Not sure if this is the right place possible trigger...

So...this morning by boyfriend came to bed and try to get kinda touchy with me, normally this is fine I like being woken up like that but this morning was different I started freaking out...crying whimpering... until he woke me up and all I could was sob...he knows I'm borderline and is okay with it, he is very supportive but he has never seen me do this and I've never done it before...I've recently been under a lot more stress but I've been worse before ..I felt so bad for reacting that way....he tried talking to me about it but I couldn't find the words...I was disoriented and confused, I had no idea where I was or who he was while it was happening and I can't remember much, but we both agreed that it was a repressed memory just not sure where from... no idea what triggered it...I know i was not abused as a child just neglected but i was sexually abused by an ex boyfriend and I think this has to do with him...how do I get this out of my head? My day is ruined because of this. I want to know how i get that memory out and talk about it....sorry if this is the wrong place but I'm a mess from this...

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I don't know if you have a "safe person" to talk about with this, such as a therapist. it's okay if you don't. You have take a good step, telling us about it. That sounds scary going thru this. I have bpd, too, and I have also woken my bed partners with similar things. Once I pushed a man off my bed because I thought he was a guy on a bus trying to put his arm around me. (I was dreaming and did not realize I was) and I pushed him off the bed, hard. The poor guy woke up, woke ME up, and goes, "Carol, WTF is the matter with you?" Neither one of us knew yet that I had bpd; I had not been diagnosed yet.

You are not the first one who has gone thru this. I don't have really any advice, but I am glad you talked about it. Maybe that is a good beginning.

I am glad your bf is understanding, so was my man, after I explained to him I was having a bad dream. Now we laugh about it.

sorry it's not a real answer. Talking about it can help take away the power it has over us.

Carol

Hi munni42! Do you have a therapist? To work on a bad memory a psychotherapist is someone who could help you work that out.

It is good you are able to share your feelings. I am sure a PC member who had similar experiences of abuse will be able to answer your question better.

Sorry I have been missing...I've been very sick...I do not have a therapist I cannot afford one...I did some digging in my old journals though...the best I can figure is it was triggered by my boyfriend drinking that night...his breath smelled exactly like my exes and I think that's what triggered me... My ex was an alcoholic......but when I told him that he didn't take it very well...he was almost offended.
Thank you all for your advice though...I wish I could have therapy but I've had bad experiences with therapists and the idea scares me more than not having the money for it... Are there any good resources anyone knows for memory problems... I would greatly appreciate it

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