[k123]

I get a bad thought in my head and it just doesn't go for sooo long until I talk about it and then it gets better. Eg-I saw my boyfriend checking out a magazine with a half naked girl on it(well that's what I thought I saw) he denies it..I was so angry/sad/hurt for ages until I talk about it and then it goes....is this something that happens to u? I always get hurt about this same thought...for 4years now and I can't stop it's always there

Yes, I can relate. I haven't had the exact same problem, but I have been obsessed with fears of cheating and jealousy. What was the reason for your anger, was it because you saw the picture of the half naked girl on the magazine or because he denied checking it out?

[k123]

Is that he probably perves at girls, even magazines anything bothers me! It's so stupid I know I have never heard anyone feel cheated by the thought of their partner looking at another girl but it really bothers me. The funny part is that I trust him to not cheat in fact i know he wouldn't it's just the thought him checking girls out that bothers me. Crazy I know but it hurts terribly even though he says he doesn't

Well, I think every man will find it difficult not to look at people they find attractive, but as you probably know that doesn't make them perverts. Are you insecure about his feelings towards you? That could be the reason you are so angry, sad and hurt. Your feelings are valid, even when you don't understand them, and they have a source.

[beautifulfreak]

What you are feeling is not crazy, you feel how you feel. I know what is like…try not to beat yourself up over this.

Wish I could take my own advice!

[k123]

Originally Posted by beautifulfreak

What you are feeling is not crazy, you feel how you feel. I know what is like…try not to beat yourself up over this.

Wish I could take my own advice!

Do u think the same thing?

[k123]

Originally Posted by AndreC

Well, I think every man will find it difficult not to look at people they find attractive, but as you probably know that doesn't make them perverts. Are you insecure about his feelings towards you? That could be the reason you are so angry, sad and hurt. Your feelings are valid, even when you don't understand them, and they have a source.

No I know his feelings are so strong, we are so close to each other I just don't want him to think about anyone else but me. I know people will go saying he loves u but, even if he does look there is no harm in that...but I hate it and don't want it to happen

The feelings of jealousy and fear of things like an SO looking at another, stems from insecurity. It can be a tendency in BPD because we are not secure in ourselves, due to the lack of identity. yes many do think this way.. I have myself but I do not consider it good or acceptable for me. It is something to work on, but not working on "not thinking that way" but working on your own confidence in yourself and the relationship.

I'd try focusing on the fact that you don't expect him to cheat. When you fear, or get jealous or bothered by his looking at a magazine like that, try to re-direct your thoughts to how you really do trust him, but that he's not "blind" and is going to see and take notice of women that are attractive. That's natural. A man may notice another woman is attractive but that does not mean that he wants or expects to replace you with her.

Hope this helps.
~S4