bpd but no intense relationships?

Ok, so I know one of the most common signs among those with bpd is very intense relationships, but this is where I myself am getting stuck. No matter how often someone tells me "that sounds exactly like bpd" or "you definitely seem to have bpd" I can't shake the fact that it's most commonly diagnosed when even very intense relationships occur. I've sort of been in only 3 or 4 relationships, but each time it's like they never even started. I didn't feel much for the other person, I barely ever saw them, and I wasn't overly attached to them. When I let them go I just moved on, didn't think about it much anymore ever again. So my question is can someone still have bpd without actually having intense relationships?

My own thought to this is "no, of course not, that's one of the bigger signs" but maybe you all have different opinions.

Also know because none of those relationships seemed to spark anything, and they practically meant nothing to me, I've given up on relationships altogether (and I'm only 20).

There are nine traits of BPD:

1. Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived
2. A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
3. Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices)
4. Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
5. Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting
6. Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
9. Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality.

You only have to meet five of them to be considered BPD. Being only 20, maybe the intense relationships just haven't come your way? Even if that one never happened, that's only one of the nine. Do you avoid people and/or push them away when someone attempts to know you or become close? A lot of us do that in an attempt to avoid the intense relationships. Maybe that's what happening. Just a thought.

Without having been attached to any of the people in the relationships and them developing into anything really deep, as I've suspected before part of why you might question this is because they never reached a level of bringing out some of the more obvious traits of bpd. I could be wrong but I think it's a possibility.

as Mara said though, you only need to meet some of the criteria and not everyone meets all of the traits exactly the same.

This is NOT necessarily correct when easily 6 of the 9 traits could be linked to another form of mental illness. For ie. #7 could easily be a trait of Major Depression, #5 could also be a trait of major depression, as well as, several other disorders, #9 could be related to some sort of anxiety related disorder.

The question to the poster is who are these people that say you come across as bpd? A doctor? Friends? I wouldn't rely on the opinions of friends. If a doctor (s) are saying that I'd ask them how they come to that conclusion. The fact you're posting this question leads me to believe you don't think you have it. You don't give much to go on though from what you wrote, but it seems if anything there is an emotional distance with your relationship descriptions and that would be very unlike bpd.. In fact, it's the complete opposite.

Do you consider your relationships/friendships unstable?
Are relationships/friendships for you difficult to maintain?

If the answer to those questions is no then I'd think it would be highly unlikely that you have bpd. Regardless, if you think something is wrong you should see a doctor, and if a doctor does think you have bpd ask them explain how they're coming up with that diagnosis and/or get a second opinion.

I won't say this is 100% true, but I do feel VERY comfortable in saying it's a lot closer to being true than false.

I guess I shall answer the question. I'm usually very open to letting people know practically anything about me, it doesn't bother me. And I only push people away that are really close, and only if I'm irritated by something. I don't think it's to avoid closeness or intensity, they just happen to be in the line of fire. I've never experienced an intense relationship. I've argued, been angry, but I'm a hot-headed individual.

Let me answer your questions now. The people are friends with and without bpd.

I don't considering my relationships/friendships unstable. I argue with the people, get heated by it, and then move on, and so do they. Then again, there are really only 2, maybe 3 people I consider friends/ or such (mom included) and they hang around no matter what, everyone else I just stopped talking to them as we grew more distanced from time.

Relationships/friendships aren't difficult to maintain, again not many to maintain them with and I hardly ever see anyone, so I can't really destroy them so much anyways.

So i guess you're right, there isn't a single thing wrong with me. I knew it was this site driving my mind nuts.............

Of course you could tear apart any Dx in this manner and pick apart the traits to death but that's splitting hairs. The thing is that by the DSM's description, the combination of having at least 5 of the traits signifies that it is likely bpd. The thing is that sure, of course they could be wrong. But the Dx's are all based on analysis of the traits and weighing it against the DSM.

Doctors are not the only ones that can at least recognize whether someone seems to be a person with a disorder or not. Some people I know on this forum are probably more well-versed in bpd than some therapists that have degrees. I mean, we live the disorder. Sure a dr is the only one that can officially say for certain but I wouldn't so quickly discount the opinions of friends.

Forgive me if I am offbase here since I do not know you at all, but you need to approach this with an open mind and you do not appear to be doing that. You were very quick to put down what I said about the possibilities of being BPD, but once someone supported your position you were all for it. In order to figure out what may be your problem, or even if you have a problem or not, you need to approach it with an open mind, be honest with yourself, and take each opinion as having equal merit. And if you believe this place is contributing to your being "nuts", then why are you here?

Sigh....