So I am 35 years old, just turned almost a month ago, and people frequently, if not always, mistake me for much younger. Sometimes up to 10 years younger. I've gotten mistaken for younger since I was in my early 20's; I don't look kiddish, really. I'm not tiny or child-like; I'm 5'10" and large-framed. I'm very fair-skinned so I don't tan, which means I don't have wrinkles to speak of, and I have curly hair which always looks youthful on anyone, I think. When I was younger (in my teens) I was mistaken for older all the time. I guess I age well.

Anyway, I'm starting to get the feeling that it's not only my looks which are making me seem younger. I don't feel 35; I certainly don't think I act like I'm 35. I don't have the responsibilities of marriage, kids, or a home, though I pay my bills, hold down both a full-time job and a per diem job, and am quite responsible in life, I sometimes feel like I'm in my early 20's as far as emotional development. I know that's the BPD coming into play, but really, like I said, I don't have the same responsibilities a normal 35 year old has. (So how am I supposed to act? I don't even know. What do I do about this??)

I guess my question is this: does anyone else (or has anyone else) ever been mistaken for younger, and if so, why do you think that is? Similarly, do you feel like you are your age or do you feel like you are emotionally younger or older? I hope I'm getting my point across... This really affects how people, especially coworkers, treat me and I think I need to do something about it.

[NWgirl2013]

Count your blessings! Being perceived as younger is neither negative or positive. It's your gene pool, and a blessing. You are also probably very healthy. All good things.
I have dealt with this all my life. It can be a blessing & a curse. Your age probably does not usually come up for most people. If it does, does it really matter? You may think or feel you are 25, but in fact, you are not. You are a responsible, gifted, if youthful 35 year old adult. What does a 35 year old adult feel like? You should know, they feel just like you.

Emotional development comes with time, and while you may feel you are not fully formed because you haven't embraced the path of family,kids, etc. it doesn't mean you are less mature.
Maybe a bit of reading, like the book Emotional Intelligence, would show you your level of maturity to yourself. The next part of being an adult is embracing who you are, how you are. That self love and acceptance will bring you to and sustain you in a peaceful place for years to come.

Many good wishes coming your way

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

Count your blessings! Being perceived as younger is neither negative or positive. It's your gene pool, and a blessing. You are also probably very healthy. All good things.
I have dealt with this all my life. It can be a blessing & a curse. Your age probably does not usually come up for most people. If it does, does it really matter? You may think or feel you are 25, but in fact, you are not. You are a responsible, gifted, if youthful 35 year old adult. What does a 35 year old adult feel like? You should know, they feel just like you.

Emotional development comes with time, and while you may feel you are not fully formed because you haven't embraced the path of family,kids, etc. it doesn't mean you are less mature.
Maybe a bit of reading, like the book Emotional Intelligence, would show you your level of maturity to yourself. The next part of being an adult is embracing who you are, how you are. That self love and acceptance will bring you to and sustain you in a peaceful place for years to come.

Many good wishes coming your way

Well, it does matter. That's why I posted this. It matters because I don't identify with people my age, and people my age don't identify with me in that they don't really socialize with me. They think that I'm 25, and that they have nothing in common with me, and they sometimes don't bother to even find out.

How much time does it take for emotional development? It's a rhetorical question, but I mean, really, how much time should I really be expected to give it? I'm aware of my maturity; it's not at the level of my peers. I discussed it in my original post--I'm at the level of someone in their early 20's. Not that someone in their early 20's is bad, but I'm not in my early 20's.

This isn't something I wish to have brushed under the rug or to be told is a "blessing;" this is very bothersome to me. Being perceived as younger IS a negative if it affects how your employer and coworkers view you (negatively).

[hezaa82]

I get mistaken for younger all the time too. I'm 30 but people often guess I'm about 24. I think some of it is genes because my mom always looked young for her age. Plus I dress young and do young things like clubbing so maybe that makes me appear younger too. But I think you might be right about emotional maturity affecting how old or young people think you are. I'm behind in emotional development too.

