[irishclover]

I cried a LOT today. I didn't attend my classes, not because I was depressed but because I was unable to hide it today at all. It was a struggle to get through an advisor meeting without letting the tears actually fall, and as soon as I left I was crying. I figured I was definitely better off at home alone, than disturbing class. I couldn't focus anyway to attend. I struggle with crying in public. I struggle with my own crying period. When I see someone cry, I cry. The cause doesn't matter. I'm not sure if that's due to all of the possible disorders/depression ect I may have, or if I'm just generally an emotional person.

I actually reached out to my friend today. I really needed a hug. I didn't want to go home and be alone to deal with my emotions. Getting lost on the way to see him helped distract me too I didn't feel better for crying, I felt better for allowing myself to feel in front of another person and not hold it all back. (I did some) Baby steps.

I'm going to set up an appointment with a councelor at school. I REALLY don't want to break down there. When I do cry, usually people can't understand me because I'm sobbing, and sucking in air, and sniffling...ugh it's horrible. I struggle with seeing it as a weakness, not of other people though, just myself.

And yep my thoughts are all over the place, but I'm feeling a heck of a lot better tonight than I was this morning. I hope each day will get easier and easier. I'm a realist so I know healing will not happen over night and I will have good and bad days, as long as I can still see that sliver of hope...I'm good.

Much love to everyone struggling in their lives. I hope to learn something from everyone, and teach a few tricks as well. Goodnight all

Night Irish....hope you feel better. See you around soon.