[Lonely46]

I, ever since I was a kid, change my personality depending on who I am talking to. I don't even know who the real me is anymore, I try to be all things to all people and fail miserably. This time of year is so bad because every Christmas song, every Christmas movie, they all make me sad because I am all alone this holiday, again. It becomes increasingly easy to just give up and end it all. I have tried it more than once and by some miracle I am alive. Having my stomach pumped and drinking charcoal are things I don't want to do again. At least I know exactly how and when I developed this behavioral problem. Working with it is very difficult because it becomes such a part of who we are. It's so ingrained into our very beings.

[Onecoldday]

I too have this problem and I sucks but the only thing people like us can do is focus on the present and try not to have our breaks. It is hard to live this way I know and it doesn't get any easier, but you will get stronger every year. just try to push thru the holidays and the memories of days long past. Hope the best for you.

[Lonely46]

Originally Posted by Onecoldday

I too have this problem and I sucks but the only thing people like us can do is focus on the present and try not to have our breaks. It is hard to live this way I know and it doesn't get any easier, but you will get stronger every year. just try to push thru the holidays and the memories of days long past. Hope the best for you.

I am 46 and the bpd has gotten worse with age. I have lost a lot of close people lately. I also have Bipolar and PTSD diagnosis. I lived what one would call a very complex and often violent childhood. I HAD to adapt personalities to change, now I cant stop. Lately, however, I have had some very bad physical problems. On New Years Day I developed pneumonia that turned septic and nearly died. On thanksgiving I had to have kidney stone surgery. Now, with Xmas looming, I may have to have kidney stone surgery on the right side because it's a much bigger stone that will not pass on it's own. I suffered for two months with the one on the left as the doctors tried to let it pass naturally, it was a fifty fifty chance. Well, it didn't pass so I had the operation. the stent they put in is about as painful as the stone itself, and I had to have it in for a week. Once it was out I felt much better. Now the right side is acting up, and it can become so severe at anytime that walking will be very hard. I have to take a bus everywhere too, so it's a challenge. I just hope for a better next year. It's been a comedy this year, the oddest year of my life. Thanks for the reply.