[unaluna]

Start setting goals, meeting milestones. Stop waiting to meet someone. Start living your life as if YOU matter. And... start doing this before you hit your sixties

[k123]

It's weirded for me too...I'm 28 but I don't know how to be 28? It's sounds funny but because I don't have any friends and just my boyfriend for the last 4.5 years i feel like I don't know how women my age are....I feel like emotionally I'm stuck in my early 20's and having bpd doesn't help either. I don't know how old I seem to others but I do know I am not like other girls my age really

I totally relate to this, I am married with 4 kids and I have never looked my age, People are shocked when I say that I have 4 kids and I tell them the ages of my kids, Emotionally I still feel about 10 years old....My sister who is 5 years older than myself has been taken for my mother Lol my daughter gets taken for my sister, I am flattered at times but it can get annoying too.

I still get carded and mistaken for someone much younger.. Most people think I'm in my 20's or something. When I say I've got 3 kids and one is grown up, they almost fall over and always say "you don't look like you're old enough to have kids that age". Meh. I don't see why it should matter either. I don't have all that much in common with any people my age and if that's the case why should I care?

[NWgirl2013]

Pardon me, sincerely. I was not intending to "brush under the rug" your questions or concerns.
You want to be taken seriously, as a peer, as an adult. Especially in your workplace.
How you are perceived is directly related to how you present yourself. If you want a different reaction then you have to change the presentation. That is one thing.

The other is that there are no 'age markers' for maturity like when you were a child. My thoughts were intended more to point out that everyone matures at a different rate, in different ways. You sound like you are ready to make another step, otherwise you wouldn't be questioning it.

If you don't relate to people your age, perhaps it is more a matter of interests & attitude than age. You see, there is no "age" for commonality when you are an adult. I am sure others here will agree. Age isn't a criteria for maturity.

I've always had friends of all ages & I still do. One of my dearest friends in my 20's was in her 50's. My best friend now is 15 years younger than me. It's the same with coworkers. I don't now & never did necessarily identify with my 'age group'. I am not alone in this! I identify with people, the ones I have fun with.

There is no 'age' that we all get married or buy houses or have children or start careers. It isn't really like that. No 'maturity markers', just life. If we look young while we're busy living, good for us.

People here, like me, are caring people, only here to lend our thoughts.

& BTW the book I suggested Emotional Intelligence is very good. Give it a read, see what you think.

I'm thin and I don't wear make up so I guess people often mistake me for being younger for that reason.

i'm 23, but i always get mistaken for being older. my mother, on the other hand, keeps getting mistaken for my sister. she acts like she's younger than me, too, but idk. i feel like i'm twice my age, always have. was raised by my great grandparents, though, so that plays a part.

i don't really relate to people my age either. they all seem kind of immature to me. plus, i'm married with two kids and they're all either single or just dating around. they're almost all in college yet and think kids are just booger-infested, loud, mobile responsibilities. but even though i agree with them (laughingly), if i actually voice it they look at me like, how could you feel that way when you have kids of your own?? like i'm so horrible for being honest...

so even though we're on opposite ends i know how you feel. i get along with my bosses, am seen as a responsible adult by them, but it doesn't give me much room to act like the 23-year-old i really am. i want to have fun once in a while without being looked at like i'm being a bad mom.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by misskeena

So I am 35 years old, just turned almost a month ago, and people frequently, if not always, mistake me for much younger. Sometimes up to 10 years younger. I've gotten mistaken for younger since I was in my early 20's; I don't look kiddish, really. I'm not tiny or child-like; I'm 5'10" and large-framed. I'm very fair-skinned so I don't tan, which means I don't have wrinkles to speak of, and I have curly hair which always looks youthful on anyone, I think. When I was younger (in my teens) I was mistaken for older all the time. I guess I age well.

Anyway, I'm starting to get the feeling that it's not only my looks which are making me seem younger. I don't feel 35; I certainly don't think I act like I'm 35. I don't have the responsibilities of marriage, kids, or a home, though I pay my bills, hold down both a full-time job and a per diem job, and am quite responsible in life, I sometimes feel like I'm in my early 20's as far as emotional development. I know that's the BPD coming into play, but really, like I said, I don't have the same responsibilities a normal 35 year old has. (So how am I supposed to act? I don't even know. What do I do about this??)

