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  #1  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 03:06 PM
Anonymous32935
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I am having some issues today and need advice on how to stop or snap out of it. I am purposely doing things that I KNOW are likely to set me off or trigger me.

I am purposedly texting or emailing people that, if I receive a reply back, will likely send me in to a tailspin. I texted someone with a wrong number and received a reply back. That reply in itself sent my mind reeling and my hands started shaking and I know my blood pressure instantly went up...but I WANT to hear from people at the same time!! I need to stop!!
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Anonymous34566, Onward2wards
Thanks for this!
BrokenNBeautiful

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  #2  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 03:45 PM
Anonymous37866
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Try doing something-anything else. If the computer is triggering you in general and pushing you to text/email these people, go do something else! Put your phone somewhere that you won't be inclined to check it often ie. in a bag somewhere, in a coat pocket etc. Figure out what will help you distract and do it:

-Clean your cabinets from top to bottom and reorganize them
-Start a new home improvement task like painting a room or sanding a floor
-Do something with your family like go for a long walk together or go out for pizza
-Start reading an epic novel trilogy and get really involved in it -- go to your local library sign up and check out what they have.
-Work on your drawings: bring all your supplies out to the table, put music on and draw away, draw anything and everything you see
-Have a movie marathon with yourself or your family
(just a few examples)

If you feel you can't help yourself:
-Write letters to said people: DONT send them, but put them in envelopes (this physical act can help with closure) and burn them or rip them up and throw them away.

Do something that will engage you and distract your thoughts, you may feel differently tomorrow. Best wishes
Thanks for this!
BrokenNBeautiful, LostMom3, Onward2wards
  #3  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 04:22 PM
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BrokenNBeautiful BrokenNBeautiful is offline
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Location: I live with myself. Because that is all I can depend on. Everthing around me changes.
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Distraction is good.

thank both for you for reminding me to focus on something for my Self Help thing. "Distress Tolerance": (from DBT) "Distracts".

Carol
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!
Thanks for this!
i'm trying
  #4  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 05:34 PM
Anonymous32935
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Thanks guys....the sad thing is...I know all of this. It's almost as though I just don't want to help myself at the moment.
Hugs from:
Anonymous37866
  #5  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 05:47 PM
Anonymous37866
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I know that feeling mara, too well in fact. I do the same thing, I KNOW what I should do, but I just...cant or wont.

I read somewhere, don't ask me where, that our negative feelings are the only things we validate for ourselves. It would make sense that we would want to sit in them. (It's the only way we've learned to self-validate!!)

I suggest to force yourself to distract, even if you don't want to...the worst that will happen is that you may find relief and you may have a little fun. Spoil yourself because you're valid, your good and happy feelings are valid, too...Take a soothing hot bath and make yourself a rich cup of cocoa afterward --snuggle into bed with a good book. Or, order a pizza and chill out on a movie, make it a funny one. Just make yourself do it.

Your feeling good is valid too!
Thanks for this!
i'm trying
  #6  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 06:18 PM
Anonymous34566
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I do this too... "If I read this book/watch this show it's going to trigger memories I'm already having trouble with." I read/watch anyway.
  #7  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 07:13 PM
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BrokenNBeautiful BrokenNBeautiful is offline
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Location: I live with myself. Because that is all I can depend on. Everthing around me changes.
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Often we don't feel like we deserve it or we just don't feel like it.

I learned this too in DBT.

I know it's hard.

Carol
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!
Thanks for this!
i'm trying
  #8  
Old Oct 12, 2012, 11:04 PM
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i'm trying i'm trying is offline
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Hi Mara , it sounds like you HAVE to make yourself do something distracting before you go into self-destruct mode ( hence the name of your thread!

you know that's where you'll end up if you don't do something about it soon. You really don't want to go there do you? Even if your mind is saying yes i do , deep down you want to pull yourself out of it before it gets out of hand!

Please don't think i'm being too harsh , we all care about you very much and don't want to see you slide in too deep.

I think i have shocked you enough to make you think about it hey!

