[Sepiano]

Sixteen years old, five hospitalizations, four years in the mental health care system, and two attempts.

I realize that to have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, you have to be at least eighteen. I also realize that well, I'm sixteen. Hormones play a big part relating to both my mental and physical health, and I understand that this could just be one big bag of angsty teenage crap shoved down the wrong pipe. That being said, the symptoms I have are not normal and not every teenager experiences this. From what I've researched, everything points here. Everything. BPD doesn't fit like a glove, but it's the closest thing I've got.

- intrusive thoughts; aggressive in nature
- suicidal tendencies/threats
- no trouble establishing relationships, cannot keep them
- mood swings; quite rapid, can go from 0 to homicidal in four seconds flat over the tiniest thing
- abandonment issues to the max; imagines worst possible scenario if my caregiver doesn't return by a certain time
- overanalyzes everything; physically exhausts me
- fits; crying, screaming, thought process is in chaos, happens often
- lots of anger; if a friend doesn't call, text back, or hang out I'll immediately attribute their actions to "oh, they don't want to be my friend anymore. I hate them, they hate me. Why are they doing this?"
- assertive, to the point of aggressive; I will not take no for an answer
- paranoia; usually stress related, I'll usually think random people are reading my mind, they're after me, they hate me, they're all conspiring against me.
- binge eats during times of stress
- flexible morals, sexual identity, and likes/dislikes

x have never done drugs, drank to the excess.
x never had a girl/boyfriend - don't wish to until I'm completely certain I'm well enough for that type of relationship
x past history of physical abuse, 4 - 7
x my mother committed suicide when I was two, my father left us
x don't self harm with the exception of digging into myself in times of stress/breakdown, bite my nails until they bleed as well as hands
x psychiatrists have thought I was bipolar in the ER when sent in for the attempts
x been on Prozac, Zoloft, Seroquel, and Trazodone

If you need clarification on anything just ask. But, because most of you will say, "go see a professional" - I have. And they won't be able to do anything, anyway. I just ... really need to know what I should do now that a diagnosis is out of the question - no one has given me a straight answer, and believe me, I've tried. They just constantly hand me off to the next person.

So, my question to you, is what's my next move?

Well, what do you want to do? The only way to get answers is to seek professional help. There are other therapists and doctors besides the ones you've seen. I've been through I don't know how many doctors, therapists, and meds until I found what worked. I was diagnosed with depression 20 years ago, with BPD 10 years ago, and have been in the hospital 4 times. I was also (incorrectly) diagnosed with bipolar when I was 16. I took the meds they gave me, and they did help a little; they are very similar to the meds I am currently prescribed. I assume that you live in the United States? You are usually able to choose whom you would like to see. I got second, third, and fourth opinions. I went to different therapists until I found a fit. I don't really know what to do when you're under 18, or what do do about the diagostic criteria, but that is a question for a professional.