I guess my question is this: does anyone else (or has anyone else) ever been mistaken for younger, and if so, why do you think that is? Similarly, do you feel like you are your age or do you feel like you are emotionally younger or older? I hope I'm getting my point across... This really affects how people, especially coworkers, treat me and I think I need to do something about it.

Yes I'm mistaken for younger. I will be 40 this year. I'm not thin. I'm 5'7". Straight hair, dark blonde I wear it long, recently grew 2 gray hairs (fascinating and sparkly). I married and had children at age 20. I'm now divorced, 3 kids. I've run a company since age 25. I get carded for cigs and alcohol. People act shocked when I talk to my older kids 18 & 17, and realize I'm their mother. I don't dress particularly "young". I suppose it's because I "age well" also. Recently a man thought I was my sister's daughter - she is less than 2 years older, that was unpleasant.

So it must be something in our face or vibe or something? Because the responses agree but our particular looks vary across the board. It's first impressions from strangers so it can't be our actions, they don't know us. Your co-workers, maybe because you haven't gotten to know them well yet.

I do feel emotionally young, so sensitive. Quite fragile sometimes. I sometimes make impulsive childish decisions. I'm sometimes reckless. I wonder if I was more mature at 20 than I am now. Aging in reverse?

It is often bothersome for me. Other parents at the school have treated me like the children's nanny, brush me off when I initiate conversation. Once they get to know me it's better.

At stores with my kids, sometimes people seem to ask us rudely (maybe just my perception, idk). But there are different ways that people ask or comment that can really bother me. Then there is their reaction, which usually either has what feels like mean judgment or supportive, "right on - you go girl!" Once a man asked me how I do it, asked if I drink blood - that one was good, made me laugh. And now approaching 40 with 2 gray hairs, I'm finally ready to accept, "you look so young!" as a compliment.

You've asked for advice about the co-workers. Can you give more detail or examples of how they are treating you?

Someone mentioned change how you present yourself. I don't know that that would fix anything. Chances are you are already presenting yourself just fine. You sound successful in your career. I'd guess trying to change your perception of the co-workers' actions or relationships might be more likely to help.

I don't know if you get social anxiety - I do. I've had to work on that a lot with being handed the business when my dad died. It's still an issue for me honestly. But there are times when I'm really on my game with business, management, meetings, dealing with employee problems.

You asked how are you supposed to act as a 35 year old... In my opinion be yourself, even if it feels like different people from day to day. For example, I don't think we need to act older and mature and serious all the time, fun and spontaneity are a golden elixir for the spirit. Be your authentic self as best you can, however you feel like acting in the moment, with care of course. It's hard when we are emotionally sensitive. But that doesn't necessarily have to mean that we are immature. The great teachers speak of compassion, which is emotional sensitivity at it's finest. It can make us more vulnerable, which is why healthy boundaries are important. We are all works in progress.

I liked something I read here earlier in the quotes thread, about accepting even the confusion in our minds... I don't remember exact words, but it was a wow - cool moment.

Hang in there, you'll get your head wrapped around this misskeena dear.

[Arethusa]

I'm 24 but often pass for a sixteen or seventeen year old girl

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

Pardon me, sincerely. I was not intending to "brush under the rug" your questions or concerns.
You want to be taken seriously, as a peer, as an adult. Especially in your workplace.
How you are perceived is directly related to how you present yourself. If you want a different reaction then you have to change the presentation. That is one thing.

The other is that there are no 'age markers' for maturity like when you were a child. My thoughts were intended more to point out that everyone matures at a different rate, in different ways. You sound like you are ready to make another step, otherwise you wouldn't be questioning it.

If you don't relate to people your age, perhaps it is more a matter of interests & attitude than age. You see, there is no "age" for commonality when you are an adult. I am sure others here will agree. Age isn't a criteria for maturity.

I've always had friends of all ages & I still do. One of my dearest friends in my 20's was in her 50's. My best friend now is 15 years younger than me. It's the same with coworkers. I don't now & never did necessarily identify with my 'age group'. I am not alone in this! I identify with people, the ones I have fun with.

There is no 'age' that we all get married or buy houses or have children or start careers. It isn't really like that. No 'maturity markers', just life. If we look young while we're busy living, good for us.

