[mraas72]

Sometimes I really hate being with a BF- I felt alone all day today and I feel alone now when he is home. I feel like SCREAMING!!!!! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- I feel anger right now!

It makes me want to eat more, drink more, or gamble more. I just don't have any money to do these things right now. I feel empty very freak-in empty. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[bpd2]

I hate that feeling. It's hard to think of even one thing I want to do when it gets like that. So . . . there ya go. Today was half that, half the other thing--needy and whiny. I went with grief, instead. And the best antidote to grief is hard, hard work. So, I did yard work. All by my lonesome. Cried a little. Whined in a post here. Watched stupid TV in the evening. And now it is a reasonable bedtime and I can go brush my teeth, wash my face, tuck myself in and read a natural history book (no emotion, just the facts, ma'am) until my eyelids turn to lead. Maybe it will be better tomorrow. And sometimes, it really, really is. And that's enough right now. Sometimes. Because that is far better than never at all.

I do love the world--it is large, contains multitudes and there is more in it than dreamt of in my hour-to-hour philosophy. Better to be in it for the long run, isn't it?

[TheRealFDeal]

Sounds like you're in the right place....

[mraas72]

Apparently he works to hard so he is to tired to ****ing entertain me. I feel I made dinner for him, sewed his freakin button on his shirt and hung it up and that would be good enough for him to show some interest in me at least a little.

Originally Posted by mraas72

Sometimes I really hate being with a BF- I felt alone all day today and I feel alone now when he is home. I feel like SCREAMING!!!!! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- I feel anger right now!

It makes me want to eat more, drink more, or gamble more. I just don't have any money to do these things right now. I feel empty very freak-in empty. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

awe. I understand. I'm glad you're broke though. none of those things would make you feel un-empty.

[mraas72]

I feel sorry (regret) for putting this on here only because I know I over reacted. If he wasn't asleep we probably would have had an argument and it would have been my fault because I didn't feel like he did enough for me. What is so terrible is that he did do enough. He was just tired from working and went to bed at a normal time. I feel horrible for feeling like what he does for me isn't enough. Bad Bad me.

Originally Posted by mraas72

I feel sorry (regret) for putting this on here only because I know I over reacted. If he wasn't asleep we probably would have had an argument and it would have been my fault because I didn't feel like he did enough for me. What is so terrible is that he did do enough. He was just tired from working and went to bed at a normal time. I feel horrible for feeling like what he does for me isn't enough. Bad Bad me.

if you refrained from posting for when your reactions were reasonable, would you ever post? would I post about stuff? no it's our overreactions that are part of the reasons we post here at all. Dont' feel bad about that part.

I understand about your bf. I'm sure at times he gets the brunt of your emotional boxing match but you know, you're working on it and he must be understanding to be there still. So there is hope.

[mraas72]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

if you refrained from posting for when your reactions were reasonable, would you ever post? would I post about stuff? no it's our overreactions that are part of the reasons we post here at all. Dont' feel bad about that part.

I understand about your bf. I'm sure at times he gets the brunt of your emotional boxing match but you know, you're working on it and he must be understanding to be there still. So there is hope.

Thank you, and I agree he is pretty understanding- He also has BPD, so I try to understand him too.

Oh good. Not that he has BPD too, of course >.< lol But that he's understanding!

S4 is right. Most of us post when we're at our most irrational as a means of getting over it and for the understanding only others who "get it" can give. That's what the forum is for.

[pastoral-poeta]

Originally Posted by bpd2

I hate that feeling. It's hard to think of even one thing I want to do when it gets like that. So . . . there ya go. Today was half that, half the other thing--needy and whiny. I went with grief, instead. And the best antidote to grief is hard, hard work. So, I did yard work. All by my lonesome. Cried a little. Whined in a post here. Watched stupid TV in the evening. And now it is a reasonable bedtime and I can go brush my teeth, wash my face, tuck myself in and read a natural history book (no emotion, just the facts, ma'am) until my eyelids turn to lead. Maybe it will be better tomorrow. And sometimes, it really, really is. And that's enough right now. Sometimes. Because that is far better than never at all.

I do love the world--it is large, contains multitudes and there is more in it than dreamt of in my hour-to-hour philosophy. Better to be in it for the long run, isn't it?

Thanks for this. It sounds very much like me most days.