[9dee9]

I have done it again.....ran away from my job, without even so much of a word to anyone, and now I am hiding from everyone. I dont understand why i keep doing this but I am feeling horrible and just want to disapear. My boss has been texting me for the last 2 days and i just cant bring myself to even look at the texts. My boyfriend is getting anoyed with me because I wont respond back he says there worried about me and i need to talk to them but i just cant. I am such an idiot.

I don't know, but I've been there. I hope things get better for you.

[ECHOES]

The longer it goes, the harder it is.
Maybe tomorrow you could text back and tell your boss you've been sick and sorry for not being able to reply to the texts. Getting that first contact over will be soo relieving!

[Girl_interrupted89]

You are not an idiot. Sometimes we just get scared that's why we run away. Try to reply to your BF when you can thou to let them know that you are safe. Take care

[9dee9]

Thanks for responding! Today is a new day and im starting to feel better. I spoke with my boss and my boyfriend. Im not going back to work right away...but I tried to explain my actions as best i could, and hopefully they understand. I just need a little bit of time to feel strong again. I am trying my best to stop all the bad thoughts i have about myself. I think i will contact my dr. and speak to him about getting a referal again to see a therapist. The only thing i dont like about that though is by the time i get in to see someone, this will be done and i will feel fine again, then i feel like im wasting there time does that make sense to anyone? My biggest problem is always what other people think and i dont like to feel like a burden to anyone, or put anyone out, but then i will do a 180 and say nasty horrible things because they are makink me feel that way. oh my goodness im getting all confused again. I am feeling better though and its nice to be able to come here and share my thoughts.

[Girl_interrupted89]

I usually do that cause my doctor is pretty hard to get scheduled with so by the time we meet I get confused as to why I am there. So I decided to write notes/documents about what goes on my mind at my episodes or moments and stuff so when the time comes that I come see her i'll just go give her the paper than wasting time trying to recall things that already blurred from my mind. You should try it too if you can and maybe it will help

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by 9dee9

Thanks for responding! Today is a new day and im starting to feel better. I spoke with my boss and my boyfriend. Im not going back to work right away...but I tried to explain my actions as best i could, and hopefully they understand. I just need a little bit of time to feel strong again. I am trying my best to stop all the bad thoughts i have about myself. I think i will contact my dr. and speak to him about getting a referal again to see a therapist. The only thing i dont like about that though is by the time i get in to see someone, this will be done and i will feel fine again, then i feel like im wasting there time does that make sense to anyone? My biggest problem is always what other people think and i dont like to feel like a burden to anyone, or put anyone out, but then i will do a 180 and say nasty horrible things because they are makink me feel that way. oh my goodness im getting all confused again. I am feeling better though and its nice to be able to come here and share my thoughts.

Wow!! Good for you! It can be soooo hard to reconnect - I really admire that you could get to a place to allow you to do this.

Boy, times like that are just so hard.

I do notice that when I end up connecting with someone at some point, I feel better. It took me a long time and therapy to be able to see this.
So when I'm in a dark place, now the thought will come to me that if I can somehow connect, or reconnect, in some small way, it will build and I will feel better. It is hard to believe while in the midst of it, though!

[shezbut]

Good for you 9dee9!!

You've actually had the strength to contact your boss and explain your situation ~ Kudos to you! I have walked off several jobs in my life because of dissociation & I kind of freak out about it. Then, I've felt so ashamed and embarrassed, that I couldn't gather the gumption to go back for my final paycheck or anything. I've just swept it under the rug and avoided contact.

I think that it's seriously awesome that you were able to contact them and talk, I really do! I hope that you're able to work things out...best wishes to you!