People here, like me, are caring people, only here to lend our thoughts.

& BTW the book I suggested Emotional Intelligence is very good. Give it a read, see what you think.

You're fine, I wasn't mad or anything, I just find that sometimes people in threads brush things off and offer platitudes. It's especially bad in chat.

BTW, here in West Michigan there most certainly IS an age where everyone gets married and has children. If you haven't done it by the time you're in your late 20's, then there is something wrong with you. There is a very conservative religious vibe over here and I don't fit into it. Even when I tried to fit into it, I didn't. I still feel too young to have kids, which means I probably am not meant to have any (I don't want them anyway, so that's fine).

How I present myself is directly related to what is going on with my mental state. The BPD has a lot to do with it and I suspect I may have some avoidant tendencies in there as well which means that I tend to either have a wall up with people or, more often, my social anxiety gets the best of me. I was an only child so I can be reasonably outgoing (because I had to be as a kid), but when I'm talking to new people, I stutter and stammer and feel like my tongue is too big for my mouth. I sound like an idiot. I act like an idiot. I'm an intelligent person, but people who know me truly think I'm stupid because of how I come off. I believe that people who know me know a much different person than the people who have just met me.

I don't know how to present myself any other way. I just...simply feel too embarrassed around new people.

Originally Posted by misskeena

BTW, here in West Michigan there most certainly IS an age where everyone gets married and has children. If you haven't done it by the time you're in your late 20's, then there is something wrong with you. There is a very conservative religious vibe over here and I don't fit into it. Even when I tried to fit into it, I didn't. I still feel too young to have kids, which means I probably am not meant to have any (I don't want them anyway, so that's fine).

Do what I did. Stop trying to fit in, it's subjective anyway. Thing is, you fit in one place and you'll be out of place in a different area. Too much work trying to do so and the fact is it just takes away from your individuality when you are busy doing what the masses say you should, whether that be a small community or the world.

You're fine how you are and look at the good side of being looked at as younger. No matter what, in everything there are two sides, if you looked and seemed older there would be good and bad about it too. Trust me. So most likely this is not going to change. I'm now 45. I still look and seem young to people. I was once thought that I was my wife's son (ex now) LMAO. She was pissed. Try to find the benefits of seeming young.

How I present myself is directly related to what is going on with my mental state. The BPD has a lot to do with it and I suspect I may have some avoidant tendencies in there as well which means that I tend to either have a wall up with people or, more often, my social anxiety gets the best of me. I was an only child so I can be reasonably outgoing (because I had to be as a kid), but when I'm talking to new people, I stutter and stammer and feel like my tongue is too big for my mouth. I sound like an idiot. I act like an idiot. I'm an intelligent person, but people who know me truly think I'm stupid because of how I come off. I believe that people who know me know a much different person than the people who have just met me.

being awkward has very little to do with age or maturity. If they take it as if you are young because you are awkward in conversations then they are not really thinking very clearly. o.O I'm awkward in social situations of every kind and pretty much don't talk to people for the most part. that's how I've always been. Growing older has done nothing to change that aspect of my personallity.

I don't know how to present myself any other way. I just...simply feel too embarrassed around new people.

I know exactly how this feels.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

being awkward has very little to do with age or maturity. If they take it as if you are young because you are awkward in conversations then they are not really thinking very clearly. o.O I'm awkward in social situations of every kind and pretty much don't talk to people for the most part. that's how I've always been. Growing older has done nothing to change that aspect of my personallity.

I wish I knew how to change this. I am not an awkward person on the inside. I'm a very cool, fun person on the inside. I do not know how to make my inside person match my outside person.

I'm sure you're fun and all that on the outside too.. Just getting past the awkward zone is the issue. I'm sure once you know someone you're fine. I wish I had advice but as I said I'm still that way. I've just accepted it for how it is.

[Arethusa]

I'm the exact same way. It's just hard to be myself around other people. Especially when you're afraid of them judging you.

[Ultra Darkness]

People often ask if I'm in high school, but since some 18 year-olds are, I guess that doesn't count.
Or it wouldn't, if someone hadn't said that I don't look old enough to be out yet.