipline. My x has older parents who believe in physical punishment such as smacking .. This doesnt not work with my son for it makes him even more aggressive . I am looking at medication for him to sleep , I have a appointment with the pediatriction coming up soon . I will discussed this option with him . thanks again for your advise ..

I don't know if I can help but feel free to pm or reply if I can help. It's been an uphill battle sometimes but my son is now 15 and has improved greatly since he was your son's age. At 5, my son was barely talking, not potty trained yet, and loved competitive motions with doors, etc. He opened and closed doors so much that he pulled two doors completely off their hinges. Now, he just started high school and is in advanced math and started high school with three high school credits. I would definitely recommend no tv/games 3-4 hours before bed, but other than that, who knows what will work. It's often a trial and error type of thing. Good luck.

Interesting...my step-son also has aspergers...he fights sleep. He is not allowed media or sugar at all on school days, but gets extremely hyperactive at night. He is kinetic and will jump on the bed and pound his pillow and dance in his room!

On the professional side I work with people with developmental disabilities (autism being one of them).

I know how hard it is. You've obviously experienced 'burn out' atb. Let me tell you from experience that a person simply can not take on solely the amount of responsibility and dedication a child with autism requires. You need help and support or you will burn out repeatedly! I've seen families go through this in my work. Your ex is obviously not someone to reason with. A person needs respite or they will continue to be overwhelmed! Is it possible to have a team meeting with ex included to discuss the fact that you need respite? This could very much be a solution.

What your ex is telling you about 'not loving your son' is obviously a ploy to make you feel guilty. And you know what? He is putting your son at the fulcrum of his emotional manipulation! (um, correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that a form of emotional blackmail/abuse?) Also, 'smacking' the child is not okay but you already know this. Your ex should be forced to take a cheap 30 hour caregiver course to give him the insight and empathy required in working with a person with the kind of challenges your son faces!

I would suggest to call a team meeting, the case manager will do this, that is her job. Make sure your ex is there at the meeting and explain that you need respite. The case manager will concur. A person can not care for a child with your son's challenges simply alone!

As far as your emotions, you are reacting appropriately to the situation. (To be honest I would be mad too!) Try not to get mad at your kid. He can't help that he gets hyper at night or behaves a certain way. Removing blame removes emotions attached...also, don't beat up yourself if you feel overwhelmed, it's normal. As far as your anger toward your ex, I would suggest to talk with a counsellor about this, maybe an objective professional can help you deal with him and his family more effectively. Also remember, we can not change other people! (Only ourselves). Remember to keep yourself safe (and sane) and to take whatever steps you need to to secure that safety. Self-care is SO important.

Best wishes.

I'm currantly haveing couselling sessions with my socail worker . She has tried to help me with communication with my x husband . However I haven't had much success with it . My x is too influenced by his parents. Yes you are it is emotionail abuse what he is doing with me . Hes used emotionail abuse right through the marriage and that's why I have finaly left only wished I did it sooner . Now I have severe anxiety , and some symptoms for the borderline disorder I once had severely in my teens . Im getting organised a meeting with my son's case worker to help me sort these difficult behavouir problems .