Maybe you could do something self soothing, like go make some hot chocolate and savior it, or have a hot bath maybe with some favorite music in the background! sounds nice doesn't it, give it a try
Thanks for this!
BrokenNBeautiful
  #9  
Old Oct 14, 2012, 03:45 PM
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powertools321 powertools321 is offline
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Location: Northern New Hampshire
Posts: 169
I do the same thing, it's almost like you want to crash and burn. I would have to agree that it is probably that we feel like we don't deserve to feel good. I must say from a selfish standpoint it is nice to know that I'm not alone in this.
  #10  
Old Oct 15, 2012, 12:37 AM
Anonymous32935
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Quote:
Originally Posted by powertools321 View Post
I must say from a selfish standpoint it is nice to know that I'm not alone in this.
I don't think you're selfish for saying that. We ALL found PC in an effort to find someone we could share with so we wouldn't feel so alone. As long as these posts stay focused on the positive, we are only helping each other. A large part of a BPDs anxiety and depression is caused by feeling alone, that we aren't understood and that we don't have anyone to talk to. I know we still feel alone within our minds and our own situations, but PC allows us to feel a lot less alone than we would otherwise, and I, for one, am grateful.
Thanks for this!
BrokenNBeautiful, i'm trying, powertools321
  #11  
Old Oct 15, 2012, 07:06 PM
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BrokenNBeautiful BrokenNBeautiful is offline
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Location: I live with myself. Because that is all I can depend on. Everthing around me changes.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maranara View Post
A large part of a BPDs anxiety and depression is caused by feeling alone, that we aren't understood and that we don't have anyone to talk to. I know we still feel alone within our minds and our own situations, but PC allows us to feel a lot less alone than we would
Also, having felt like I "bring others down" and "only talk about problems" I feel, too, like a burden or a "selfish person".

The unique thing about these groups is this identification with each other.

I believe that no matter how we differ in issues, *the human condition" is what we all have in common and in these groups, there it is! And it does not bring me down. If anything has brought me down, it was feeling like I could not talk about things. Or identify with things.

thanks,

Carol
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!
Hugs from:
i'm trying
Thanks for this!
i'm trying
  #12  
Old Oct 15, 2012, 07:12 PM
Anonymous32850
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maranara View Post
Thanks guys....the sad thing is...I know all of this. It's almost as though I just don't want to help myself at the moment. :(
Maranara, Yes! This is what I do! All. of. the. time!

Why?

-Fleeing Bellocq
Thanks for this!
i'm trying
  #13  
Old Oct 15, 2012, 07:14 PM
Anonymous32850
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stratocaster View Post
Try doing something-anything else. If the computer is triggering you in general and pushing you to text/email these people, go do something else! Put your phone somewhere that you won't be inclined to check it often ie. in a bag somewhere, in a coat pocket etc. Figure out what will help you distract and do it:

-Clean your cabinets from top to bottom and reorganize them
-Start a new home improvement task like painting a room or sanding a floor
-Do something with your family like go for a long walk together or go out for pizza
-Start reading an epic novel trilogy and get really involved in it -- go to your local library sign up and check out what they have.
-Work on your drawings: bring all your supplies out to the table, put music on and draw away, draw anything and everything you see
-Have a movie marathon with yourself or your family
(just a few examples)

If you feel you can't help yourself:
-Write letters to said people: DONT send them, but put them in envelopes (this physical act can help with closure) and burn them or rip them up and throw them away.

Do something that will engage you and distract your thoughts, you may feel differently tomorrow. Best wishes
Strat-Cast,

These are great ideas. Thanks.

Sincerely,

-FleeeingBellocq
  #14  
Old Oct 15, 2012, 10:10 PM
Anonymous32935
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleeingbellocq View Post
Maranara, Yes! This is what I do! All. of. the. time!

Why?

-Fleeing Bellocq
Fleeing,
Most of us feel this way because of the way we were raised. We were taught that showing emotion was wrong, our feelings didn't matter, told to keep our feelings to ourselves. In my case, I was directly told to keep my personal problems to myself. Our feelings and emotions were invalidated time and again, so now, as adults, we STILL think emotions are wrong and that we need to be punished for feeling them.
Thanks for this!
i'm trying
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