[hezaa82]

Last night I went on a date. It was kind of an odd situation to begin with because I originally met him as a prospective student wanting to take English lessons from me. He told me that he wanted to take me out to dinner and we could practice English over dinner. I agreed even though I was looking for a serious student, not a date (typical BPD lack of boundaries). Anyway we had dinner and he was nice and funny and intelligent, but as soon as he started to make overtones that he liked me and wanted more dates with me, I got uncomfortable. I think maybe it feels like pressure? I'm a people pleaser so maybe it feels like I have to go along with what he wants? I guess it's the classic fear of intimacy/fear of being sucked in and losing yourself. But it's strange because when I do find someone that I like it's the opposite. I want to be attached to the hip with them lol.

Or maybe he just wasn't my type and that's all it is? But I think my BPD probably has something to do with it. I wonder if there's anyway to go on a date and not feel scared or feel pressured?

[roads]

IDK, but I think maybe it should never have become a date. I was a teacher, and that's an impenetrable barrier in my experience--unless you click from Day One, and you both know it.
I'm guessing it was cheaper to take you to dinner than pay for private English lessons. I would have gotten uncomfortable too, and I'm bipolar not BPD. I think your reaction was a normal & healthy one myself.
Roadie

[hezaa82]

Thanks. Yeah I felt like I let myself down when I agreed to the date and didn't use healthy boundaries. But I get the same reaction when it's a more normal date too, ie a date with a guy I met at a party or something.