newly diagnosed BPD...my issues and a question!

Let's see...Ihave so manyissues (at least, I feel that I do)....Iwasrecentlydiagnosedwith Borderline Personality Disorder(i believe transparent or 'quiet' borderline, as i dont 'act out' in anger, i dont express anger at all, i 'act in' and aim it at my self though self loathing thoughts and self injurous behavior)andwaspreviously diagnosed with Codependency....so I guess I have both. I am a product of an absent, drug addicted, alcoholic mom (didn't know where she was for almost the entire second half of my life, but we're currently back in touch), a (although well meaning) overbearing, overly attached and at times emotiionally abusive step-mom, a dad who is just kind of there (and often stuck in the middle of me and my step mom's disagreements) anda whole bunch of sexual abuse in various contexts which I prefer not to get into. Anyway, my issues with borderline have recently (in the last year or so) gotten a lot worse as I have movedout onmyown and really haven'thadthe stabilityI hadwhen I lived at home. I go from being hopeful, confident and optimistic to self-loathing, depressed and self destructiveat leastonce a week (the badtypically brought on by loneliness). Im super clingy with people, especially those who are more emotionally distant, but i tend to get annoyed with and pull away from those who give me lots of attention. I get exhausted from too much social interaction and a lot of times love my time alone to relax,but at the same time i get really lonely. When i'm lonely i get paranoid that no one is texting me or whatever because they don't care, and then when i reach out to people during this time, the minutes waiting for them to respond feel like hours and i turn into a nervous wreck. My anxiety is also insane if for some reason i can't have access tomyphone because i'm always afraid someone will need me and i won't be there, so they'll realize they don't need me and leave. I need to be needed and i tend to chose friends with 'issues' for this reason. BUT i tend to fixate primarilyonone person, and while this person in my eyes can do no wrong and can never be too needy, if anyone else gets a little too needy, i have a bad habit of getting annoyed and ignoring them. Ugh, i feel like such a bad friend (but when it's happening i don't care) Also, my spending is out of control (this is something ive always had an issue with, but now i have billsandrenttopay).I'm drowning in debt and have been evicted from 2 apartments for failure to pay rent. I'vefailed out of college twice (i didn't even try, i went in with intentions of everythingbeing awesome,theni just gave up). I'vebeen fired from several jobs for little things related tojobperformance. I realized I really have no sense of self. Everythingabout myselfand my world depends and revolves around the people in it, particularly who ever i'm closest to or want to be closest to at the time. Lastly,i have a serious problem with attention seeking behavior.I find myself frequently posting vaguely depressing things on fb or saying things to friends about my feelings (all things/feelings thatare true,mindyou) but thati know i'm mostly only expressing to get a response of sympathy and/or shock at how messed up i really am (as i don't appear that way). Heck, i even had those thoughts while posting this thread to people i dont even know. =.= i'm addicted to other peoples' approval...even during sex. I love to 'give' rather than 'receive' because i love hearing how good i am. I find myself constantly obsessing about my diagnoses and other perceived issues. I'm constantly wondering,researching and asking if my various behaviorsare a 'borderline thing'or 'codependency thing'....Ican't focus onmuch else. Ive been on medication (Zoloft 50 mg) for almost a month, and have starting counseling. I'm also looking into DBT type self help techniques. My question is (if anyone read this far down...haha sorry it's so long) does anyone one else with BPD have issues with obsessing over the diagnosis andif your behaviors are part of it? Myobsessingis causing me to allow Borderline to define me. I do know in the past (before i really had friends which has only been for the past 2 years) i would fixate and obsess on THINGS rather than people. Then as a new person came into my life i'd fixate on them instead...butyeah.Isthe obsessingabout being Borderline a Borderline thing??? Gah it doesn't help matters that i find psychologysooo fascinating. At times i wonder if maybe i'm just a hypochondriac. =.=

I seem to have an obsession with whatever is new in my life. This certainly happened when I was first diagnosed, but that could have just been human nature. It's natural to want to find out as much as you can about yourself or about a newly diagnosed dx. A really good link here in the forums is a sticky at the top of all of our posts called, "Borderline PD Symptoms Description." It's quite extensive.

Really? Oooh I'll have to check it out. I did see the symptoms description sticky, but assumed it would only cover the basics that I already know. Thanks!

There is also this post by Cryptic, Something I did today about BPD - symptoms, traits, characteristics. It's a bit longer, but has a lot of info too.