[LizzieVale]

Just wondering what every else's thoughts are on this matter. I've told my therapist that i've joined a group specifically for sufferers of BPD and asked him if my being a member of such a group would be beneficial to me or would it have the reverse effect and make me feel more depressed and cause me dwell on my disorder.
His thoughts were that the being in the group would cause me to dwell and obsess about my condition, hence he didnt think it was such a great idea.. Don't know how I feel about what he's told me. In my opinion it's great that i can come in here and speak freely and without judgement from anyone about the way I am and that i can sypathise with others with similar condition such as mine. However at the same time I know that I had an inate tendency to obsess about things too. Perhaps my therapist thinks that by belonging to a BPD group i will begin to view myself as being DP and accordingly "act" that way? I've signed up for the dbt course on yahoo and have been receiving lessons as of last week however havent been able to start them as I've spent the last week in hospital. Im at home now and recovering and taking things easy for a while.
Does anyone here feel the way that i do at all, or am i the only kook who feels this way ???

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me PC and this forum have been a Godsend. When I first started here two months today I was in a near-crisis situation. I was drinking too much, was having constant crying fits and panic attacks, was self-harming on a daily basis, suicidal, and was bottling everything in which was causing much of it. I had no one I could talk to who would understand. I'd tried to talk to my husband but he completely poo-pooed the thought of my having a mental disorder and he's never openly talked to me about it. Now, I can't broach the subject at all for fear of being invalidated yet again. I know I've taken it too far; that I spend too much time on PC. it has become an obsession of sorts, but it has helped me cope in many, many ways and I feel I'd still be in horrible straits without it. Things aren't perfect; I've had a sleepless night crying and thinking too much, but at least I can share here. I no longer feel bottled up inside. I feel I have people who I can share with and who care, and, for me, that has made a tremendous difference for the better.

[TheWell]

I do think being on here has caused me to feel much more obsessive about my therapy. It's the negative side to having something that is ALWAYS available.

Originally Posted by LizzieVale

His thoughts were that the being in the group would cause me to dwell and obsess about my condition, hence he didnt think it was such a great idea..

I've often wondered this. Obsessions can be unhealthy especially when it comes to focusing on a disorder. I think a good solution to this, so as not to jump into a big pity pool or a self-hating party, is to stay focused on solution rather than the problem. I don't adhere to this that much, but it's good to keep solution in the forefront of my mind so I don't stumble over the hurdles of this disorder.

I think unhealthy obsession can result from being deeply involved in many conversations revolving around the negativity of this disorder. I know that many people with BPD have, despite conventional thinking, a significant amount of empathy. If BPD person A is upset about a situation and comes here to talk about it and vent, BPD person B could fall into the same black hole person A is feeling trapped in. This could be because person B has a lot of empathy or because person B has been in a similar situation and it is 'triggering' for them.

I think if this group involves a lot of focusing on solutions (talk about DBT, therapies, success stories, hope for the future) and social aspects (getting to know eachother) it can be a very positive experience.

I know I've wondered about an unhealthy obsession with my disorder and a strong focus on PC; seeing as how I have an addictive personality, it could be an obsession with a variety of things for me. For instance, if I talk a lot on a guitar forum, I will probably get obsessed with it and go there often.

^I'll use the guitar example for a minute. If I am solely posting at the guitar forum about how horrible my playing is, I don't like when I play this way, I'm severely frustrated, I can't get it, I want to throw the damn thing out the window and others only talk about the negative aspects about their playing, I will probably dwell in that negative space. However, if I post about how specific skills are difficult and if others have had that experience, I will likely get feedback on how to improve my playing. I will also want inspiration, encouragement and to hear other people's success stories on how they applied a certain skill. I can then try that out...I will want to spread the focus to different techniques and theories...I will want to sit in the solution and then I can help other new guitar players in turn when they come in feeling frustrated and confused about their playing.
For example, say if I feel I am playing too slow and I want to improve my speed:

This would be negative:
Person A: My speed sucks I'm slow I hate it, help.
Person B: Yeah I suck too. You'll never improve you should just give up.
Person C: Ugh, me too..wow I hate guitar I'm throwing it out the window
Person D: Yeh sucks to be you, I can't play at all, oh well who cares.

(I would obsess and dwell in the problem and despair)

This would be positive:
Person A: My speed sucks I'm slow i hate it, help.
Person B: I understand, I had a hard time with my speed too. I tried this scale 4 times a day at different speeds to improve. You can do it!
Person C: I used a metronome and increased the timing at intervals which eventually helped me speed up my playing, I get this it's hard at first but it gets easier.
Person D: I have a hard time with my speed too, thanks for the tips, I'll try that out.

(I would have support and validation...as well as solutions and others who have had the same experiences)

Okay lol, so not the greatest example but you get my point. I think it can turn either way. I personally have found this forum to be extremely helpful and have learned A LOT of techniques and solutions already...I've made connections with people who have similar experiences, I am doing DBT on my own and with the Yahoo class, I am being social and proactive and possibly contributing my bit of new knowledge to help others. This to me is positive. It can turn negative, too...
We can either bring eachother down or up, so I think it depends on an individual and how they view it to be honest.

A lot of people, including therapists, have the view and generalization that all BPD people dwell in their crap. If we're wary that this is sometimes the case, but if we are optimistic and willing to learn from almost every type of conversation and situation I think we'll be fine. Again, I feel it depends on the individual and their view: what they really end up taking away from it all.

[LizzieVale]

Perfectly said Strato xxxxx

I think it will very much depend on the person - surely your T doesn't expect you to just have him as a support provider? Sometimes its helpful to be around those who are in the same boat, its useful on a practical level in terms of advice and sometimes you just need to hear someone say; 'that happened to me too!' to not feel so alone. To be honest i think if you were going to obsess about your disorder, being on a forum or not probably wouldn't make much difference but these are just my thoughts. Besides you might originally come here to discuss and learn more about your disorder but eventually you might make a load of new friends and enjoy helping and supporting others. You may argue that that defeats the object of coming here but its given me enough of a good reason to stick around All the best.

[LizzieVale]

Originally Posted by bb2023

I think it will very much depend on the person - surely your T doesn't expect you to just have him as a support provider? Sometimes its helpful to be around those who are in the same boat, its useful on a practical level in terms of advice and sometimes you just need to hear someone say; 'that happened to me too!' to not feel so alone. To be honest i think if you were going to obsess about your disorder, being on a forum or not probably wouldn't make much difference but these are just my thoughts. Besides you might originally come here to discuss and learn more about your disorder but eventually you might make a load of new friends and enjoy helping and supporting others. You may argue that that defeats the object of coming here but its given me enough of a good reason to stick around All the best.

I agree with you entirely bb