[DatPuSeaCatLuvr]

I promised myself it wouldn't happen...told myself that I was too messed up to date anyone right now. But it happened...there's a million butterflies in my stomach and I find myself anxiously waiting to see that name in my texts. Help! Can anyone give advice on how not to get too intense or clingy too fast and scare her away?

[Harmacy]

My advice (which I haven't taken myself but hey, we learn from our mistakes... eventually) is to not go overboard and bombard her with positive messages or respond to short texts with long rambling ones.

I tend to do this. To overload the other person with unreasonable flattering comments and expectations early on which is obviously just setting things up for a crash when those sentiments aren't returned.

If someone likes you then just chat with them at their level and keep things light. I tend to get waaay too intense too quickly and it probably just comes across as needy, unattractive and false.

I kind of wish text messaging hadn't been invented as, for me at least, it encourages my worst excesses. If I set one rule for myself in relationships it's to tone down the texts as that's where I do most damage. Many's the time I've sent a text, regretted it and then wished I could recall it - When I'm talking in person or on the phone, my natural inhibitions and instant feedback from the other person tend to keep things lighter.

[brokenwings79]

Where I always fell was if things were not moving at my speed I would begin self sabotage. I thought they had someone else or they were not committed enough to make me feel safe. I would take things slow and try not to over analyze all the possibilities our minds tend to create. I know it is easier sais than done. Knowing right and doing right are two separate things for me. Keep your head up!

I wish I had good advice for you... I've been there too many times, and although i'm doing well with keeping things at a distance and a slower pace with friends, I'm not sure exactly when that happened or how :/ Well actually part of it is that one of my very best friends is in Australia and is likely bpd too. She is very much like me but we came to an understanding of each other that if one of us disappeared we both promised to be back, if anything happened we understood the other and really supported each other, through our panicking and freak out phases. I don't know how this can help but it helped me to find someone that really understood my behaviors were never about them.

I'm sure this is no help but thought i would share that.

[x_BabyG_x]

Im in a similar boat as you at the moment... I wouldnt be able to cope if i messed it up!

All im trying to do is not overthink things, which i tend to do. If i feel emotional, i will wait until i dont until i message back, and im trying to be as 100% genuinely myself as i can.

And i must always always remind myself that, if they back off from me being myself then i must simply accept it as they arent worth my time of day!

Good luck