[NotToBe]

...and then have to face the consequences which I can not live with.

I got pets and then abandoned them because couldn't take care of them. Had a baby just so I have a reason not to go to school. Married the first guy I met just after two weeks of knowing each other though I never even liked him. Bought a flat which got me into 10 yrs of debts and then left everything and fled to another country. Met some guy which I'm actually disgusted with and left my husband for him. Now I'm stuck here alone on the streets in the foreign country without anyone or anything. Everyone I ever knew hates me. I'm hiding from people under the bridge, cut my arm, it's freaking cold, I've got no money and my laptop battery runs out. Which means I'll have to crawl back to that guy I hate just because he's the only person I know in the radius of thousands miles.
I can't even cry because it's not me experiencing all of this. I can't comprehend how in the world can it be my life. I just wanted to be happy but now I don't. I don't wanna be at all. All I feel is emptiness and it burns like I'm filled with hot iron. Why won't anyone just put me down like a sick animal which I am? I hate everyone and myself for letting me go on while they just stand there and watch. It's just not humane.

[MudCrab]

Hello, NotToBe. Do not know what to say except to ask if your country of birth has an embassy you might call to see if any help is available.

[shezbut]

((((NotToBe)))))

I am sorry that you've made some tough decisions and that you're now dealing with the painful repercussions of these decisions. MudCrab had a terrific recommendation in that you seek an embassy of your nation to get help.

Gentle hugs to you.....

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I hope you are safe right now.

If you can read this at some computer, I want to welcome you to PC. And I relate to being in pain or situations beyond my comprehension. And doing such crazy things.

You are not alone.

I hope you can reach a computer soon or a place to stay.

I was diagnosed with bpd in 2001 and bpd is a living h***, I know.

Carol

[Scorpio Eyes]

If I try and say too much, I might break down. I understand how you feel. We care about you, friend. We understand. Be strong.

[NotToBe]

Thanks everyone. I'm back to that guy's place. I feel better now. Probably because I try hard to ignore everything. Even the fact that his landlord basically kicked me out this morning, I ran away, got cold wandering on the streets, sneaked back in and now I'm hiding and waiting for my boyfriend to come back from work. I just want to hug him and tell him how scared I am.

Thanks again for trying to help, suggesting to contact embassy... I have thought about it myself, but I'm just so tired of being constantly thrown around like a stray dog. I want to be somewhere safe, somewhere remotely resembling home. Right now being here is the closest I can get to that.