Why Do I Attract Borderline Women? Am I Borderline??

I have become all too familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder... It first started with a woman that father was close friends with. Then I began dating my first girlfriend and it eventually became apparent to me she also had BPD. I dated her for over 4 years. She was a great person, but there were many problems...

For some reason ever since, it feels as though I am a magnet for Borderline women. No more that I was dating but one as a very close friend and many that are and were friends. I have no idea why but I am starting to believe that I have somehow have picked up Borderline traits (something my ex girlfriend actually said to me; Word for word it was something like "I feel like you are absorbing my Borderline").

I used to have a Borderline friend who was I was very close with. She eventually had me doing nearly anything she asked. I began to feel used. I began to bury that the more I realized, that I lack people in my life I can have meaningful conversations with. Anyways, to shorten things up she decided to stop talking to me for reasons I do not understand. She claimed it was "for my own good"

The more and more I think about it the more I begin to wonder. Do I have BPD? I have had doctors recommend DBT. If not, why do I attract the types?

Maybe you haven't so much picked up borderline traits, but that you always had them and they are now more evident due to other stressors in your life? Or maybe you just give off a very caring vibe, and borderline women are attracted to that because you make them feel special and like you won't abandon them?

I don't really know, and I don't know you at all. I'm just trying to think of reasons that anyone might start showing traits, or seem to be attracting borderlines, I'm really not sure that any actually apply to you.

Well, with my first girlfriend, that was dead on the case then. I felt (and still do) she didn't deserve the life she got. That I could change her life and make it better for her.

I think due to the emotional dysregulation found in bpd , many of us are drawn to a 'stabilizer' sort of person.
Also - 1) were each of these women diagnosed bpd? 2)bpd i am quite sure can lay dormant until triggered by others with the same disorder 3)i often say mental illness is contagious. It affects everyone around us and makes them ill too it seems (to varied degrees)--
Just a few ponders.

Heh. Well I do have Bipolar Disorder.... But anyways. Yes the most were diagnosed with exception of one newer friend. It is very obvious she has BPD. She's a textbook case, and another friend with BPD has said she thinks this particular friend has it too.

What was your mother like?

I don't underestand the reasoning here. Is there a requirement that one has to be BPD in order to attract people with bpd? That is so not at all logical. All kinds of people attract all kinds of other people in different situations, nothing is static.

Also this question really should be asked of people dealing with others with bpd. Not sure why you would think we would have these answers.

I think it also has to do with you coming off as a caretaker and a stabilizer. Borderlines want to find safety and stability and they want to be 'saved'. If you feel you have gotten some of the symptoms, I think it could be because you have witnessed people close to you push your boundaries and show you the depths of sadness which have affected you. Maybe you feel slightly broken too after having been pulled into a borderline's life and have had such an important emotional role to them, feeling you may be the source of what's wrong in their lives when they get upset.
I don't think you are borderline if you generally take the role of the caretaker, but I am no professional and if you think something may be amiss, I think you should ask someone who could give you the answers.

If you are bipolar, people with that issue often have borderline traits as well.

"A recent study found that cluster B (borderline, narcissistic, antisocial, histrionic) personality disorder features were evident in about one-third of bipolar patients. . ."

From: Comorbidity in Bipolar Disorder: The Complexity of Diagnosis and Treatment | Psych Central Professional

You guys really helped. You're right, but there's something I'm doing as well that draws ME to Borderline. I figured it out. Sorry if this thread has ruffled some feathers. I posted this right after making my account. Forgive me.

S4andm4an2006: In fact, I have read that BPD women tend to be with men with ASPD. I wish I could remember where I read it. I was about a decade ago. I have lived it too, 3 out of 4 times. But maybe that is just me. And I am free now!!! FREEDOM is good!

The folly here is to try and fit people into categories. Just because someone suffers from the same disorder does not mean you can assume anything. That's like saying someone with alzheimers must like cake because there are so many people with alzheimers like cake. Generalizations like these just don't work. I know this is an extreme example but no less true.

No matter what your disorder or your mental challenges, don't fall into the trap that we're so much alike because of it. We are all individuals and we are all attracted to different things. We still have unique personalities, preferences and bents.

Actually, I read that BPD and NPD are the ones that tend to couple up and it's histrionics that couple with ASPDs. All that says is that people with personality disorders are looking for certain traits in people, such as BPDs wanting their emotions regulated and to be given an identity and NPDs give them this while being idealized. Histrionics needs ASPDS because they know how to set limits and control them. Of course, we are only speaking tendencies here but psychologically, they are interesting tendencies. Every case is different and it doesn't mean all people with pds couple with others with pd, just that it seems to be common.

"Actually, I read that BPD and NPD are the ones that tend to couple up" < Yes,....this. Delicious combo too....for a while.

This is an interesting thread.

Long before I realized I Had BPD (and although I've never had a professional diagnosis, I'm sure I have it with 7 out of 9 clear hits on the DSM criteria) I used to project my symptoms onto others around me. I had a girlfriend who I became convinced had BPD, maybe she did, maybe she didn't but the point is that all the things I was projecting onto her came from me.

It's quite likely that just having one BPD in a relationship could lead to both people displaying symptoms. So it could easily get to the point where it's uncertain who's reacting to who.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that I can't be sure anybody else has BPD but I'm sure I do. I can only see inside my own head. I can't be sure what motivates others' behaviour but I can see what motivates my own.

Thank you for that Harmacy. Something to really think about.

I had this happen. It was pretty horrible. We were relatively stable separately, together we were a bomb waiting to go off...and here I am today. I was fairly stable for years, now I can't get there if my life depended on it.

I must ask... why-ever did you capitalize "ME"...?
Just some thoughts trailing off here, about BPD girls a NPD guys...

On a more serious note: yes, some men are professional bpd magnets. At least ten years older, a high achiever, safe, stable, insightful, caring, confident, with a penchant for control - oh, yes, count me in!

The thing is; bpd is not all ****. I dare say we do have rather attractive traits that appeal to a certain type of personality and such matches do exist.

Don't ask me how successful they are, though.