Let's Count Our Blessings.....

08:55 PM

This is marked as a trigger because of the mention of suicide, but it's actually something I think about now and then that I'm eternally grateful for, and everyone who lives with and struggles with BPD on this forum should be as well.

We KNOW what our problems are, and thanks to this forum among other things, we are learning ways to cope and we have an outlet when things get bad. Imagine the thousands of people who have this nasty disorder but who don't have a clue. They self-injure, have no friends, wreck every relationship that comes their way, and potentially commit suicide, and throughout it all they never know why they act the way they do, have fooled themselves in believing they are "normal", and have no hope at all at getting any better. I was one of those people for a long time.

I believe my brother and probably my mom probably fit in that category and will never know. My brother self injures with a passon. He literally beats himself up with his fists leaving his face look like he was just mobbed, but he will never accept mental health treatment, will never "get it". He has a long-time roommate (of almost 30 years) and family friend who I mentioned the possibility to. The friend, whom I've always gotten along with, heard what I said and sent to him on BPD.....and I included myself in the description....actually put myself first, come back and say, "You shouldn't jump to conclusions, I love him anyway." and hasn't talked to me in almost a year. I guess by my even mentioning the possibility that meant, in his mind, that I no longer loved my brother. On the contary, I was hoping to shed some light and some hope on him. It was none of my business, while my brother continues to have depression, panic attacks, problems with abandonment, and continues to self-injure. It's sad, but there is nothing else I can do without my own self-esteem and problems taking the brunt of it...

We may not like what we're going through a lot of the times, but we know it, "get it" and are learning to work with it. We are blessed.

Girl_interrupted89 · Jan 23, 2013, 10:12 AM

Actually, I see 2 good or 'not so bad' sides of being like this (this is in my own view thou I don't know if anyone would agree):
1. Most of us tends to be or is creative and/or intellectual. Some may not agree, some may not see it in themselves but like I said its in my perspective. Some/Most of the best artworks of different kind from music to paintings and such are made by "us". Not just referring to people with Bpd but people like us who's a little "different" from the rest. (trying my best finding "safe" words as to not offend anyone).
2. For someone who suffers from Bpd and has a more rapid shifts in mood (like me these days) if I became completely depressed and frustrated about something, it could or would only take a few min or so till my mood shifts to something better or feel nothing/blank. It may change again in another min but it saves you at times as long as you control urges when your in the negative part of your mood swings.

Jan 23, 2013, 11:37 AM

You are right and we've actually discussed this before. BPD is not all bad though we do have a tendency of focusing on the bad. Many of us are very artistic and have creative minds. We would definitely not be the same people without it. I just think that many of us are very lucky that we know what we have and what's going on and that we have found a place we can share and receive some encouragement in PC. It's not what some of us would prefer, but it is so much better than being in the dark about it or fooling ourselves and believing all is well when that simply is not the case. Knowing empowers us to some degree and sharing at PC lets us know that's we're not alone and that others "get it" as well as gives us a sounding board, an outlet that we don't have in real life. We know we have BPD, we can work on it, we know what causes it, and we can learn to positively cope with it. That is much better than many of the alternatives.

Girl_interrupted89 · Jan 23, 2013, 01:29 PM

I think if I haven't found PC a week ago or so I wouldnt have had the courage to really ask for help from my family again and let myself hide everything I feel inside my room till I just 'snap' again.. my anxiety attacks have lessen too, haven't really experienced any in a couple of days

just bouts of frustration, depression, the usual stuff..but its manageable unlike before

AngelWolf3 · Jan 23, 2013, 01:51 PM

I am in a down-ish time, right now, but I will come back and write about good too! Thank you for this post, though cause it is really helpful.

Ultra Darkness · Jan 23, 2013, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girl_interrupted89

Actually, I see 2 good or 'not so bad' sides of being like this (this is in my own view thou I don't know if anyone would agree):
1. Most of us tends to be or is creative and/or intellectual. Some may not agree, some may not see it in themselves but like I said its in my perspective. Some/Most of the best artworks of different kind from music to paintings and such are made by "us". Not just referring to people with Bpd but people like us who's a little "different" from the rest. (trying my best finding "safe" words as to not offend anyone).
2. For someone who suffers from Bpd and has a more rapid shifts in mood (like me these days) if I became completely depressed and frustrated about something, it could or would only take a few min or so till my mood shifts to something better or feel nothing/blank. It may change again in another min but it saves you at times as long as you control urges when your in the negative part of your mood swings.

This is SO true. I mean, I write poems and stories, I do a lot of drawing, and I even sold a picture in a local art auction/fund raiser. When I was 14! It sold for $10 (I got half) and people thought it was a painting. I did it with colored pencils.
I was actually thinking about how nice it is to be able to bounce back so quickly not long ago. I can bounce back better than my brother, anyway! (Evil grin)

Girl_interrupted89 · Jan 23, 2013, 03:38 PM

In my case, when I 16 or 17 when my depression was starting to get worst as I haven't been diagnosed yet and my relationship with my mom wasn't as friendly as we are now (she used to be like my mortal enemy) back then I can write a song in just 10-15mins while normal people takes wayyyyy longer. Writing was my outlet before and it was nice when people appreciate them but somehow it was also sad as they can't really understand what was the real deal behind the words..

Ultra Darkness · Jan 23, 2013, 03:43 PM

Well, we know what the words mean. A lot of my poems actually deal with things I have no experience with, like suicidal thoughts and cutting. But they seem to touch something in people, from the feedback I've gotten. It's like I write for the people who can't write for themselves, if that makes any sense.

Girl_interrupted89 · Jan 23, 2013, 04:27 PM

I write mostly about what I feel at that certain moment and since people see me as cheerful,energetic and outgoing girl (who just gets grumpy and mean at times) most people that I have met or seen me without really getting to know me wouldn't believe I wrote those poems and songs since I kind of have the "shallow" look especially back then.