I posted this in the bipolar check-in thread, and then I wondered if maybe some of you had similar views/experiences/problems? I'm about to end my therapy there (group + individual psychotherapy each week) after 1.5 years. They made that decision because of my misuse of cannabis, mostly as self-medication for my bipolar II. They said I have BPD before they gave me the bipolar II diagnosis, but now I'm questioning if I have as many BPD traits as they said.

I sent a text to my T, since he booked an appointment for me: "Hi! I don't need a new appointment. I forgot to tell you that I wasn't coming to the last one. Going to the group next week as my last time." I hope that doesn't sound very dramatic, because I don't intend to speak with him again and so I won't answer his calls. He bugs me. This is just me deciding that I've had enough now and don't think there's any point in continuing. As I've tried to tell them I do not bond normally to other people, but being the rather slow people they are the therapists and group leaders over there still don't really get it. They probably think I have no idea what goes on in my head, which seems to be the general consensus about us patients there. I do not actually care much for T or for any of the people in my group. I consider them basically strangers, as I do with most people (family too, I think) and I care about them as if they were. This is not my BPD "I-have-no-emotions-whatsoever" side.

The group members and therapists seem to expect that I should care more, that I'm just not acknowledging my feelings towards them. It's all getting increasingly absurd. I know I am abnormal when it comes to this and I am sure that I do not actually need closure, either with my T or my group. I have ended things like this before and I have no problems with it, even though therapists have tried talking a hole in my head about it. And I do listen to them. I don't miss anyone specifically when they're gone, if that makes any sense to you, and I know I'm not going to miss any of these people either. Does this make me a mini-psychopath? I tried talking about that once and they thought I was being self-destructive. I wasn't, I was being honest, and I'm fine with possibly being slightly psychopathic. I care a lot about people, but I don't get very attached to them. And I'm not hiding a strong, bubbly, loving affection towards any these people.

Why do they expect that I care more? (One of them almost had an anxiety attack when I said I was leaving last time, and they made me come one more time just to get "closure") Do I not care enough? And why does my T think my self-image is bad? Usually I think it's pretty good, somewhere in the normal range. Am I silly for thinking my T's are consciously trying to undermine my self-confidence because they feel an aversion towards me?

[poptart316]

I don't care about a lot of people either but I thought it was normal to not get "attached" to a lot of people? I was talking to my T about making friends in work situations and stuff or just talking to my co-workers.. like I don't have little interest in talking to them, let alone being friends and my T said it was fine and not really necessary to make friends with people and that I'd just be there to do my job.

I don't think you're supposed to bond very deeply with your T or with people in a support group? I see my T in a similar way as to how I see my doctor, she gets paid to help me with my mental disorders and there's a level of professionalism there. I wouldn't really consider her to be my "friend", sometimes she tells me to call her at home to let her know I'm doing and feel kind of uncomfortable about doing that, like I'm overstepping boundaries or something.

But yeah, I don't think you're a sociopath, I just don't think that you're supposed to "bond" with most people.

Hi poptart! It's nice to hear that you don't think I'm being totally weird.

I don't really know how you're supposed to think about people in therapy. They consistently seem to demand a lot of affection from me though, in areas where I'm probably not very affectionate. You're probably right that it's normal to not bond very much to people in therapy. Although I really think there could be something abnormal to me too because this seems to be a very common pattern in my life, and in previous therapy too.

i don't think it's weird. i'd consider it a positive trait to not get attached. people change so much and personally, i don't handle change well. but i'm not very affectionate either. i don't like getting attached so i avoid people a lot. it's just easier that way. example being, when i start to feel comfortable at work, i start wanting to quit because i'm getting along too well with my co-workers and i don't want to get attached to people because i don't know if they'll be cool with me one day and hate me the next. i don't work with many people like that, but i prefer to feel that way just in case it happens so i won't be caught off guard. does that make sense?

i wouldn't want to bond to a therapist either, really, because again, things change, and maybe the therapist needs a week off or quits, and then you don't have him/her anymore, and if you're attached then it gets messy.

so i don't think it's weird at all.