stupid

stupid stupid stupid hugs don't matter.
But hugs from the heart do.
Just my opinion.


Be who you want and say what you feel
Because those who mind don't matter
And those who matter don't mind

Sometimes people don't know what to say or don't have anything that they feel they can offer at the moment so they hug in order to let the person posting know that they've read the post and are standing in solidarity with them. It isn't the same as a real hug, but it's the best we can do over the internet.

I don't give hugs very often on here. It's not that I don't care. It's that I want the hugs I do give to matter.

((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))) wish I could you in real life my dear friend

I didn't much like the hug button when it first came out... I want the hugs I give to matter too.

Peace

I know what you mean...
I don't have a hug button on my phone, so it doesn't bug me anymore, but you're right, hugs should mean something

btw. I fixed my first post, I looked at it now and realised it looked like a drunk person typed it while half asleep!

PS. You do know you give the best cyber hugs ever right??? Just ask anyone of your longtime friends here

It can feel like a bot thing and not real sometimes. "Just push a button". And I have not gotten a real face to face hug in ????? It's not the same, I know.

And a real meaty reply can feel better, too.

It is hard to know what to say. I feel like I have to train ppl or suggest to them on what I would like to have them say to me.

thanks,

Carol

I know what you mean ~ I sometimes used to feel like that too, especially about the meaty replies feeling better. (maybe goes back to being fed as a baby for some...) Now I try to appreciate all replies, meaty or not, hugs or not. (if I feel like the person is being supportive or if any criticism is constructive.) Sometimes though, especially "irl" I feel like I have to train people too

One thing online that used to drive me nuts, and triggered me, long ago, was if someone said "gtg" at the end of the chat. And then just exited. (not a good "feed" for the "baby". And a sudden and seemingly uncaring abandonment too.)

Thanks for your reply.

((((fuzzy)))) I know sometimes virtual hugs may seem a bit insufficient?

I know a reply is nice, sometimes people do not have the words or may not have enough time or other reasons.

So please, don't feel left out if you don't get a reply. Sometimes a hug can be comforting.

I know your hugs have been great comfort to me…

It's not that we have to train people, but we do sometimes have to ask for what we need. My T told me this and it was a completely foreign concept to me, and I wonder how many other people thought the same way as I did. Like, for example, when my best friend doesn't reply to a depressive text I send and I really need her to. She may just think that she's letting me vent and that it's okay that she doesn't reply, but I really need her to. My T told me that I have to tell her that I need her to reply sometimes. I thought that this was just completely off-the-wall, but it really isn't. How else do people know what we need unless we tell them? We can't expect people to read our minds (but I sometimes do, and then I get mad when they don't! ) Also, something that I learned in group when I was in the hospital: we teach people how to treat us. So so true.

Telling people what I need or want from them is so out of my league.

That is the one thing my husband and I still get into arguments about when we do. I feel like he should know me well enough by now to just get what it is that I feel.think.want, etc.

It makes sense, sure, but it is not easy.

I give hugs a lot and they do mean something to me when I do. Usually it is when I have nothing to say at the moment as I do not want to add anything negative to someone who is feeling way down. SO I hug to let them know I am at least here and thinking of them and wish I could help.

I get frustrated when I don't see any for me, but that is just the BPD part of me going nutso at the time I suppose.