[kita26]

To be seen. heard. felt. I want to be seen as not the mask i wear but whats behind it. I want to show the world my fear, pain, sadness, weakness...myself. true self. will i be heard? will i be seen. will i be forgiven. accepted. CURED! Lost. stuck. always &#@%* stuck! My mind is tearing itself apart! Something is scratching from the inside and tearing its way out. It hurts. i look in the mirror, i do not cry. but i frown and tell my other self to leave my mind. just go!!! unfortunately if i want one side of me to go, i have to let both of us go. love and hate. sane and insane. Weak and strong. I have little strength left. I cant breathe. I'm sore, im tired. Lost. so lost.

I have an enemy. That enemy remains within. this enemy is hated! Let the games begin. here we go again, this old enemy and i. I wish it would just leave! or its time to say goodbye...

[MDDBPDPTSD]

We are all here because we have an enemy. We oftentimes get tired of fighting. But continuing the good fight is much better than the alternative. I spend some of my time (foolishly) being angry that I have to fight this war, battle after exhausting battle. Make no mistake, this battle is for your life your freedom and your health. I know sometimes it may seem like even those things are not valuable enough to continue. When that is the case for me, I usually notice that I am overtired. If I can manage to get some rest, I do see things differently. That old cliche, "sleep on it and you'll feel better in the morning." usually does improve the situation, at least a little.

I wish I could help you to feel better. I can only offer what I have and what i have is not an instant cure for this damn disease. That is what we need, but we will never find it. It is our cross to bear and we have to bear our own cross alone, but we do have the luxury of walking with other cross bearer, so that we may compare experiences and maybe lean how to bear our own cross in a better, easier way.

HUGS

Hang in there. I can't say much, but we all feel your pain, all share your enemy, all fighting a common foe. Ride out the pain. It goes away; it always does, and we'll support you, as comrades fighting on the same side, as best as we can.

You are not alone when you feel totally alone. We're like clones my friend. yours truly, Lightbulb7

Originally Posted by lightbulb7

You are not alone when you feel totally alone. We're like clones my friend. yours truly, Lightbulb7

I'm glad you're feeling a little better.

[kita26]

Originally Posted by MDDBPDPTSD

We are all here because we have an enemy. We oftentimes get tired of fighting. But continuing the good fight is much better than the alternative. I spend some of my time (foolishly) being angry that I have to fight this war, battle after exhausting battle. Make no mistake, this battle is for your life your freedom and your health. I know sometimes it may seem like even those things are not valuable enough to continue. When that is the case for me, I usually notice that I am overtired. If I can manage to get some rest, I do see things differently. That old cliche, "sleep on it and you'll feel better in the morning." usually does improve the situation, at least a little.

I wish I could help you to feel better. I can only offer what I have and what i have is not an instant cure for this damn disease. That is what we need, but we will never find it. It is our cross to bear and we have to bear our own cross alone, but we do have the luxury of walking with other cross bearer, so that we may compare experiences and maybe lean how to bear our own cross in a better, easier way.

HUGS

Im not alone. but im so impulsive that when it comes in waves like this, i almost need someone to pin me to the ground. I have no limits or boundries and when i lash out because of how im feeling, i am not in control at all. Ill either drink and do or say something stupid and make a fool out of myself. or cut myself. Ill try end it all or ill do something wreakless. How do i maintain control????