Since BPD traits seem to be triggered a lot of times because of relationship matters and I've been on my own for several months now, I have noticed quite a bit of change in me. I know the BPD still exists and I know that I'm not cured of the disorder but being out on my own has helped a lot. After the initial feelings of loneliness, abandonment and all the things that go along with it right after the break up of a relationship, I've felt better lately. Granted I've had a lot of other stressors related to the financial situation that I've been left in because of the separation/pending divorce, but those are different and reasonably manageable. Also things have begun even in that arena, to get better and I think it's picked me up a bit.

Well I was wondering, I've taken the Sanity Score test a few times and it always was on average, about 120. Today I retested myself and amazingly for the first time, it has been below 100! In fact it was 79. I guess I should leave psych central now. Just kidding about that last part lol. But it's confirmed for me that being in a relationship is truly tough for me and causes a lot of pain, at least, so far, all of them have. Even the related description to BPD was changed and the test results really didn't emphasize it this time around.

This is good to know for me. Going forward, I do want to be in a relationship again and knowing how much it could affect my emotional irregularity, I know I must work on this and learn to cope better before I am attached again.

Anyway I'm just sharing

My BPD is also EXTREMELY swayed by relationships, ANY kind of relationship. I had major BPD episodes with my husband for a LONG time while we met, were dating, and got married....over ten years!! Then, I was relatively fine for close to 20 years. Still had mercurial emotions and occasional explosive behavior, but he's used to that. I had no friends, felt kind of alone, but was okay. I could cope most of the time. Then, I decided to befriend someone. In EXTREMELY short order, less than a week, it all came back, and of course, it didn't last. Now, I'm slowly returning back to my "normal". I have a long way to go, but I'm hopeful that I'll eventually make it.