[beautifulfreak]

Hey. Don't even know what to say. Could post this is so many forums but ye kinda know me a bit more.

Some of you know I was attending the first of the weddings. I had posted about the anxiety and panic attacks before I left.

Well, I binged on junk food the entire journey…when we arrived at accommodation I asked partner to go to a shop and buy some snacks for 'nibbling' …I stuffed my face.
Major argument with partner over something else.

Day of wedding…everything just seemed to fall apart…distressed over everything…hated the way they did my makeup and my hair. Felt disgusted with myself. My back pain so intense from the journey…didn't have enough pain meds. All the anger regarding the pain being worse since the surgery etc.

Finally arrived at the reception…terrified…like a little child…

Long story short…so self conscious, another argument with partner, I hardly saw him all night. I drank copious amounts of alcohol to numb the mental and physical torture I was feeling.

On way back to the accommodation in early hours…partner really mad with me…when we arrived back he was still saying things. I started crying and shaking uncontrollably…thinking to myself I'm such a stupid failure, useless.

All culminated in me self-harming. I felt I had to. Do you know what I mean?

Partner hates me. I hate me.

Can't even cope with attending a wedding. And still have two more coming up.

Hate myself. I am in so much emotional and physical pain.

My eyes are still throbbing from crying.

I have not described this very well at all…I feel so so low.

[greyclouds]

hugs I don't have much advice only that I feel your pain.

[beautifulfreak]

Originally Posted by greyclouds

hugs I don't have much advice only that I feel your pain.

Thank you… hugs to you too