[damaged006]

Today I decided that I wanted my hair cutting. I have it short normally, bleached blonde and sometimes when I'm feeling good I get some coloured gel and mess around with different colours. I'm a bit wild when it comes to my hair at times. But today I thought you know what I don't care what people think, I'm going for it. So got my daughter over and asked her to do me a mohican, shaved at the sides, bleached blonde spike then blue coloured gel through the spike. I love it, looks awesome, it's me. I just want to say to the world that I don't care what they think I should be or how I should look or behave, I'm just gonna be me. No one is gonna change me no matter what. I want people to look at me and think "she's different" because I am different. Inside and outside. Don't wanna hide what I am anymore.
Like I say I'm not sure if this is rebellion, to me it feels like a new start. Throw the old person away and completely start again, although I know that's not quite the way it goes.
Still, I love it and I'm not changing it for the world!

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by damaged006

I love it, looks awesome, it's me. I just want to say to the world that I don't care what they think I should be or how I should look or behave, I'm just gonna be me. No one is gonna change me no matter what. I want people to look at me and think "she's different" because I am different. Inside and outside. Don't wanna hide what I am anymore.

Maybe you're just crazy!! kidding!! I think the above which is underlined is your "core" answer, and probably the real reason. You're accepting yourself the way you are, and that is what matters most to you. That, in my opinion, is NOT rebellion, but more self acceptance. Which, I also think is a good thing.

The part that is in bold text insinuates the possibility of rebellion. I think what determines if it's rebellion is if you made the changes for the sole purpose of going against the grain. I suspect that isn't the case. It's more "this is me, it's different, I'm content with it doesn't matter what others think" if that is the case I don't think it's rebellion, but just you and you're content to be different. Which is NOT a bad thing.

(I'm kind of going off topic here)

What you're doing won't solve your main issues in regards to identity, but it should make you more comfortable/confident with your decisions/actions IF you can stand strong in what you wrote. I think many of us because we struggle with identity we're easily influenced by what others say, and that can be very confusing for us (at least for me). I'll give an example... 1 person says they love your hair, and then another person says they hate your hair, it doesn't conform to society and you should change it and if you changed it you would be more accepted. We then rely on their opinion rather than ourselves and we then begin to question our actions and maybe were wrong. If you can standby what you wrote, and IF you're doing it for the right reason (for yourself and NOT rebellion) you'll be able to realize people are entitled to their opinions, and that's what it is.... an opinion and not fact, because some people will love your hair. By the way that mindset is VERY dbt-ish. That mindset applies to many things and not just hair.

Originally Posted by cboxpalace

I think many of us because we struggle with identity we're easily influenced by what others say, and that can be very confusing for us (at least for me).

Yep....lots more problems with that than usual lately. Can't seem to stand on my own, believe in myself, give my opinions any self-worth. Part of life. At least I know it's happening and that's a start in the right direction. Doesn't fix it, but you can't do a darn thing if you don't even realize the problem exists.

Nice to see you back around C-Box. It's been a while.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by damaged006

Today I decided that I wanted my hair cutting. I have it short normally, bleached blonde and sometimes when I'm feeling good I get some coloured gel and mess around with different colours. I'm a bit wild when it comes to my hair at times. But today I thought you know what I don't care what people think, I'm going for it. So got my daughter over and asked her to do me a mohican, shaved at the sides, bleached blonde spike then blue coloured gel through the spike. I love it, looks awesome, it's me. I just want to say to the world that I don't care what they think I should be or how I should look or behave, I'm just gonna be me. No one is gonna change me no matter what. I want people to look at me and think "she's different" because I am different. Inside and outside. Don't wanna hide what I am anymore.
Like I say I'm not sure if this is rebellion, to me it feels like a new start. Throw the old person away and completely start again, although I know that's not quite the way it goes.
Still, I love it and I'm not changing it for the world!

I feel like a brunette trapped inside a blonde.

I dye my hair.

Some ppl think that I dont' accept my blonde hair, but I don't like it on me. I feel better dark.

More power to you.

Carol

[ECHOES]

I think we often make more of things than what there is.
Hair is just hair and we all like to wear our hair the way we like.

But if I were to analyze, I would say you want to be seen, you want to be accepted, you want to be who you are, and you are willing to make a bold statement to the world to show that. Daring the world to look. It reminds me of the old days when teens would carry huge boom boxes around, being very obvious and loud, yet if someone looked at them with curiosity they would glare as if "what are YOU looking at!?". I think what they really wanted was to connect, to engage, to have close relationships but did not know how to make that happen. Maybe a weird analogy, but that's what came to mind.

[OutofTune]

It's good to be different. Life wouldn't be interesting if eveyone was the same. I've had my hair a dozen different colors. I like blue the best but I'm not as bold as I was when I was a teen. I stick to piercings now to get that confidence that comes with sticking out in a crowd. I see my body as a work of art. I can't change the disorders of my brain but I can alter myself in other ways. It's a matter of taking ownership of my body. It's not just a BPD thing - it's a human thing.

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I think we often make more of things than what there is.
Hair is just hair and we all like to wear our hair the way we like.

I disagree with this, although in theory what you write should be true. If you comb your hair to the left, and I comb mine to the right, it's not a big deal and no one will give us a second thought and more likely no thought at all. When you decide to get a bleached with blue highlight Mohawk that will bring judgement from others. To them it's no longer about hair it's more about what's her deal, and judgments will be made about her because of that. We all do this..

I do believe if she's doing it for the right reasons, it's her, she wants to be who she is, and if people accept that's great, and if not that's fine too, that would be a healthy mindset. If it's just to rebel and be noticed then it becomes rather pointless.

When I go to church in the summertime I wear shorts and a t shirt while 99% of everyone else wears suits and ties. I know judgments are being made about me and my appearance, but I could careless. I don't dress that way to rebel or draw attention to myself. I do it because that is me, and that is how I'm comfortable, and wearing shorts / tshirt doesn't make me any more or less a Christian than someone who wears a suit and tie. Regardless, I'm judged on appearance rather than the person I am.

[ECHOES]

Thanks
From the OP statements, it sounded as if she very much cared what people think.
It sounded like that concern/worry/thought is what prompted the "I don't care" thoughts.

[amy90]

Is it you though? Or is it just a way of trying to define who you think you are, or even, trying to define what OTHERS think of you? As in, 'oh they think I'm crazy, so let's show them how crazy I can be' .
Personally, I don't really care what others do to themselves, and like someone says, maybe there's far too much thought put in an action. Obviously you DO care about what others may think because your post is all about that, even if you phrase it as 'I don't care'.
Part of being bpd is about a lack of sense of self, we have blurry boundaries of who we are, and many people with bpd try to define themselves with outlandish behaviour or attire to overcompensate for their what they feel as a lack of identity. It's perfectly understandable.