[fletch33]

So I have had a crazy week with my fiance. He called me the other night from work and told me that he wanted to cut himself with a box cutter. He was extremely upset and was crying a lot. I did not know how to deal with it well, so I picked him up and then told him to call the local crisis number, which helped. Ever since then, he's been on edge more than usual and extremely stubborn and irritable. I am honestly terrified that he will actually hurt himself. Then what will I do? I can barely deal with my own stress right now, much less his on top of mine.

I got out of intensive treatment for my BPD back in July. I still feel freshly post-crisis a lot of the time and can barely deal with my own stuff. I am going to therapy weekly. I was in a DBT group and it helped. They are starting up a second one in January, which I hope to be a part of. However, now my fiance has been referred to a DBT group himself.

My question is: could we both have BPD? If so, how in the WORLD is this relationship going to work? How am I going to deal if he goes into the hospital or something? How can I help him?

I really honestly feel like I cannot help him in the state I am in, and I also feel like two people with BPD cannot possibly have a good relationship. While he has no current BPD diagnosis, who knows what the future holds.

I know that therapists use DBT for things other than BPD, but BPD is the main reason one goes into DBT treatment.

Ugh... I just want my life to stop sucking. I want to be able to pay my bills and I want both my fiance and I to be in good mental health for once. Is that honestly so much to ask???

[shezbut]

Fletch,

Try to take it day by day. There's no point in worrying about the "what if's", right?? Remember to stay in the present moment from DBT. DBT has been found to be helpful for a multitude of mental illnesses ~ such as anxiety, depression, and BPD.

Try to stay in the present moment, rather than worrying about the future and going over the past again. In your weak moments, use the distress tolerance techniques, to put yourself into a better state of mind.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com

Gentle hugs to you and your bf ~ I hope that some of your anxiety gets relieved very soon!

[Girl_Interrupted]

Yep, that's what they teach you in DBT. To be in the here and now. Don't worry about the future; take it 1 day at a time.

A foot in yesterday and a foot in tomorrow means you will p*ss on today.

[amy90]

Hi Fletch

*many hugs*
It sounds really tough, the situation you're in, and I can understand your panic and frustration. I think you're quite grounded in reality, the situation is difficult, you acknowledge this, and you also know that it will be a huge thing to overcome if BOTH of you have problems.
However, there are couples who have managed to overcome it. I'm not sure how, myself. I can't answer your questions but Im sure there are places where people have experience with stuff like this. For me personally, I know that Im too selfish and self absorbed to be able to deal with someone else's problems in a relationship, so kudos to you for helping your fiance. Hopefully you will get the answers you need.