[Korana]

Today is awful, most likely because it's the day I'm realising I'm slipping into a depressive episode.
I feel both so sad and so empty at the same time. I feel so hopeless, like I do not have the energy to keep fighting through this all for another day.
I feel physically weak, exhausted. Pieces of me want to cry, the rest want to curl up in bed and hope it feels safe, and my head is just screaming. It doesn't want to settle.
I feel physically hungry, it recoils from eating. I need to clean up, my body is so weak, my mind will not control my limbs to move.
I force my fingers to type word by word hoping that saying this out loud somewhere will release it. But it becomes painfully obvious that it won't.
I lose hope entirely as my energy fades. I have ploughed through each day without pause, wanting to move forward in time like normal people, complete my daily tasks, work on long term goals, even though those goals will change in another week. But eventually, there are no fumes to run on, and like today, I stop dead still and cannot move on.
How long will this last? I don't know. It varies usually. This one feels heavier than the others.
I feel disgusted by myself, I cannot look in a mirror, I don't want to see or hear the presence of another human bring physically.
I just want to fade away.
What do you do when these days come and you cannot see a way through?

Originally Posted by Korana

Today is awful, most likely because it's the day I'm realising I'm slipping into a depressive episode.
I feel both so sad and so empty at the same time. I feel so hopeless, like I do not have the energy to keep fighting through this all for another day.
I feel physically weak, exhausted. Pieces of me want to cry, the rest want to curl up in bed and hope it feels safe, and my head is just screaming. It doesn't want to settle.
I feel physically hungry, it recoils from eating. I need to clean up, my body is so weak, my mind will not control my limbs to move.
I force my fingers to type word by word hoping that saying this out loud somewhere will release it. But it becomes painfully obvious that it won't.
I lose hope entirely as my energy fades. I have ploughed through each day without pause, wanting to move forward in time like normal people, complete my daily tasks, work on long term goals, even though those goals will change in another week. But eventually, there are no fumes to run on, and like today, I stop dead still and cannot move on.
How long will this last? I don't know. It varies usually. This one feels heavier than the others.
I feel disgusted by myself, I cannot look in a mirror, I don't want to see or hear the presence of another human bring physically.
I just want to fade away.
What do you do when these days come and you cannot see a way through?

why don't you introduce yourself to us? You can visit the new members forum. I'm sure they can provide you some feedback.
whenever i feel like that, i tell someone, but most of the time people in real life don't listen.

[Korana]

I've been a member for a couple of years now. I don't really know how to summarize myself really. I'm just a big mess.
People in real life don't understand, even if you do talk.
I disconnected from yet another therapist because yet again, he is a moron. I'm tired of talking to people who are so eager to help but just can't.

[greentires4me]

when i cannot see a way through all do all the same things you do except I listen to some music try a hot pot of tea and a warm bubble bath. I do lots of those things to self soothe ...then there is distraction points...watching tv coming on here reading a couple positive posts and chatting online.

Just keep coming back and continue posting. These forums will help you through this. Just know that you are not alone. There are many of us who feel just like you do. Hang in there! This too shall pass!