Very sick and tired of it

No I'm not in a really bad way. It's not the worst of moods in fact I don't even know if I'm in that bad of a mood in the first place. So why the title? Well you must already have figured I'm about to say hahaha

I'm sick of the cyclic behavior and moods. Right now, I'm not so much angry with anyone or anything like that it's just more like a dull feeling of apathy. I mean don't get me wrong. For the most part, I still care about everyone here and I would still be the friend to anyone that needs one and run to them to support them as usual but today, indeed for the past few days, I'm rather apathetic to everything.

I have friends, that I usually chat with, and ones on the forums I usualy pm with, or at least read and respond to their posts. With enthusiasm even. Right now I feel like I'm just going through the motions when I do respond. Last night and the night before, I had one friend totally face my deaf ear on one of the chats. I have my steam open all the time. Dont' ask me why last night and the night before, I did. I haven't felt like having any kind of small talk with anyone lately and it's been kind of an irritation when someone tries. She got ignored, the entire night, so much so she was screaming for my attention. I just kept on sitting in my isolated world... WTH is wrong with me?

It sucks. I'm drained, spent and worn out again. Part of me wants out of this funk but the part that is all "funked out" is like "what for? What's the point? It all just keeps going round and round anyway" I don't know...

Right now for whatever reason, I just. don't. give. 2 sh!ts about a damn thing. :/

Well hopefully a happier s4 will return soon. Just don't be upset with me if I don't post to your threads.. it probably would come out wrong anyway

That's cool....it happens to all of us on occasion I think. Always here...

Totally understand. I agree we are definitely here for you....!

Big (( hugs ))

its not unusal for us to feel like this nor is it unreasonable to think that we can't feel like this neither. We are human thrown into this darn mess of lives and we don't really care some times how its going or that we are here at all. Glad you are here sharing experiences with us...

Totally get it. I think I feel the same way, though maybe not to the same degree. I was recently going out on dates with someone and simply couldn't muster up enough interest in the process to continue. Just... nope. It wasn't necessarily the person, it was the whole process. And, while I'm interested in what most people on here say I also kind of feel like I'm going through the motions. Feel like this at work too. And even with my two best friends, though I can hold my interest out a little longer with them because they mean a lot to me. But I've felt this way a long time; ever since I was inpatient this past November and maybe even before that. I have a strong suspicion it's med-related for me. Damn psychotropic medications, always effing my sht up.

Anyway, blarga-blarg. I'm picking up what you're putting down.

What was it my mama used to say. "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all". Wise words. If you can't help and are not going to be nice, then sometimes it is just better to leave well enough alone.

Wise choice not to answer posts and PM's and such. We all have been there and it stinks.

At least you have the meds to blame. I'm not even on any... anymore.

More hugs

(((s4)))

I think we all go through this s4nd, try to be gentle with yourself We'll be here.

Thanks Stratty. I'm not beating myself up too much today but just wanted to verbalize it

Fair enough, that's great.

Well yeah, but that's why I'm on the meds--so that I don't feel apathetic (which is a symptom of depression for me). But then I'm put on meds like Geodon that are supposed to be augmenting my antidepressant which also tamp down the anxiety, impulsivity and anger and the flip-side of that seems to be that any excitement, joy, libido, interest... anything like that that I used to feel also seems to have what feels like a thick wool blanket over it. The high dose of Topamax may have something to do with it too, although Topamax just makes me forget words in the middle of a sentence so I doubt it's the culprit. My Wellbutrin alone is just fine; I wish it were still enough. I cut the Geodon in half and decreased the Topamax a little (not going against my doc, she asked if I wanted to go to these doses in the first place). Now I think I just succeeded in feeling anger and anxiety a little more but nothing else. I don't know. I see her soon. Hopefully we can figure it out. I hate being on all these meds, but I hate the alternative even more (i.e. being in and out of the mental hospital because I can't handle life). PS I wouldn't screw with my meds at ALL if I hadn't taken a psych nursing clinical and didn't know anything about tapering and increasing properly, or how to watch for side effects. I've been in medicine a long time. This is not really something most people should just go and do (though I know some of you know what you're doing too). So note to some of you: Don't f--- with your psych meds, mmmkay?

Part of the reason I've discontinued my meds. So I take meds, and it seems to adjust some of the moodiness I suffer from. I emphasize some cus I have yet to find any combination of meds that makes me feel cured. on top of that, the alternative, Other troublesome moods or lack thereof. So I trade off one thing for another that's in my mind, no better. If meds are going to cause side effects in my moods that are troublesome in and of themselves, why bother? This, without even taking into account the fact that it subdued my ability to be creative. That was a deal breaker though.

Well I already broke that rule hun. Yup I quit my depakote, cold turkey. I was fine and had a bit of grumpiness at first but nothing worse. Of course that's how I am with any drugs tbh. When I'm done needing/wanting them I just stop. Same with pain killers, I hd for surgery. My ex used to warn me that I was going to be addicted (while unbeknownst to me, she was addicted to them the whole time o.O ) but when I was done, I was done and just stopped.

Not a rule, and I truly don't care. But I probably have to say stuff like "Don't eff with your meds" on forums like this, hey? And eh, some of them you can do that with. It depends on your body. I've quit Topamax before and only felt a little bit weird, nothing really bothersome. The reason they don't want you quitting anticonvulsants cold turkey is the risk of seizure goes up. Whatever. But I quit Klonopin cold turkey (not really by choice) and it was a pretty horrible 6 weeks. Never want to go through that again.