floating away

hate it when this happens..... I was on the phone.... don't remember most of what was said... or what I said...
sometimes I wonder if I am more DID than BPD
I dissociate a lot... and sometimes into a child-like sstate..
anyone have similar issues?

All the time. I can be talking to my wife about something somewhat important, and by the end of the conversation, I've forgotten what the main topic was.

I do this so much that my therapist actually jokes about it with me. I'll remember 20% of the conversation, in and out basically. I wonder if it actually has something to do with information overload, that's what it's like for me at times. I end up telling everybody to shut up, and get them to go one at a time.. Also I think it's the whole "once it's gone, it never existed" thing, like there's not much need to retain it. Although I've noticed I do remember totally random things and do actually have pretty good long-term memory.

I also have what I call "background alters", I do not have DID but I do feel myself becoming childlike and aware of this child in my mind. Also, if I have completely dissociated, (mostly online, only ever happenned a couple of times irl) another "alter" takes over, but I think it's more so like a fragment of my personality that concentrates itself. I'm aware of everything, but it is complete respite from the situation.

Hope this helped you feel like your not alone

I think there's a lot more parralels with DID and BPD than people realise actually.

Could the whole "once it's gone it never existed" thing be rooted to the fact we never got to emotionally evolve like others? I mean, children don't evolve that ability until later in life, and since borderline is an underdeveloped emotional maturity, maybe we didn't evolve this ability well either.. I don't know, maybe I am overanalyzing it.

Well, this stage of development is actually as a toddler, so about 2-3. It's the stage where we learn de-attachment and are supposed to become more independant. I wonder myself if this is where the fear of abondment stems from in the subconcious. Also if you have experienced traumatic experiences at that age (which I have) the only thing in the world you'd want is comfort, constantly. Intense emotion more than likely DOES start at a young age so I wonder if the intense emotion overrides the ability to realise that just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they are gone.

Again.. Playing into the real or imagined abondement..

We should team up and become researchers ahahaha

Every single day. And the problem seems to be getting worse! Where do you 'go to' when you dissociate? I cant decide whether its just normal daydreaming or not

I cannot answer "where do you go to" because when it is happening, I do not realize until I am "back" and am confused about what was said/happened.
The more I think about it, I think that my dissociating is a defense mechanism stemming from a f'd up childhood. It's not day dreaming.... I remember that from my school days, it was more about boredom.

It varies with me.
I think it started off with shutting off in to a fantasy world but id still be living out the the real life situation without realising, and now its getting increasingly more of what you are describing. I dont know what happened/where i've been, but i seem to switch off and leave big blanks in the majority of my days!

I dissociated last night along with hallucinating and "I told someone sure come on up" but when i funked back in I read this message and was like what was I on I didn't say that had to explain to this person "I wasn't in right state of mind at that point to take visitors." It all was so backwards, good thing for technology.