[msjanalyn]

*******************I'm feeling better, thank you. *********************

[unaluna]

It's called "crazy-making". And projection. They are putting their rotten feelings on us. We don't have to accept them. Yeah life kinda sucks but that's why we try to stick together here. Don't let those aholes win.

[msjanalyn]

Originally Posted by hankster

It's called "crazy-making". And projection. They are putting their rotten feelings on us. We don't have to accept them. Yeah life kinda sucks but that's why we try to stick together here. Don't let those aholes win.

I like that "crazy-making" - thanks for your help.

[ECHOES]

If you find you are not feeling better while doing the organizing and laundry, please go to the ER to be safe.

Suicidal thoughts can be ways of us saying that we are in *this much* pain and that we are *this* overwhelmed. You want relief, of course!

Your husband and your son are not dealing with their own stuff, their own feelings of being not happy, hurt, frustrated, worried. They are manipulating you emotionally by throwing it on you and expecting you to feel guilty. That relieves them of their difficult feelings. Very unfair!

I don't like the sound of your husband yelling at you 2" from your face - at all. It sounds very frightening and threatening. He is out of control and that behavior is abusive. You are calling it 'mean' and I think may be diminishing it to make it less frightening. If you think of seeing 2 people out in public and one of them yelling at the other in the way you describe, would you think the person being yelled at is frightened, or safe? Your husband is manipulating by being frightening.

If you have an individual or family therapist that you can call, that might be a good idea.
If you don't have one, I would highly recommend finding one very soon so you can feel much better.

[msjanalyn]

You are so right. The yelling is awful! I told my therapist about it and we've discussed it. The time that he started yelling in my face like that was the time I quit yelling at him. It is really scary when he does it. He's 6'3", 250 lbs. Pretty big.

I've gotten used to it - when he starts I just close my eyes and wait until he's done yelling. But, it all boils down to the fact that I made him the way he is and it's my fault that we are going through what we are going through.

If I don't find relief soon I will go to ER - Thank you for your help.

[ECHOES]

My dear, he is an adult and chooses his own actions. You didn't make him this way, or any other way. We are all separate. (Separateness is a good thing to explore in therapy.)

Getting used to it doesn't make it okay. It isn't okay. I suspect you aren't really 'used to it' but have found a way to disengage from it because it is so painful to be treated badly and to feel afraid.

I hope you can get to the point where you are able to say to him, at the first yell, "I don't like it when you yell. I won't listen while you yell. If you want to talk, we can talk when you have calmed down and are in control again."

[BrokenNBeautiful]

You did not make him anything.

This is his problem and he is trying to make it yours.

You do not deserve this; to be frightened AND treated disrespectfully.

I hope you are safe.

(sorry I was not around earlier; busy with the meeting and offline life)

Carol